What If You Are Perfectly Designed?
"What if you don't need to be fixed?" In this episode, Erica Voell previews her upcoming workshop, The Self-Love Code, and asks what it would mean to stop chasing the next thing that promises to fix you – the newest face cream, trending workout, or morning routine.
She shares how Human Design gave her a new perspective that wasn't about fixing and instead understanding herself and her family better.
Part of the Summer of Self-Love series.
The Self-Love Code is exclusively for paid Substack subscribers on July 30. Subscribe to join the workshop.
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Transcript
Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast, a
space where we explore what it looks
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:like to really trust yourself, say
no without guilt, and live your life
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:like it actually belongs to you.
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:I'm Erica Voell, a decision mentor and
inner trust guide, and I help women
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:in midlife untangle from the life
patterns of shape-shifting and keeping
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:everyone else happy, claim how they are
uniquely designed to make decisions,
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:and understand their unique strengths.
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:Using human design as a lens, we clear the
noise of conditioning so their no feels
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:powerful and their yes feels true, and
they can move forward without self-doubt,
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:guilt, or the pressure to prove anything.
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:On this show, we have honest conversations
about self-trust, boundaries, energy,
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:and identity, especially for women
in midlife who are done living by the
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:shoulds and second-guessing themselves.
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:If you've taken every personality test,
followed the recommended path, and still
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:can't shake that feeling that you've
been spending your whole life trying to
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:fit in when what you really wanted was
to belong, you're in the right place.
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:You'll hear stories, insights,
and tools rooted in human
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:design, coaching, and real life.
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:Not to tell you what to do like
another self-help book, but to help you
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:really hear yourself so you can stop
overthinking and start making decisions
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:that feel grounded, clear, and true.
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:We have all done it.
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:We think that this one
thing will change us.
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:This new dress will make us look as
beautiful as the photo, or this new
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:moisturizer will take away the lines that
make you cringe every day in the mirror.
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:Or that new workout will change
the body that you check in
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:the mirror and think, "Why?"
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:Or the new meditation practice that will
change your mindset, or a new morning
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:routine that will set you up for your day
so you feel less stressed and stop wanting
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:to scream at your kids and your partner.
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:And all of them work for a while, but
you're still you, and you think, "I
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:just need one more thing to improve
myself, or feel better about myself.
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:Then, then maybe I will love myself.
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:Maybe then I'll have what it
takes that others seem to have.
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:But what if I told you, you don't
need to change any of those things?
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:Yes, that new dress, that will feel
great that day or that evening,
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:but you can't wear it every day.
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:I mean, you could, but you probably won't.
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:And that new moisturizer may
feel luxurious to put on and
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:allow you to give yourself a nice
facial massage as you put it on.
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:That new workout can make you feel better
all around and give you more energy.
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:That meditation practice can give
your mind a break from the racing
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:and the overthinking for a period of
time, and that new morning routine
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:can reset your day, making you feel
more prepared for whatever comes your
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:way until you get sick or until life
throws something crazy in your way.
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:But please, please, please, please
don't beat yourself up if they don't
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:fix things that you're trying to fix.
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:Because you know what?
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:You don't need to be fixed.
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:What if you are aging
exactly as you are meant to?
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:What if those lines are part of the
face that's been through so much and
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:enjoyed so much and laughed so much?
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:What if your mind has been trying
to protect you all this time and
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:has reasons behind overthinking that
you don't even realize are there?
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:What if your body and your mind don't
need a hard workout every day, but
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:instead need to go with what feels
right in the moment and allowing
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:you to go with the flow Really?
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:I want you to ask yourself, what
if you are perfectly designed?
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:And before you say, "Hey, Erica,
you don't know me," you're right.
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:I don't know you the way
that you know yourself.
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:None of us do.
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:But I know that you are perfectly
designed because each and every
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:one of us is perfectly designed.
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:We all have quirks we wanna fix and hard
things we've been through, but what if
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:it's part of what makes you uniquely you?
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:What if that part of you that you
beat yourself up about is actually a
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:gift that you can use to help others?
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:I know it sounds crazy, but I come from a
h- long history of trying to fix myself.
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:I have over 25 years of experience in
the needing to improve myself department,
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:and I know how exhausting it can be.
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:You can fix one thing, and then another
pops up like a whack-a-mole, and then you
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:get to this new boss, or you move to a new
area, and those things that you thought
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:you fixed are coming up all over again.
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:And so you start searching for a retreat
to get those things back into balance,
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:only to come home feeling changed and
relaxed, but a little more frustrated with
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:your kids, your partner, or hating your
job a little bit more than you did before.
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:And you wonder why, when I felt so good
before you came home, you resolve to
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:start a new routine to take you back to
that way that you felt at the retreat.
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:How do I know this?
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:Because I have done this myself, and I
have heard it from others who do it too.
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:And I will be honest, I don't
have the magic tool to take
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:you back to that retreat.
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:I don't have the magic tool that
will help you stop feeling like you
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:are overthinking every single thing.
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:But I do have a tool called Human
Design that helped me heal from
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:burnout and helped me understand
myself in ways I had never expected.
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:I did not expect that I would ever
learn that the way I was taught to make
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:decisions in my family not only caused
me to spiral and to second-guess myself,
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:but actually contributed to my burnout
and stress, which meant I got sick a lot.
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:I didn't expect to learn that
there's actually a reason that I have
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:felt I needed to earn love to feel
worthy, and that it's not a flaw.
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:It's actually how I am designed, so I
can be more aware of when I'm trying
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:to prove my worth to other people.
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:I didn't expect that my noticing
where things could be improved
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:was both a gift and a curse.
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:A curse because I can see it before
anyone else asks, but it's a gift
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:because then the s- moment that
somebody says that they're actually
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:a- able to hear it, things can change.
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:I didn't expect it to change my
relationship with my husband,
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:where I'm more understanding about
how we each operate differently.
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:And I stopped trying to feel like
I needed to keep up with him.
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:The crazy thing is, is that
neither of us had to change at all.
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:I also didn't expect it to help
me be a more supportive mom to
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:my daughter, helping her learn
to not make impulsive decisions.
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:I joke that I feel like I found the secret
decoder ring to relationships in my family
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:The biggest thing is I did not
expect it to quiet that inner critic
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:and to shift from feeling like I
needed to be fixed to loving myself.
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:It was not overnight.
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:It was subtle changes over time,
and the more I dig in, the more
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:I love this or that about me.
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:And I've seen it with my clients
too, who feel like they understand
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:their family better, who I see stop
overthinking every single decision
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:or second-guessing themselves.
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:Or the ones that feel like they've
completely changed their relationship
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:with their partner, or they have
a better understanding of their
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:kids that they always felt like
something was different about them.
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:For me, learning that the second half
of my life is about self-love has
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:turned into something that I'm exploring
deeper, and I'm creating something
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:that I only dreamed of creating.
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:I never thought it would happen for me.
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:That is what I'm so excited
to share with the world.
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:We're going to be exploring more about
the inner critic and human design
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:to fall more deeply in love with
ourselves, which helps us have better
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:relationships with our partners, our
kids, our coworkers, our family at my
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:workshop on Thursday, July 30th, which is
exclusively for paid Substack subscribers.
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:If you've already been exploring human
design, I'll share more about how you
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:can use it as a tool for self-love, not
to fix yourself or anyone else, but to
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:really have more compassion and love for
yourself no matter what season you're in.
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:Because we know that when we
love ourselves more, then we…
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:That shifts and that ripples out
into our relationships with others.
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:So if you have enjoyed this episode,
I would be so grateful if you would
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:click the plus sign and subscribe and
share it with a friend,, and find me on
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:Substack where I publish articles, I host
workshops just like The Self-Love Code
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:that is coming up July 30th, and I share
more about human design and midlife.
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:Thanks for joining me.
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:Be well
