Thanking Your Past Self

Erica Voell: 00:00:00

Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast.

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I am Erica Voell and I am a Decision

Mentor and Inner-Trust guide.

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And I work with women mainly those in

midlife, trust their inner guidance,

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understand their unique strengths, and

stop saying yes to what drains them

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using human design coaching and reiki.

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We clear the noise so their no feels

powerful and their yes feels true.

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And before we get to the episode, I

am so excited to announce something.

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I'm excited to announce that

I will be hosting the Roadmap

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to You Workshop series.

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This is a set of live interactive

sessions focused on women in midlife

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who are ready to stop guessing

themselves and start trusting their.

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Energy and their inner knowing,

and we have the first one coming

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up on Friday, October 24th with

three more scheduled in November.

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You can find the link in the show

notes to get more details so that

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you can register for these workshops.

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We will cover everything from your type,

how you make decisions, your purpose to

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your energy centers, to fears, and then

even to goal setting and so much more.

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I'm sure there will be new ideas coming

as I host them, and I hear from you

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about what you wanna learn about.

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Plus, if you attend or you watch

the replay, there are some bonus

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goodies that I am so excited to share.

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So let's get to the episode.

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When was the last time you

paused and really thought back

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to your journey on this life?

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Maybe it was a moment or a decision

you made, or maybe it was a trip

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you booked or maybe it was when

you hit send on an email or a text.

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Think back to that time

to the very beginning.

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What do you notice?

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Not the beginning of your life, but like

when something started to shift for you.

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I talk about this in one of my other

episodes back from the spring about

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how one decision made a huge change

for me, but this came up again.

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And I recently attended a closing

ceremony for a membership that I have

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been part of for a number of years that

was led by Sarah Jenks, and I was a

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member back when I was trying to figure

it out, back when I thought my spiritual

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practice needed to look a certain way.

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And during the ceremony she led us through

a meditation to meet our past self.

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The one who just started.

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I started that practice and it

took me back to my: 2017

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I was so afraid of doing it wrong.

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I had a candle.

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I wanted to make sure that I

had a altar that was just right.

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I was so afraid of not getting

it right and not doing.

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The right things and not

getting the right results.

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I had this idea of this outcome, it

needed to be, and I didn't feel that I

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knew enough about a spiritual practice

that was not linked to a religion, but

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what I learned, and I still am learning

today, is that there is no right way.

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This meditation with Sarah was so deeply

emotional, and it's one I feel like I'm

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gonna be revisiting in various ways.

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It made me realize how far

I have come, how much I have

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changed, and how much that's 2017

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Erica could not have

imagined where I am today.

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It was just so powerful.

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And how often do we look back?

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You know, we think about would we

have an idea of where we want to go,

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but we don't tend to look back and

look at the footprints in the sand.

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So for me, it all started one

morning when I lit a candle and

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I decided to try something new.

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We were in this meditation.

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We were to tell our past

self something and what came

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through for me was so powerful.

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"There is no right way.

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There just is."

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This was such a good reminder that.

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The steps that I take now that feel

super insignificant, like lighting a

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candle, may be igniting a flame, (and

there is a pun intended there) that

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will start something that I cannot

fully comprehend or imagine right now.

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I have to give my 2017 self so much

love because she was in a job that was

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sucking the living life out of her.

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I had a narcissistic boss that found

ways to criticize even when we were

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in celebrations and that 2017 self.

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She needed a way to cope.

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She was grasping for anything that

would help her come back to herself

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that would make her feel whole.

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I felt she felt so broken and

it did not help that there was a

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narcissistic boss that could pick

at every part that felt broken.

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And also that there were other, I also

thought she thought that there were

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other people that had the answers and the

tools that would help her, and they did.

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But they could not solve

all of her problems.

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She was in such deep desperation

and also learning to live with a new

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allergy diagnosis that had thrown

eating into an entire maelstrom.

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She was also living in continuing

patterns that she had learned so long ago.

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Things that had come up, even from being a

kid and beating herself up when she didn't

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wake up feeling great or wasn't happy.

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I had this idea that I needed to be

happy every morning, and even though

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depression is something I've dealt

with my entire life, and it comes in

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waves, hers came in crashing waves.

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So in 2017.

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It started with buying the Dreambook and

Planner and making a conscious decision

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to get up 15 minutes earlier to meditate.

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That made such a difference, which

then led me to having a morning Pilates

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practice and incorporating, and as

I learned more spiritual practice.

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So there was so much work done to lay

a foundation for where I am today.

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I had no idea, and I know now

because I'm looking back and I want

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you to remember that it's so easy

to feel like we're moving through

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life and never quite reaching that

far off point that we dream of.

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We have an idea of how we'll feel

at that time and what things will

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look like, and when they don't meet

it, then we're kind of like, Ugh.

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I haven't met that yet.

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I haven't gotten where I wanted to go.

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I told my therapist one time, I was like,

I just wanna get to this destination.

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And she told me, "Erica, there's

no destination in your life when

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you've reached that destination.

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You're going to be dead."

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That woo.

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That would hit me.

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So I was achieving milestones, but

I was still so unhappy with myself.

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I just wanted to get to a

place where I felt good.

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And I realized that.

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I was setting up those expectations

that we've talked about before.

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That only led to my disappointment

because I was not looking

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back at how far I had come.

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I was not taking time to celebrate

my wins and even acknowledge

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that I was where I wanted to be.

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And maybe it didn't feel exactly

as I'd hoped, and sometimes it was

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better, but I could not see it.

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I was so clouded with what.

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My misery and my expectations and

just feeling like I need something.

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One of the most transformative tools

I've found, you know about this.

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You've heard me talk about

this, was human design.

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When I started to learn my human design,

it was learning that's become a daily

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practice and it's not a one time fix.

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And I have a defined emotional center

and I experience emotional waves.

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Anyone with a defined emotional

center will experience these waves.

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That is 53% of the population.

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We all experience them differently

based on our design, and I used

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to wake up and judge myself and

beat myself up for feeling blah.

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It happened the other day, but what

I learned from human design is that I

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cannot force myself out of these waves.

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When I woke up the other day and I

was just like, "oh, I feel blah, I,

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I don't know why I feel this way."

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I felt myself judging myself, and

then I knew that I needed to do

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something to get myself out of it.

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Not to stop it, but to ride it.

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'cause judging myself for not feeling

happy all the time, or even 95% of the

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time, does not get me out of the wave.

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It just really leads to more

self-criticism and learning to ride the

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waves, learning to feel them, and then

to notice what's happening and asking

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myself, "what do I need right now?"

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That is a question that

has been so helpful.

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"What do I need right now?"

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It may be getting on my mat and doing

yoga to get myself out of my mind.

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That worked the other day.

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It may be going for a walk.

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It may be slowing down and writing

in my journal with an intention

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of letting go and releasing.

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And then I can go about my day

just noticing, but not judging

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myself or beating myself up.

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And a lot of times what happens

is the wave will have passed

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and I don't even realize it.

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I can forget that I felt so

blah that morning and some days.

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I will be honest, the wave lasts a lot

longer, but learning to ride it all the

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way through instead of trying to speed

it up or to try force myself out of

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it, that has been a real game changer.

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Just learning to ride that wave, learning

to give myself some grace and be okay with

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where I am on any given day with these

emotional waves has softened that inner

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critic, that inner roommate that is so.

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Loud some days, but then also I call

her my inner roommate because she's

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also some days she can be my biggest

cheerleader to like be kind and remind

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myself to be gentle with myself.

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I'm in a program with Julie Ciardi.

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She is a human design business coach,

and her daily podcast really hit me.

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We are in an energy of releasing,

but we're also in the energy of.

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Process and seeing things through

or letting things go that are not

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meant to for us to see through.

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So in her podcast, she asked,

"Are you enjoying the process?

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Or are you so focused on the

outcome that your attitude.

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Your state of being is negative

because you want the outcome so

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much and you're not enjoying the

process, the journey, celebrating

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the journey as much as the outcome.

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This is a critical lesson,

embracing each cycle with joy.

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If you are not enjoying the

process, it has a huge impact on

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actually getting to the outcome.

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Here's the irony, because you're

so discontented and so overly

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focused on the outcome, you're

entire frequency will be low.

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Do you think you will

attract what you want?

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No.

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You can't."

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End quote.

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So often we are so focused on that outcome

that we forget to notice the journey.

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Think about when you've gone on a

road trip or you've gone on a hike

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and you're like so focused on getting

there, that you miss all of the

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scenery that you have around you.

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You miss some of that amazing journey.

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You miss some of that process,

and I am so guilty of this myself.

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I am one who is always striving

for the next thing and not

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noticing the joy in the process.

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And after I listened to this podcast

episode, I have really been noticing

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what I'm enjoying in my day to day

work because I love creating workshops.

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I love putting together a

website, and I love creating

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beautiful reports for my clients.

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And in the moment while I enjoy it,

I also become so focused on the end

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piece that I miss, the moments when

I feel pure, ecstatic joy in my work.

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So I invite you to think

back on your own journey.

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What is one small moment

that shifted everything?

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Was it getting up one morning and

choosing to do something different?

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Was it sending that email or that text?

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Or maybe it felt very

insignificant at the time.

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Maybe it was just like lighting

that candle, but only now

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you can see what it sparked.

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And is there a part of your journey that

you rushed through, that you were so

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focused on the outcome that you missed the

beauty of the becoming and of the journey?

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And maybe today we'll have a small

moment that you can look back on someday.

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Maybe this was the day that

something started to shift.

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If you've been nodding along and this

feels like your story, I would love

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to support you beyond the podcast.

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My workshop, the Roadmap to You workshop

series is where you can go deeper into

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your human design, your energy, and

then you'll learn how to start making

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decisions that actually feel like you.

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The next workshop is October

24th, which is a Friday.

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And don't worry if you can't make it

live 'cause everyone who registers gets

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a recording, a private podcast feed.

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A personalized report and there

will be some bonus things for

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you to help you keep exploring.

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'Cause this isn't surface level stuff.

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This is real support helping you to

stop following someone else's formula

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and to start trusting yourself again.

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You can grab a spot.

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For the workshop in the

link in the show notes.

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And please, please, please share

it with a friend who may be in a

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place that you're like, I think

that this would be great for you.

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So if this episode resonated

with you, I would be so grateful.

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Follow the show, leave a review and share

it with someone you know who needs it.

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Be well, and I will talk to you soon.