Self-Love Through Human Design

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You know those times you have a really

memorable conversation in your car?

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Recently, my daughter and I

had such a conversation about

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different religious beliefs.

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We had just come from her summer softball

team's end of the s- season picnic,

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and before we ate at the picnic, the

coach asked if he could say a prayer.

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And at our house, we are a pretty

secular bunch, um, and we do say

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a pretty secular sort of prayer

before dinner that my daughter

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wrote when she was six during COVID.

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It's, "Thank you for our farmers, thank

you for our home, thank you for our

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family, and thank you for our bones,"

which actually sometimes ends up being,

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"Thank you for our doggy's bones."

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But we're not a religious family,

so when my daughter encounters

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people who are very religious, I'm

always curious what she thinks.

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So back to the conversation in the car.

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As we were talking, she said to me,

"Mom, I don't believe in all that

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stuff, and I don't believe in your Reiki

weirdness, but I believe in Human Design."

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I had to do a double-take.

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She believes in Human Design?

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I said, "Why do you believe in

Human Design and not other things?"

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And her answer was, "Because I know it's

real, and it helps me understand myself."

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I was speechless Hi, I'm Erica Voell, and

I am a decision mentor and Inner-Trust

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guide, and I want to welcome you to

the Unfolding podcast, a space where we

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explore what it looks like to really trust

yourself, say no without guilt, and live

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your life like it actually belongs to you.

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As a decision mentor and Inner-Trust

guide, I help women in midlife

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untangle from the life patterns of

shape-shifting and keeping everyone

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else happy, claim how they are uniquely

designed to make decisions, and

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understand their unique strengths.

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Using human design as a lens, we clear the

noise of conditioning so their no feels

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powerful and their yes feels true, and

they can move forward without self-doubt,

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guilt, or the pressure to prove anything.

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On this show, we have honest conversations

about self-trust, boundaries, energy,

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and identity, especially for women

in midlife who are done living by the

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shoulds and second-guessing themselves.

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If you have taken every personality

test, followed the recommended path,

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and still can't shake that feeling that

you're spending your whole life trying

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to fit in when what you really wanted

was to belong, you're in the right place.

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You'll hear stories, insights,

and tools rooted in human

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design, coaching, and real life.

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Not to tell you what to do, like

another self-help book, but to help you

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really hear yourself so you can stop

overthinking and start making decisions

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that feel grounded, clear, and true.

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So let's get back to the

story about my daughter.

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My daughter was telling me that

she believes in human design.

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That was a real mic drop for me.

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I talk about human design here and there

at home, and I use it as a tool to help

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me understand her and my husband better.

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She's learned that she needs to sleep on

her decisions and a few other things about

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her design that have resonated with her.

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I have never sat down for a full

chart session with her, because

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I know that it would probably be

overwhelming for her, and I wanna

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see how things play out in her life.

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So I dribble things here and

there that I know about her chart.

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But what was such a stunning

moment for me, with…

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Of all the things that she could believe

in, she believes in human design.

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She knows it helps her.

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When she was nine was when I first

discovered human design, and it's

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been around for a while for her,

and it's been four years of me

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sharing pieces of it with her.

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What I love so much about this is that

she's embraced these parts of herself,

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and instead of seeing something as a

flaw, she's learned that it's part of her.

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So some of the things many of us in

midlife were conditioned to believe that

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we needed to fix I, at 48, first read I

Have Nothing to Prove, and here she is 12.

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She's confident.

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She's a headstrong kid

that I was not at 12.

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And in the story of Behind the Summer

of Self-Love, the article and podcast

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episode, I talked about my relationship

with myself at her age, and I had so much

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self-criticism that she does not have.

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We've explored this summer about how

shame has shaped women's stories and

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how that has also shaped their inner

critical voice and how it's affected

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how they've shown up in the world And

as I've been working through the Summer

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of Self-Love, I've been reflecting a

lot on my own relationship with myself.

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When I've had some low periods this

summer, I've returned to my design and

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paid attention to how things are showing

up, particularly the challenging sides.

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Human design has become such an amazing

tool, not just for me, and my daughter,

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and my husband, but for others to develop

a deeper relationship with themselves, a

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more loving relationship with themselves.

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It's so powerful to not only acknowledge

the gifts we bring, but also to see where

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we're living in a challenge or a shadow

side of a particular aspect of our chart.

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I recently talked on a podcast episode

that I recorded for paid subscribers about

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how human design helped me love myself,

learning to say, "Can I get back to you?"

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instead of instantly saying yes,

and saying no more often to the

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point that people even noticed it.

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And one of the biggest lessons

for me was learning that I did

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not have to prove my worth.

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I interviewed 11 women about their

relationships with their inner critic,

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their journey of self-love, and they've

told their stories on Substack lives.

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I've also asked others, who I was

just curious to see if this was

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resonating with other people, both men

and women, about the parts of their

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design that helped them develop a

better relationship with themselves.

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This is not about shutting down the inner

critic or pushing them out the door, but

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this was about giving that inner critic

some reassurance of, "I've got this,"

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and reframing things in a loving way.

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And when I asked people to share one or

two pieces of their design that helped

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them develop that better relationship

with themselves, one phrase I heard

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over and over, and I actually hear

from clients too, is that they learn

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that there is nothing wrong with them.

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This is just how they are built.

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For some, it was learning about their

type, whether they were a Manifestor, or

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a Projector, or a Manifesting Generator.

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For others, it was learning their

decision-making authority, especially

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for those that have an emotional

decision-making process, learning how

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to ride out those emotional waves so

that they could come to a calm before

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they made a decision For others, it

was their quick sacral authority,

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that quick inner gut feeling.

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It's all different, and what

resonates most deeply for you may

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not resonate f- for someone else.

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For several people, it was learning

about a specific part of their chart.

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Three people shared that their undefined

identity center was what helped

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them fall in love with themselves.

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For others, it was their profile, the

numbers in the profile validating what

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they had been feeling their entire lives.

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And for some, it wasn't one particular

aspect, it was learning about their whole

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design and how it all fits together,

seeing that they are perfectly designed.

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So here are some of the stories

and some of the comments that I

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received that people shared, and

I think that they are so powerful.

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For those who are Projectors,

Jamie said the biggest aha for

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her was how different it is to be

a Projector in a Generator world.

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She said, "I see it so many ways.

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It changed my world to realize

I'm not a Manifesting Generator."

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Andrea learned that as a Projector, she's

not meant to work in the same terms of

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output and productivity as everyone else

Saying, "I felt so guilty and avoided

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rest when I felt drained and tired.

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Reframing what work means

for me was very empowering."

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And I heard from two Manifestors.

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Jill shared about her work as an

esthetician when clients would either

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vanish after one visit or stay for years.

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She said, "I used to think something

was wrong with my skill, my personality,

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or even my office setup, because

I worked with other estheticians

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who would have clients come and go,

or at least come more than once.

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Learning that it was not always me

that they were s- responding to, but

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to my energy, was actually a relief.

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It was really affecting my

self-worth and believing in myself.

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I thought I was broken."

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For Tommy Collier, it was realizing that

he had been conditioned to be a Generator.

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"Expecting myself to be consistent,"

he said, "to show up day after

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day at the same pace and level.

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A Manifestor is not

meant to be consistent.

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We operate in cycles

of creativity and rest.

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The days I feel I just don't have it

in me to perform, that's not me being

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broken, that's me being a Manifestor.

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I need to honor those cycles.

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That made me feel like I'm not strange.

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I can stop comparing myself to

everyone around me who's a Generator,

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who appears to have energy to burn."

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End quote.

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I heard stories that often come up for

Manifesting Generators again and again.

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I don't know how many Manifesting

Generators I've talked to who've said

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that they were told to pick one path

and follow it, or that they were flaky

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and then they c- because they couldn't

stick with one thing, or they had so

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many different interests, and that it's

natural for them to start a bunch of

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things and not necessarily finish them.

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Jenn Gemma White used to think that she

was unmotivated, lazy, or incompetent.

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Csilla Gergely spent years believing

that not finishing things was bad.

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And Erica Sardinha shared, "I

have many different interests.

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I am multi-passionate.

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I love starting a thousand things

and finishing maybe two of them.

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For years, I took that on

as something wrong with me."

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End quote.

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Alex shared that being a Manifesting

Generator brought a sense of absolution

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from guilt and bouncing from one

project to another without finishing it.

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They said, "It was just like a

permission slip to just follow my

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excitement instead of the pressure

to finish something, regardless of

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whether it was still fun or not.

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Instead of my unfinished projects

haunting me from my closet, they're

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just resting until I'm excited to

work on them again," end quote.

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And for those with an emotional

decision-making authority who need

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their time to make decisions, it

can be so easy to make themselves

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wrong for their low energy.

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Alex also shared a story very similar

to my own, saying, "Learning about

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the emotional waves made me feel

better about my low energy periods.

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Learning that the lows are sometimes

out of my control, and if I just honor

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those moments instead of resisting

or trying to figure out the logic or

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the why behind them, my lows became

much more manageable," end quote.

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Cindy's understanding of her emotional

authority explained the pressure and

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the anxiety she feels when someone

wants her to make an immediate

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decision and then regret it after,

because she's acted on impulse.

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She said, "I now know my emotional

waves run for three to five days.

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It was such a game changer.

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Now I just tell my clients with

emotional authority to ride the wave.

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You'll always be happy you did.

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It allowed me to release the guilt of

debt and failure from always believing

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I needed to pay for that next course

or certification to validate my worth."

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Sam Graber shared, "I feel like

understanding things from the

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inside, learning that my first

answer isn't always my truest answer.

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That used to feel like hesitation.

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Now I see it differently.

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I think I'm someone who

likes to let things settle."

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End quote.

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Jen Ohrman has a sacral authority,

which is to trust your gut.

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It's a quick decision-making process

that's instantly felt in the body.

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She said for her it was an awesome

validation of her squirrel nature,

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she's also a manifesting generator,

having multiple jobs because she

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was bored and wanted new things.

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She said, "I trust my hell yes and my hell

no decision-making now more than ever."

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When I asked this question,

what was one thing that changed

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your relationship with yourself?

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Three people, three people shared

that their undefined identity

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center was what helped them.

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For most of Leanne's life,

she didn't know who she was.

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She said, "I always took on the

energy, the personality, the

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direction of whoever I was around.

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It was like I was absorbing the

people around me and becoming them.

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That morphing didn't mean there

was something wrong with me.

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It was sensitivity.

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I was picking up the identity and

direction of the people around me,

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the way a satellite picks up a signal.

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It wasn't a flaw in my character,

it was how I was wired.

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All the searching and all the years

of trying to land on a fixed sense

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of self and never quite getting

there wasn't a failure either.

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I'm not designed to have a fixed identity.

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I'm designed to flow."

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End quote.

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Natalia shared that learning about

the shadow expression of her open

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identity center made her feel so seen.

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She said, "I had been trying to

figure out my one thing I want to

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pursue professionally, which actually

kept me stuck for a very long time.

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I now understand that there's

nothing wrong with me."

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And Becky Hobbs has an undefined

identity center, and she said it

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added to her realization that she

didn't have a fixed identity and

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could pick up on others' energy.

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Quote, "In their presence and

their energy, I would pick up

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on a certain aspect of their

identity and think it was mine."

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End quote.

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Sandra's relationship was shaped

by a specific channel, also known

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as a superpower in her design.

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She said, "There have been moments, years,

or months in my life when nothing was

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happening and it got hard to flow with it.

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I used to push myself to

make something happen.

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It is indeed a format that

conforms my whole life experience."

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End quote.

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One area that people shared more than

any other was related to their profile.

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Leanne, who we heard from earlier, who is

also a 5/1, known as the problem solver

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investigator, shared, "I learned that my

desire to step in and provide answers and

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step back out is not a negative thing.

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I'm not designed to be in the trenches

for the long haul, and going in and out

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isn't me being flaky and standoffish."

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Helena Marchetti, who is a 6/2 role

model and natural talent, said,

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"Before Human Design, I couldn't

understand why I didn't have the energy

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to engage with the outside world.

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My days of begging for a seat at the

table were done, and I no longer wanted

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to be at anyone else's table but mine.

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I knew I had the gift or curse of

absorbing the energy of people around

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me, but I couldn't understand why.

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Now my presence for home and solitude

doesn't feel like a character flaw."

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End quote.

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Tammy McCrory, who has a 4/6 relationship

builder role model profile, shared,

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"I read my own loner streak as

proof something was wrong with me.

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I'd be surrounded by people who

genuinely loved me, and underneath

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it all, it still felt apart.

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I thought that meant I wasn't

loving people correctly or that

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I was defective at closeness.

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Learning my profile reframed all of it.

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Needing people and needing apartness are

not contradictions I failed to resolve.

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They're just the two lines I'm made up

of doing their job at the same time.

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I wasn't broken.

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I was reading two things about myself

as if only one of them could be real."

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End quote.

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And one thing I find so fascinating

is that four people who have the

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line three in their profile shared

very similar experiences, and

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they're also unique experiences.

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Becky Forsyth, who is a 1/3, which

is also known as the investigator

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experimenter, shared, "I had definitely

spent years thinking that there was

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something wrong with me, that I hadn't

found a path, especially as a career.

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Human design brought light to the fact

that I'm a 1/3, and I'm not meant to be on

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a specific path, but rather to experience

a lot of different things, learn from

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them, share my learnings, and keep going.

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It has taken a lot of pressure off

finding the perfect career or work.

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I now understand that

my journey is the path."

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End quote.

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. Therese Holden has a 3/5.

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She's an experimenter and problem

solver profile, and she shared, "one

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of the harshest criticisms I had about

myself was not having followed the path.

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My life had been full of twists

and turns, and somehow knowing

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that was my design lifted a weight

I'd been carrying for a long time.

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The feeling of being behind vanished.

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I was on my own timeline.

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There was nothing wrong with me.

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I just hadn't learned to trust

my own authority and my design."

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End quote.

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Caroline shared that looking

at the three in her 3/5 profile

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was a shock of recognition.

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She said, "It reminded me that it was

really okay to be living life by getting

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out there and experimenting rather

than staying inside and dreaming."

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End quote.

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And Jill shared, "I used to beat

myself up over past mistakes,

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even ones I made as a kid.

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Once I learned about my line three, it

placed a new lens on those moments, and I

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no longer felt shame or guilt over them.

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I have a brighter outlook on challenges."

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I think that's what's so powerful

about understanding our design,

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feeling that there's nothing wrong

with us, that we've spent so much of

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our lives trying to fix ourselves.

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Trying to fix parts of ourselves

that we thought were broken.

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And I'm gonna leave you with a quote

from Michelle Marie Neyers that I

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think really sums up all of this.

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She said about her experience, quote,

"As I sat on my couch surrounded by my

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Human Design charts and textbooks, I

received what felt like a telepathic

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wake-up call in the form of a question.

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'What if the body you have is perfectly

designed for what you're here to do?'

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When that question first came

into my conscious awareness,"

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she said, "I was stunned.

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I immediately knew that I was

hearing truth, with a capital T.

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After decades of relating to my body

as something that was broken, that

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needed fixing, that needed constant

improvement, those thoughts vanished.

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They've not returned since that moment."

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End quote.

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: 00:19:08

And for me personally, Erica, I will say

that has been a huge aha moment for me

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too is, like, I am perfectly designed.

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But I will say that those thoughts,

those inner critic thoughts have not

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vanished completely, and that's okay.

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This is a journey.

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: 00:19:25

I w- I'm a work in progress.

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The second half of my life is all

about learning to love myself.

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: 00:19:31

I think what most surprised me about

this when I got everybody's quotes

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together was how accurate Human Design

was for each person, like, validating

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their lived experiences, giving them

words for things that they had felt

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and never been able to describe.

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: 00:19:49

And as my daughter

said, "I know it's real.

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: 00:19:52

It helps me understand myself."

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: 00:19:54

So if this episode resonated

with you, I'd be so grateful if

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: 00:19:58

you would click the plus sign to

subscribe and share it with a friend.

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: 00:20:01

You can also find me on Substack, where

I publish articles, host workshops, and

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share about human design and midlife.

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: 00:20:07

You can also find other articles

that are part of the Summer of

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: 00:20:11

Self Love series on Substack.

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I'm so grateful you're here.

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Thanks for joining me.

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Be well