BTS: What’s Not Instagram Worthy (Roses & Sh*t on the Same Day)
We don’t talk enough about what it actually looks like to make a big life change. You see the polished highlight reel, but not the pivots, flops, and full-on "what-am-I-doing" days behind the scenes.
In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on what the past five months have really been like since leaving my library career after 19 years to work for myself. From failed launches to surprising clarity, this is the roses and the sh*t—all in one day.
If you’re in the messy middle of your own transition, this one’s for you.
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Transcript
Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast.
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:I'm Erica Voell and I am a Decision
Mentor and Inner-Trust Guide, and
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:I work with women mainly those in
midlife trust, their inner guidance.
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:Understand their unique strengths and
stop saying yes to what drains them.
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:Using Human Design coaching and reiki,
we clear the noise so that there are no
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:feels powerful and their yes feels true.
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:This week, the background energy in Human
Design is the gate of struggle and every.
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:Six days, we change the background
energy based on where the sun is at.
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:So like if you think about the zodiac,
it moves into the different zodiac signs.
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:In Human Design there are
gates, and so the sun is in
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:different gates every six days.
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:And this gate, this gate of
struggle, is asking us big questions
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:around meaning and purpose.
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:And honestly, it's like the season
for me, the season of messiness
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:and trying to let things work their
way out instead of trying to figure
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:it all out or trying to fix it.
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:So I wanted to share some of the behind
the scenes of what's been going on lately.
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:It has been five months.
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:Five months since I left my library
career of over 19 years, and this has
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:been like the biggest lesson of my life.
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:Like I went to school, I
have two bachelor's degrees,
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:I have a master's degree.
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:And still, this is the hardest
I think I have ever worked.
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:I had a pretty structured
job as a librarian.
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:I had a schedule of when I needed to
be where, especially when I was on
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:the public service desk or at weekly
or monthly meetings or meetings that
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:just got scheduled as blue, but it
did not prepare me for the freedom.
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:And the messiness or even the
weird abstract painting that being
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:an entrepreneur often feels like.
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:When I see people, they
always ask me, how are things?
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:Don't you love working for yourself?
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:And part of me wants to be like,
yes, I love it so much, and paint it
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:all rosy and say how it's so lovely.
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:And the truth is.
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:I don't think I've ever worked
harder in my entire life.
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:I've been seen as a hard worker by my
employers, but this is a whole different
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:kind of hard, this is like roses and shit.
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:Many times all in the same day, and that's
the part we don't talk about enough.
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:When you're in these like big leaps or
making these big changes in your life or
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:you know when your life is transitioning.
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:If your kid is graduating from high
school and they're moving out of the
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:house, we tend to see like the end
result or the pretty photos on Instagram.
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:But what we don't see is the messy middle.
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:I feel like a lot of people are
in this messy middle right now.
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:I mean, our country feels
like it's in the messy middle.
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:And if you are in your own version
of a messy transition right now, I
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:just wanna say you are not alone.
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:So many of us are going through this.
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:This is the stuff that most
people don't post about, but it's
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:where the growth really happens.
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:I have highs and I have lows, but even
on those low days, I would not give up
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:what I am doing for anything right now.
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:I feel like I get to do something.
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:I love so much that I am willing
to risk failure every single
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:day, and I have had plenty.
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:One of them was a podcast episode
I recorded not too long ago, and I
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:used the wrong microphone setting.
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:It sounded terrible.
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:On top of that, you could hear
our dog barking and my daughter
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:yelling in the background.
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:My husband's like, well just release it.
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:And it was, it was so bad,
but I could not release it.
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:I couldn't even listen to it myself
because like I could not stand hearing
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:the dog barking or my daughter yelling,
and it was like, oh my goodness.
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:So I had to rerecord it.
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:And actually that second recording was
so much better and I'm learning to be
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:okay with these mistakes to be okay
and that know that these frustrations
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:are here to teach me something.
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:I was so frustrated that day that I
had made that mistake and I thought,
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:oh my gosh, I have wasted my time.
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:But now I double check the settings
every time I sit down to record.
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:And there have been others.
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:There have been some days that I
just have to shrug it off and be
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:like, well, that didn't work, and
step away or even laugh about it.
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:My daughter doesn't want to hear
the stories, but I love telling
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:them to my husband because I
feel like, see, I'm trying.
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:It's not working and I'm still
here and I'm still doing it.
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:One of my coaches, Dallas Travers
once said that owning your own
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:business many times is like failing
in public, and I could not agree more.
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:We tend to fail in public, but how often
do we actually share those failures?
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:We tend to like hope that no
one will notice and slink away.
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:But why do we feel like we need to
pretend that it's all working out?
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:And maybe social media has
like, made it that way.
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:Maybe we just have a, a very
uncomfortable relationship with
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:mistakes and failure in this country.
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:Like, are we afraid that if we share
things that aren't perfect, that
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:people won't want to be with us?
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:Or won't want to work with us?
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:When really I'm noticing that the failures
are what connect me with other people.
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:But the failures don't make for
pretty pictures on social media.
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:Like how do you show that
your kid is melting down?
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:Like nobody wants to show that.
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:Parenting coaches sometimes
show it, but not always.
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:One of my biggest lessons in the
mess this year came from something
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:that didn't even get off the ground.
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:In August, I was trying to launch a group.
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:You know, I'd had great success with
one-on-one clients, but no one signed up.
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:I had my pity party for about
a day, but I also was like, I
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:don't feel like this is a defeat.
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:There was some sting, and after
that subsided, I put on my big
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:girl pants and I reassessed,
like, where was my energy in this?
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:Was I all in or I was only half in?
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:And was I only creating this
because it was like the next
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:step of what I should do?
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:I know I've talked about this before,
but like shoulding on myself, really,
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:I was shoulding on myself big time.
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:I should do this.
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:I've had good success with clients.
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:I should do this group.
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:But when I really tuned in, I realized
I totally half-assed the launch and
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:halfway through I was losing steam.
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:I had written and prescheduled all
of my launch emails ahead of time.
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:So from the outside it looked
like everything was going as
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:planned, but inside it wasn't.
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:I felt myself checking out each
day when nobody was signing up.
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:And as time went on, I realized that I had
created this because like I said earlier,
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:I thought it was what I should do.
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:It was like the next progression
of what you're supposed to do.
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:I've had good success with one-on-one
clients, and I should take the same
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:approach with a small group, right?
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:Which is always when things don't work
out is when we should on ourselves.
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:So as I dug deeper into this
reassessment, I really came to
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:realize why my energy was deflating.
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:When people weren't signing up,
I was beginning to doubt myself.
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:I was beginning to doubt whether
or not I could even do this.
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:What became really clear was I didn't
think I could give my clients the
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:deep attention that I know that they
value and that they deserve, and the
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:more I reflected after the launch.
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:The more I realized I was trying
to shrink something that's so deep
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:and so powerful in a four month
container with one-on-one into a
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:smaller container, and it did not fit.
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:I love my one-on-one work.
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:I love the one hour together
and the work we get to do.
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:But I wasn't sure that I could support
people to do that in 20 minutes
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:of coaching, and I know that that
affected how much I was reaching
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:out to promote the group, even when
I wasn't aware of it at the time.
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:That launch flopped but I know
it's not because I'm a bad coach or
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:because no one wants to work with me.
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:It didn't work because I was pushing.
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:And as a generator, when I am pushing,
this is my sign to pause because
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:what with pushing comes frustration.
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:It gets into that unhealthy
side of my Human Design, and
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:it only leads to frustrations.
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:I am designed to respond, but when I'm
pushing, I am not responding to things
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:I am trying to initiate and push them
through, and things don't work out well.
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:I realized I wasn't just pushing,
I was trying to force something
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:into being that didn't feel right.
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:I wanted the sales page to
be beautiful and perfect.
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:I wanted the emails to resonate
deeply with people, but they
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:didn't resonate with people.
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:They didn't resonate with the
people I wanted to join my group,
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:and , now I know that that's okay.
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:Because it made me see that when I'm
trying to bring something into the
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:world in a perfect way and have those
perfectionist tendencies, it could
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:end up not being the right way for me.
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:So I've retooled and I'm really
noticing what is calling me in.
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:And as a Human Design generator, I am
meant to respond, like I said earlier.
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:So I've been noticing what
is my body responding to?
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:What is really lighting me up?
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:What is one of the things I need to
share because I have in my Human Design.
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:A profile of a 5/1, which is like
offering practical solutions to
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:people, but also that deep dive.
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:One of the most powerful parts
of Human Design is it shows you
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:how your energy flows naturally.
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:And when there is resistance, that's an
invitation to notice when things are off.
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:So for me, pushing always
leads to frustration.
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:Responding feels like an oh, it feels
true, and like things are really in flow.
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:And I love sharing what I've learned
about Human Design with others.
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:You can ask my friends,
you can ask my family.
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:I talk about it a lot.
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:It's also the key tool I use in
coaching, and as I've been working
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:with a Human Design coach for
business, I am learning so much.
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:I feel like it's taken what I
can share with clients to a whole
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:other level in just a few months.
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:So I started creating workshops
and I started creating them last
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:spring because that was like
a response that was coming up.
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:I reached out to a local spa
and she's like, Hey, would you
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:like to to offer a workshop.
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:And I was like, oh, I would love that.
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:So I've done a few in person that
I have loved and now I am moving
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:them online with the intention of
them being like a preview of what is
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:bubbling up, what is coming, and this
time when I have felt myself pushing.
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:I'm pausing and I'm stepping
back and I'm asking myself, am I
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:creating this workshop for me or am
I creating it to share with others?
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:Just really being curious.
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:And so I held my first free workshop last
week and I promoted it on the podcast
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:and I put it out to my email list.
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:And once again, what
do you think happened?
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:No one signed up.
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:Now, I could have made this like
about myself, and I could have quietly
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:canceled the workshop and been like,
nobody wants to hear from me, or that
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:it's another thing that's not working.
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:Instead, I got really curious and I
paused and I was like, you know what?
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:I'm gonna reach out to some
people and see if they will
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:come so that I can record this.
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:For something that's coming
up in a couple weeks.
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:And then I have that like really
good energy and they came and they
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:supported me, and I know that even
though it was my first free workshop,
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:there will be a lot of momentum.
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:This was just the first in the series
that are leading into something that
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:I'm so lit up about that's coming at
the beginning of the year, and I will
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:talk more about that in a minute.
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:We always want things
to be this linear path.
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:Like just a nice steady line.
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:We don't want any switchbacks,
we don't want any falls.
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:We don't want any drama.
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:But that's like, not really how it works.
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:That's not how life works.
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:I mean, you have your ups and your downs,
but it's really how we want it to be.
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:I mean, I love a good step-by-step
process and I'm quickly learning
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:that while I want my business to grow
steadily, I'm also gonna have lulls and
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:I'm gonna have areas of contraction.
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:And just like a friend
who's a yoga teacher told me
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:like, you can't just inhale.
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:We need to exhale.
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:We need that contraction before
we can inhale and expand again.
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:I mean, we can't all be like Veruca
salt in Willy Wonka where we will
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:if we continue to inhale, like we'll
just blow up and explode and pop.
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:Like we need to inhale, but
then we also have to exhale.
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:It's not physically possible for us to
continue to inhale and inhale and inhale.
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:It's also not possible for
us to grow without some sort
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:of plateau or contraction.
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:I mean, that's what makes
our growth sustainable.
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:Like we grow a little bit and then
we come to a stair step, flatten out
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:plateau, and then we grow a little
bit more, and then we have a plateau,
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:and then we grow a little bit more.
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:That's what makes our growth sustainable.
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:But after those hard places, when
things are smoother, are where we can
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:look back and see how much we've grown.
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:I talked about in my last episode
about like thanking your past
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:self and those footprints in the
sand of like how far you've come.
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:That launch in August was just
like an exhale before an inhale.
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:Like I can see the steps I took
that got me to where I am now and my
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:next launch will be so much better.
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:I could feel a shift happening
during Eclipse season in September.
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:So like the launch didn't happen.
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:But then I could feel some
shift happening, and so now I'm
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:like learning and taking notes.
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:So the workshops I'm doing now are leading
into something that's coming in January,
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:and it's still in this co-creation phase.
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:It's gonna be around Human Design,
it's gonna be about using it in your
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:life, but it's gonna be in a different
way than my one-on-one coaching.
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:It's like a perfect compliment
to one-on-one coaching, and it
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:will be accessible to anyone who
wants to learn, but isn't ready
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:for that deep one-on-one coaching.
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:It's like nothing I've ever done before.
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:I have never tried something and
then built it as I go and using
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:other people's feedback to help me.
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:I'm so excited.
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:I'm so excited to be like building it
by responding as opposed to pushing.
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:Because I know that the more I stick
with something that really lights me
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:up, then the more magnetic I become and
the more aligned people will find me.
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:And I will just keep going.
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:I am still in that messy middle of
it, and I'm still figuring it out.
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:But the difference now is that I trust
that I'm exactly where I am meant to be.
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:I'm not supposed to
have it all figured out.
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:It is going to unfold at the right time,
and I will have to be patient and trust
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:the next step will get me closer to where
I wanna go instead of trying to like have
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:this roadmap with my destination, with
everything all mapped out to the very end,
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:which means that , you know, there will be
a road closure and I will have to reroute.
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:So if you are in that messy middle,
this messy place where things are not
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:quite working out like you'd hoped.
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:I don't want you to assume
that you're on the wrong path.
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:You might just be having
to take a bit of a detour.
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:You also might be shedding
what is no longer fitting you.
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:I mean, fall is the perfect
season for shedding things.
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:For releasing what's no longer serving us.
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:If you're in the northern hemisphere,
you can see it in all the trees
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:that are releasing all the leaves.
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:Those leaves are no longer serving
them, and they are letting them go.
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:So what is something recently that
did not go the way you had planned,
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:but it taught you something anyway, or
maybe it worked out in a better way?
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:I want you to reflect on that.
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:I will be sharing more in a future
episode about what's coming up
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:in January as it comes together.
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:And in the meantime, I want to invite you
to schedule a Life & Energy Audit with me.
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:It's a guided check-in to see
where your energy is going.
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:What's working and what's
quietly draining you.
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:This is a conversation to help
you reconnect to what matters.
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:'cause if you've been feeling
stretched thin or stuck, or You've
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:gotten to this place where you
just don't feel like yourself,
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:this call is a good place to start.
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:And then all those workshops
I've been talking about, they
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:are linked in the show notes.
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:There are two workshops in November.
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:One dives into the Human Design
centers and like how your energy
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:flows throughout your whole system.
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:And then the second workshop
is one I am so excited about.
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:This is about diving into the fears,
where they show up in your Human Design
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:chart and how they are holding you back.
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:I would love to see you
in any of the workshops.
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:You can come live and if you
register, you will get the replay.
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:So go ahead and register.
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:You can find it in the show notes.
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:If this episode resonated with
you, I would be so grateful if you
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:would follow the show, give it a
like, leave a review, or share it
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:with someone you know who needs it.
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:Be well, and I will talk to you next time.
