"Do I Even Have Anything Important to Say?"
Book your Life Patterns Review here.
In this episode, I share a personal story about losing my voice during a week when our entire household was sick, and how the quiet brought unexpected relief. That experience led me to a deeper reflection on when I first began to lose trust in my own voice. I trace back how small moments of doubt slowly shaped how I saw myself as a writer and whether I had anything valuable to say.
I share how discovering Human Design and learning about our unique communication styles changed the way I understand my own voice and can help my clients claim their unique voice.
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Transcript
Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast,
a space where we explore what
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:it looks like to really trust
yourself, say no without guilt.
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:And live your life like it
actually belongs to you.
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:I'm Erica Voell, Decision Mentor
and Inner-Trust Guide, and I help
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:women and midlife trust how they are
uniquely designed to make decisions,
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:reclaim their authority, and
understand their unique strengths.
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:Using human design as a lens, we clear the
noise of conditioning so their no feels
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:powerful and their yes feels true, and
they can move forward without self-doubt,
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:guilt and pressure to prove anything.
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:On this show, we have honest conversations
about self-trust, boundaries, energy
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:and identity, especially for women
in midlife who are done living by the
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:shoulds and second guessing themselves.
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:If you have taken every personality test,
followed the recommended path, and still
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:can't shake the feeling that you've been
spending your whole life trying to fit in.
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:When what you really wanted was to
belong, you're in the right space.
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:You'll hear stories, insights,
and tools rooted in human
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:design, coaching, and real life.
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:Not to tell you what to do, like
another self-help book, but to help you
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:really hear yourself so you can stop
overthinking and start making decisions
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:that feel grounded, clear, and true.
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:Most of last week, our whole
house was sick with a nasty
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:cold or possibly the flu.
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:All three of the humans in our
house were sick except for the dog.
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:Thank goodness Vince was well enough
to be our emotional support dog.
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:As tends to be the case.
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:I struggled to talk without
coughing, so I didn't talk and
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:it was oddly such a relief.
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:I didn't have to talk.
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:My husband wasn't talking because
he was struggling to not cough also.
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:It was the quietest.
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:Our house has been in a really long time.
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:Every time I've lost my
voice before I've worried.
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:What if I can't say what I need to
say in a meeting or to communicate
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:with patrons at a public service desk?
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:That was when I was
working at the library.
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:That was just such a worry for me.
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:But this time as an entrepreneur,
this time felt like such a relief.
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:I didn't have to have any reason to
talk, and most of my communication
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:can be do, done through text or email.
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:I had to cancel several appointments
because I couldn't talk without coughing.
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:But everyone was so understanding.
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:One of those mornings I was sick.
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:I had this dream about high school,
and upon waking so much came rushing
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:back about when I started to lose trust
in my voice and what I had to say.
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:In elementary school and most of
middle school, I was considered
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:one of the smart kids, but that
was until I did not test into the
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:honors level classes in high school.
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:High school was a bit of
a rude awakening for me.
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:It was the first time I would raise
my hand and would not have the right
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:answer or know what to say and what
I had to say wasn't good enough.
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:I did great in science classes, but
it was in my freshman English class
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:that I started to feel like I didn't
have anything important to say.
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:My teacher was the cheerleading
coach and she called on the athletes
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:more than the rest of us, and I was
starting to enter my alternative stage.
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:I was dressing differently.
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:I was listening to alternative music
like the Cure and Depeche Mode, and a
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:lot of the other music you would see
on MTV's 120 minutes on Sunday nights.
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:I loved to write and we had
daily writings in that freshman
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:English class that I loved.
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:Sometimes they were about the readings
for the day, or she would give us
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:a prompt and I could express myself
through my clothes, what I listened
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:to, and also through my writing.
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:Then sophomore year was the
rudest awakening of all.
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:I enrolled in journalism class
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:'cause I was so excited.
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:My parents had met in journalism
school and I wanted to go
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:to journalism as a career.
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:I started in journalism class and
it was the first time I experienced
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:a male chauvinist teacher.
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:He was the baseball coach and
elevated the voices of the guys
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:in the class above the girls.
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:After sophomore year it, I was one of the
last girls in the class, except for our
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:photographer who she spent a lot of her
time out taking photos around the school.
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:I became the news editor junior
year, but it became clear that the
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:baseball jocks who were in class
were there for an easy A, and they
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:were listened to more than I was.
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:I.
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:It was the first time I really
questioned my voice and what I had
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:to say, but I stayed in journalism
class through the early part of
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:senior year because I loved writing.
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:I loved writing the news articles
and I loved writing the feature
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:stories about fellow students.
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:I grew up in a family of talkers.
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:Our large family gatherings were loud
with lots of side conversations and people
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:talking over each other, but at home we
talked all through dinner, but it was
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:not this ruckus larger family gatherings.
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:But I learned something.
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:I learned to talk to keep
up with the conversation.
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:I learned to talk to fill the
silence, and still I continued to
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:write through high school and in
my English classes, my stories and
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:my papers would get good grades.
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:So I was shocked when I got
to college and my A papers.
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:In high school or now getting C's and D's.
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:I learned that I used a
lot of comma sp places.
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:I tend to write as I talk, but I never
learned how to fix those comma places.
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:And as a freshman, I had declared my
major as journalism and I wanted to
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:follow in my parents' footsteps, but
that changed about halfway through
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:my first semester, freshman year.
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:I had a TA that I really liked, and
he told me one day after class when
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:I had gotten a horrible grade on an
essay, he said, I should reconsider my
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:major because my writing wasn't good.
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:I didn't know enough about TAs to
know that this guy was probably
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:only four years older than me and
I wasn't confident in myself enough
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:to know to brush off his comment.
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:He was English ta and I thought if
he knew my writing was bad, then
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:I figured others would as well.
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:So I did what any, IM
impressionable freshman girl does,
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:who is lacking in confidence.
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:I changed my major.
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:Looking back, I can see the patterns now.
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:Every time I thought I had something
to say, someone else's comment or
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:grade would have me questioning myself,
and I believed them over myself.
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:I thought they knew better and knew
something that I couldn't see in myself.
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:As I progressed through my English
classes and required Western civilization
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:classes in college, I was continually
greeted with less than stellar grades.
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:I was grateful to eke out a C in
some of those classes, even the
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:papers, my parents helped me edit.
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:I was getting Cs in.
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:But my love of writing was slowly
being killed off, and I began to not
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:only question whether I had anything
important to say in my writing.
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:But also to say out loud as I didn't feel
I had a lot to contribute to the classes
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:that I took until I reached my next
major of social work in my junior year.
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:After graduation, I didn't have to do any
writing except for form letters because
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:I was an intern at Planned Parented for
a while between my social work degree
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:and starting my computer science degree.
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:In my computer science program,
there was very little writing
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:that was not technical writing.
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:No one ever mentioned comma places,
but my love of writing had always
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:been almost completely killed off
except for random poems that I
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:wrote here and there in my journals.
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:So fast forward a few years and the
dawn of personal websites and blogging,
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:and I started to write again, it
was more like a personal journal.
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:But I really wrote regularly and I also
married a former English major Shocker.
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:It really astounds me that I married
an English major, even though English
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:had been a subject I struggled so much
in college with and in library school,
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:almost 10 years after graduating with
my undergrad, I struggled with writing
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:papers, but I felt like I was gaining
some confidence back in my writing.
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:My husband helped me edit my papers,
and I'll never forget how proud I felt
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:when he said that a piece that I had
written for my book arts class was one
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:of the best papers I had ever written.
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:It was my personal history about reading
how my parents and my grandparents
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:instilled a love of reading in me.
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:And after library school, I wrote
book reviews for the library, but I
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:was never considered a good writer.
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:I found other ways to express myself
through knitting and sewing and quilting.
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:And then about two years
ago, something shifted.
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:I started my business and I had to
write Instagram posts and I felt a
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:pressure to start an email newsletter.
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:But even still in the back of my
mind, I didn't, didn't think I was
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:a good writer because my Instagram
posts didn't gain a lot of traction,
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:no matter how much I posted.
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:And my newsletter didn't really grow much.
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:I was talking about human design
and general life coaching topics.
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:Usually whatever struck me that
week, I tried following so many
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:different templates that I had
received from my business coach,
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:but nothing ever felt like me.
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:But if they worked for her.
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:And others.
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:Then I thought, well,
I should follow them.
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:I was also buying $27 prompt
guides from various coaches
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:hoping that something would stick,
something that would sound like me.
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:And then about a year ago,
something drastically changed.
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:I learned from a mentor, Julie
Ciardi, that I have a unique
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:voice based on my human design.
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:It absolutely changed everything.
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:Looking at the communication
center, which is also known as the
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:throat tells us how we communicate.
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:For me, my center is undefined, which
means it appears white on my chart.
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:So I don't have a consistent
way I communicate.
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:Shocker!
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:I felt so free and a
huge boost of confidence.
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:I had known that people with an undefined
throat centers had an inconsistent
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:way of communicating, but I had
not known it in quite the same way.
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:I learned that it's common for people
with an undefined throat center to
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:feel that they don't communicate
well because they've either talked
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:too much to fill the space or they
feel that they, if they don't speak
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:up, that they won't be noticed.
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:I also learned that I do have somewhat
of a consistent way that I communicate,
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:and that's through my experiences.
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:I speak from my emotions and
feelings and expressing the emotional
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:tone of the environment I'm in.
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:I naturally say I feel not because I don't
think something or believe something, it's
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:just what naturally comes out of my mouth.
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:Each number within the communication
center expresses itself
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:differently depending on which
number is either attached to or
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:pointing toward another center.
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:So, for example, my daughter expresses
herself through her mind saying, I
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:think, and I know, well my husband,
he has seven of the 11 gates.
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:The numbers in his.
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:Throat center.
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:So he has multiple ways.
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:He expresses himself through writing
and art, his beliefs and his opinions.
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:He tends to say, I think,
and I am, and I have.
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:And I know a lot of women who have both
defined and undefined communication
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:centers who don't trust their voices.
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:I mean, is it any wonder in a world that
can't stop talking and self congratulating
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:itself for being the loudest with a
president in the White House promoting
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:misogyny and chauvinistic attitudes?
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:It really makes me wonder how this is
affecting the girls who are growing
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:up today and the women who have
come of age in the last 10 years in
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:this culture of loud male voices.
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:I mean, that's not anything new.
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:But the tone seems to have shifted to
shutting down women's voices as much as
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:possible unless they're promoting the
same hateful and hurtful messages that
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:women should be quiet and compliant.
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:Are more women losing the
trust in their own voices?
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:Are there girls in high
school who are experiencing
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:something similar to what I did?
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:So what can you do to gain
trust in what you have to say?
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:If you don't trust your voice, if
you don't think you have any-anything
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:important to say, learn about
your human design and what your
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:unique way to communicate is.
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:I'm gonna be sharing more about
voice in the coming months.
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:Because if we feel like we are
always shutting into the void,
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:we begin to wonder, do I have
anything important to say?
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:Does my voice even matter?
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:I can assure you, you have
something important to say.
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:Everyone has something important to say.
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:We all communicate differently, and as
we move into a new era, different voices
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:are going to become more prominent, not
as these know-it-alls and these gurus
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:and the loudest voices, but it's going
to be collective voices rising up.
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:We are seeing it happen in Minnesota
with groups of moms and women
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:who are standing up for immigrant
families, not with one leader.
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:But as smaller groups who are all
rising together, we all have something
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:valuable to share, something important
to say, and learning your unique
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:way of communicating can bring that
confidence and that conviction to what
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:you are here to share with the world.
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:I know that this voice stuff
does not live in isolation.
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:It is one of the roots of the patterns
we all develop, especially when
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:we've been running on autopilot,
when we've been overgiving.
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:Saying yes, when we really mean no.
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:Trying to be the version of us that
makes everyone else comfortable
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:and who we think we should be.
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:In the Life Patterns Review.
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:We look at it, all of it together.
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:The roles you've picked up, the
patterns you've repeated so often
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:that you've stopped noticing them.
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:We start to untangle what's actually
yours and what you've inherited
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:or picked up along the way.
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:If you are ready to take a look,
I would love to sit with you.
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:You can schedule your
review in the show notes.
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:That's our episode for today.
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:I hope you are well.
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:Thank you for listening.
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:Be well.
