Unfiltered: Becky, Betsy, and Erica on Self-Love in Midlife

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Welcome to the Unfolding podcast, a space where we explore what

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it looks like to really trust yourself,

say no without guilt, and live your

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life like it actually belongs to you.

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I am Erica Voell, a decision mentor

and inner trust guide, and I help

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women in midlife untangle from the life

patterns of shape-shifting and keeping

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everyone else happy, claim how they are

uniquely designed to make decisions,

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and understand their unique strengths.

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Using human design as a lens, we clear the

noise of conditioning so their no feels

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powerful and their yes feels true, and

they can move forward without self-doubt,

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guilt, or the pressure to prove anything.

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On this show, we have honest conversations

about self-trust, boundaries, energy,

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and identity, especially for women

in midlife who are done living by the

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shoulds and second-guessing themselves.

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If you've taken every personality test,

followed the recommended path, and still

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can't shake that feeling that you've been

spending your whole life trying to fit

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in, when what you really wanted to was

to belong, you are in the right place.

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You'll hear stories, insights,

and tools rooted in human

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design, coaching, and real life.

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Not to tell you what to do, like

another self-help book, but to help you

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really hear yourself so you can stop

overthinking and start making decisions

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that feel grounded, clear, and true.

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We're in the middle of the Summer

of Self-Love, and this episode is

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the final one, highlighting three

women who have shared their stories

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so you can get to know them better.

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This episode is me reading the

Substack article that was posted.

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You can find the link in the show notes.

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I'm introducing you to Becky,

Betsy, and a little bit more about

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myself Unfiltered: Becky, Betsy,

and Erica on self-love in midlife.

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This Summer of Self-Love started

very randomly from one comment on

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a masterclass, and after that, I

knew that this summer was going

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to be all about exploring women's

complicated relationships with

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self-love and self-criticism.

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None of us have it figured out, and

each of us is on a path to a deeper,

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more loving relationship with ourselves.

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Each woman that I interviewed for

this series and that are showing up

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on Substack Live with me are sharing

an authentic version of themselves,

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not just the aspirational one that we

have been sold for years, and not the

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enmeshment of, you know, self-love equals

self-care, which a lot of times happens.

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These women are sharing what self-love

actually looks like on the hard days

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for them, what human design changed for

them, and what we're still working on.

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This is the final episode where

I am highlighting three women.

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I've highlighted all 12 of us, and I hope

that you have gotten to know them better.

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Their deeper stories are woven

through the articles that are showing

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up this summer, that you saw them

in the shame article, and they're

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going to be in future articles.

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Everyone has their own unique human

design that makes their story unique,

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but what ties so many of us together

is this loving yourself is a journey.

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We're on different continents, and

still there are threads that connect us.

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We all have different experiences.

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This article is part four, profiling

three women who said "Yes."

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Becky Hobbs, who writes Her Main Life.

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Betsy Forsythe, who writes

Betsy Forsythe on Substack.

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And myself, Erica Voell,

writing Unfolding: Letters

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from the Middle of Becoming.

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Becky Hobbs.

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One, tell us a little about yourself

and where you are in life right now.

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I'm a fifty-one-year-old mom to two adult

girls and a nanny to my one-year-old

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granddaughter from Bedford, England.

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A midwife by day and in the middle

hours between getting started on a

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business so I can leave midwifery behind.

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Currently have my daughter, her boyfriend,

and my granddaughter living with me,

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but they will be moving out in a month,

an occasion that will be bittersweet.

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I love creating memories with my partner,

family, and friends, whether that's a

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day out, an activity, music, or just

trying something different and fun.

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Time is precious, and I don't want to

take it for granted like I did previously.

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Two, what's one thing about your human

design that changed how you see yourself?

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My Gate 50, This is such an important part

of me, but one I could never see at first.

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Now I recognize this trait in me

all the time, the challenge, fury

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as well as the wisdom, trust.

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And actually more lately,

the gift pops up momentarily.

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It has made me realize I do

have values when I always

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thought I didn't in an odd way.

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The values I did have surfaced through

my fury, and now I am learning to

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witness this fury and transform it.

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It is so, so fascinating.

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There are so many light bulb

moments, but this is a prominent one.

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Three, what does self-love actually

look like in your daily life?

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Not the aspirational version,

but what you actually do.

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Self-love is time for myself.

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I have always been someone who

puts others first to my detriment.

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I did this for so many reasons

and normalized that this as

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being the right thing to do.

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I now give myself permission

to put myself first sometimes.

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This can simply mean coming home from

work, making my favorite coffee, and

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sitting down and relaxing for twenty

minutes without rushing to cook dinner or

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be on for everyone else in the household.

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It also means dressing to make myself

feel good, doing my hair, putting on some

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mascara and lippy, but equally feeling

fresh-faced, comfortable, and just getting

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outside for a walk on my own to just be.

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No listening to anything, just walking

and taking in nature around me.

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Four, what are you still working on

when it comes to loving yourself?

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I'm still working on accepting that

others can do things for me, mostly my

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partner, without me feeling like I have

to do something in return or because I

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feel like I am capable of doing it myself,

so why should someone else do it for me?

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Also, more recently, the inner critic

when I sometimes look at myself

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and my gray roots and rounded belly

and focusing on those parts of me

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that I haven't truly loved yet.

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Becky's Substack

publication, Her Main Life.

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Betsy Forsyth.

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One, tell us a little about yourself

and where you are in life right now.

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I'm fifty-two and a single mom

of a fourteen-year-old daughter.

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I'm juggling perimenopause

and a hormonal teenager.

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I've been working on some coaching

certifications over the past two

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years and finally starting to launch.

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I am fascinated by the nervous

system, especially as it

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has affected me in midlife.

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I love finding patterns

in people and in nature.

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I feel like I'm on the verge of

something powerful, yet I find myself

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procrastinating and finding shiny

objects to distract myself from

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really going for it in my business.

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And then there's a little imposter

syndrome in there as well.

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All of it makes sense when I look

at it through the lens of my mind

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trying to keep me safe, of course, or

to feel accepted or have self-worth.

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I know I am drawn to this work with

midlife women and maybe men as well

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for a reason, and I'm going to keep

trusting that and moving forward.

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Two, what's one thing about your human

design that changed how you see yourself?

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The first thing that really

jumped out at me was when I

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read about being a one-three.

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I have always felt like there was

something wrong with me because

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I couldn't find the thing that I

love to do for work and just pursue

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it like everyone else seemed to.

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When I read that it is in my design to

learn and live through trying something,

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possibly failing, learning from it, and

trying something else, it all made sense.

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I felt a huge sense of relief, and

it actually brought me to tears.

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I am not failing.

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I'm just living my design.

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Another is the 24 as my conscious

sun, also known as my brilliance.

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It reframed all of the overthinking and

worrying that I do so that I can see that

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there is a higher frequency that I can

work towards, and that is relaxation.

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And with the relaxation comes creativity.

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It's so true, and again, hits so close to

home and felt validating and inspiring.

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Three, what does self-love actually

look like in your daily life?

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Not the aspirational version,

but what you actually do?

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I feel like this changes frequently,

but currently self-love is saying

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yes to things even when there's a

part of my mind telling me I should

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be doing something more productive.

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I can overthink and worry and just keep

moving and doing if I don't have awareness

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that these are learned behaviors.

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Self-love is saying yes to having a cup

of coffee with a friend I haven't talked

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to for a while or going swimming at a

local spot with some friends from out of

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town who I already visited with, but who

asked me to join them for something fun.

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Self-love is going for a walk and not

taking my phone along with me so I

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can listen to a podcast to learn more.

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It's stretching and lifting weights.

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It's making a nice cup of chai

before I start work, rather than

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skipping it to get more done.

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Four, what are you still working on

when it comes to loving yourself?

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I'm really working on inner peace.

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I know that sounds cliché, but it's true.

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The voice inside my head that tells

me I'll be worth more if I'm more

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productive, the mind that won't stop

overthinking and worrying, the thoughts

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of self-doubt about whether or not I

will be successful, the constant chatter,

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I'm working to quiet it, to be present,

and to find peace inside my own being.

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Betsy's Substack publication,

Betsy Forsythe Erica Voell.

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One, tell us a little about yourself

and where you are in life right now.

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I'm 52 and a decision mentor

and Inner-Trust guide, and I'm

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entering my second year as a

full-time coach and business owner.

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It's been one of the hardest and most

fulfilling times of my working life.

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I remember hearing my friend

say that starting a business

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brings out all of your shadows.

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It's so true, and I've learned to

self-coach myself, which feels amazing.

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I'm the mom to a 12-year-old

daughter, and I know that the time

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she wants to be around us will be

changing over the next few years.

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I know my husband and I are

savoring it while we can.

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Two, what's one thing about your human

design that changed how you see yourself?

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When I first read you don't need to

prove your worth, I felt it in my body.

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It was permission that I could stop

trying to earn love from others.

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Learning how I make decisions

drastically changed me.

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I was no longer indecisive and learned to

listen to my body instead of overriding

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a physical feeling I would get when

something wasn't right about a decision.

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Learning how I communicate was

huge and helped me trust that I do

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have something important to say.

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And then earlier this year, looking

at the second half of my life and

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that my future focus is on self-love

was a gut punch in the best way.

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Healing this relationship with my

body not only shifts things for me,

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but for my daughter and my niece.

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They see a woman who is comfortable

as she is, something I never saw

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from the other women in my family.

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Three, what does self-love actually

look like in your daily life?

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Not the aspirational version,

but what you actually do.

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Self-love for me is daily work.

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It's still something I have

to consciously think about.

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I have a morning meditation and

breathwork practice that shifts my

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energy first thing in the morning.

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I journal to clear my

thoughts before I go to bed.

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When I'm out of whack, my hand on my heart

brings me back to my body and myself.

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When I look in the mirror, actively

noticing something I love about

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myself and not looking for flaws.

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I have to laugh when suddenly a neck

hair appears or a couple of hairs spring

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out of a freckle almost overnight.

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Being light-hearted about the

funny things about my midlife

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body helps me be more accepting.

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It helps that there are others

who acknowledge that this is a

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crazy and amazing time of life.

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And before I go to bed, I do a lymph

drainage face massage that I learned,

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and it calms me every time, and it

just feels so loving when I do it.

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Four, what are you still working on

when it comes to loving yourself?

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I think it will be a lifetime's

work to not be critical of myself in

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photos, not thinking what will others

think of how I look in that photo.

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I have to remind myself that I don't

notice those aspects of other people, so

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they're probably not noticing it in me.

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It's still the conditioning of my

teens and twenties rearing its head.

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Erica's Substack publication, Unfolding:

Letters from the Middle of Becoming.

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What's coming this summer?

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This entire summer, we are exploring

self-love from many different angles

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through women's real experiences, because

our inner voice is just as important

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as our outer voice, and when we feel

good inside, it always shows up in

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how we show up in many different ways.

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Some of what's coming, shame and

self-love, the shoulds in self-love,

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where self-love shows up in your human

design chart, and learning to love

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yourself using your own human design.

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I'll be sharing my own

experiences along the way.

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This summer is very personal for me too.

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The second half of my life is about

learning to love myself and helping

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others do the same, not just embodying

it, but helping other women see how

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they can love themselves too, and I've

started to see it play out in real time.

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In starting to use human design as

a way to love ourselves rather than

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as another reason to fix ourselves.

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Look for more conversations with

these women and other profiles

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that w- I've published this summer.

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These conversations are just

the beginning, and I'm so

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glad you're here for them.

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If this episode resonated with

you, I would be so grateful if

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you would click the plus sign to

subscribe and share it with a friend.

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You can also find me on Substack, where

I publish articles, host workshops, and

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share more about human design and midlife.

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Thank you for joining me.

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Be well