A Re-introduction
In this episode of Unfolding, I’m reintroducing myself to all the new listeners and my subscribers on Substack. I share what it really means to be a Decision Mentor and Inner-Trust Guide. Why I'm passionate about working with women in midlife, and how discovering my Human Design during burnout changed everything for me.
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Follow me on Substack: https://substack.com/@ericavoell
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Connect with me: erica[at]ericavoell[dot]com
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Transcript
Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast,
a space where we explore what it
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:looks like to really trust yourself.
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:Say no without guilt and live your
life like it actually belongs to you.
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:I am Erica Voell, a Decision Mentor
and Inner-Trust Guide, and I help
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:women in midlife trust how they are
uniquely designed to make decisions,
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:reclaim their authority, and
understand their unique strengths.
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:Using Human Design as a lens, we clear the
noise of conditioning so their no feels
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:powerful and their yes feels true, and
they can move forward without self-doubt,
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:guilt, and the pressure to prove anything.
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:On this show, we have honest conversations
about self-trust, boundaries, energy
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:and identity, especially for women who
in midlife who are done living by the
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:shoulds and second guessing themselves.
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:You'll hear stories, insights,
and tools rooted in Human
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:Design, coaching, and real life.
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:Not to tell you what to do, like
another self-help book, but to help
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:you really hear yourself so you
can stop overthinking and start
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:making decisions that feel grounded.
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:Clear and true.
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:I have a lot of new listeners through this
podcast and on Substack, and I just wanna
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:say welcome and thank you for listening.
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:I felt like with all the new subscribers,
it was time for a reintroduction because
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:I have changed so much, even since May
. One of the first questions I get asked
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:when I tell people what I do is, what is
a Decision Mentor and Inner-Trust Guide?
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:I work with women in midlife and one
of the things I've noticed when I was
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:talking to my clients and where they
would get stuck is in making decisions.
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:But that's not where they start,
and that's not why they come to me.
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:Where we start is what are the
stories that are coming up for them?
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:What are the patterns and the
stories that they've been telling
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:themselves their entire lives?
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:This is not to blame them.
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:This is just like what were their
coping mechanisms and what were
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:the stories that have shaped them?
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:We also talk about how they have
shape-shifted to make other people happy.
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:'cause so often they have felt like
the black sheep in their family or
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:that they didn't belong, or that they
were too sensitive or too inconsistent,
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:or too emotional or in too intense.
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:And oh my gosh, I feel that
same way my entire life.
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:They also tend to compare themselves to
others a lot, and they've taken all of
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:the personality tests trying to help them
find something that explains who they are.
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:But they feel like they can't be defined
by a series of letters or a number.
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:They have felt like Myers-Briggs
and Enneagram and StrengthsFinder
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:put them into a box and they don't
feel like they fit into that box.
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:And what's also come forward
is a lot of these things have
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:affected how they make decisions.
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:For a lot of them, they've made
the safe decisions because it
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:was what made others comfortable.
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:What would make others happy?
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:What would keep the peace, what they
should do, especially when it came
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:to a job or what was the path that
was recommended or most acceptable
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:in their family, in their groups.
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:So that's where the Decision Mentor
and Inner-Trust Guide title came from.
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:I ultimately hope to help people really
feel good about their decisions and
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:to develop this inner trust and to
trust that inner guidance that they
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:have, so that then they can make the
leaps that they want to make or just
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:to feel like they have a gift , and
that they do belong in this world.
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:One of the things I've been learning
lately is about the new era in
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:Human Design, which starts in 2027.
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:And we're moving into it.
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:We've been feeling it since
about:
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:And what is giving me so much
hope is that we all have a
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:role to play in this new era.
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:For those who have felt that they
didn't belong in this culture and
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:society that we've been in for the
last 60 or 70 years of hustling and
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:getting ahead and like having it all.
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:And that they feel like they've been
too sensitive or feel things too much.
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:What's been giving me hope is that
they have a role in this new era.
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:Their gifts might have not been
recognized in the old era that we're
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:moving out of, the Era of Planning, but
their gifts are going to be needed and
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:essential and recognized in this new
era called the Era of the Individual.
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:So the main tool I work with is Human
Design, and I came to Human Design through
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:a really to tumultuous period in my life.
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:I was in the beginning of healing
from clinical burnout in:
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:I was preparing to go through a
series of medicine journeys and
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:still things were coming up for
me that were roadblocks or walls.
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:And my therapist one day said
to me, "Erica, I want you to go
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:look up your Human Design type."
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:And she left it at that
and I was like, oh, great.
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:Is this like Eat Right
for Your Blood Type?
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:Now I have to figure out something new?
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:What I did not realize is this
was a simple suggestion that
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:would absolutely change my life.
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:So that night I went to work and I worked
on the public service desk at the library.
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:It was a really quiet night.
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:And I looked up my Human Design.
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:I looked up my type, and the chart
I looked up looked so complicated.
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:There were lines and shapes and numbers.
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:I had no idea what it was, but
there was something telling me that
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:I needed to look up what it meant.
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:I was really intrigued and when I
learned I was a generator and it said
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:that generators are the life force here
to help lift the energy of the world.
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:I didn't feel like I could lift
up any energy to lift up anyone.
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:I was exhausted and I had no energy.
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:But then I read about the emotional
authority and that it's based
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:on how something makes you feel.
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:And so I started to Google everything
I could in those three hours that
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:I was on the desk and I copied
everything into a Google document.
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:But what I read through all
that research made me cry.
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:Something that really resonated with me.
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:I still have in a Google Doc.
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:And that was you spread and amplify
energy and you are here to be lit
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:up by what you do, and in turn your
energy lights up those around you.
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:And like I said, I was in a
really dark place at that point.
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:I was holding out hope that those
medicine journeys would help me heal.
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:I didn't know how I could light up those
around me when I was feeling so dark.
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:Another thing that resonated so deeply
was that you are lit up by what you
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:do, and then when you turn your energy,
you can light those up around you.
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:You spread and amplify energy.
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:The energy sustains the fire.
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:The real kicker was this.
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:My emotional authority feels everything
and needs to ride out the emotional
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:waves before making a decision, and
I found this quote by Erin Claire
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:Jones in Allure Magazine about
people with an emotional authority.
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:She said, quote, "if they're happy,
they will say yes, and if they're
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:sad, they will say no, and they
may regret that decision later on.
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:They need to wait to be in a calm
space as long as it takes, and get off
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:that rollercoaster of feelings before
deciding what's best for themselves."
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:End quote.
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:It still gives me chills to
read that out loud because I
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:had felt that my entire life.
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:I felt like I was not
good at making decisions.
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:I would make dec quick decisions like at
the rest of my family, and sometimes I
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:would have this sick feeling and wanna
back out, but my brain would talk me
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:into it because that's what I should
do, because it would get me closer to
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:what I needed to do to get further in
my career, to feel like I was recognized
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:or that I was making others happy.
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:It was all about what I should
do, not realizing that I had been
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:overriding this internal sensation.
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:When I would feel sick about a decision,
I would tell myself that I was wrong,
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:and then I started to reflect back
on the times I had made decisions
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:and when I felt weird about them.
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:Like a lot of times I would make
a decision, uh, or we would plan
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:something and somewhere in my body or
in the back of my mind, I would think,
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:I don't need to get ready for this.
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:I don't need to plan for this
'cause I'm not going to do it.
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:I'm not going to be there for some reason.
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:And it would really freak me
out when it would come true.
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:There would be a snow storm or I would get
sick and I would not be able to be there.
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:A perfect example of this, like just
feeling like something wasn't right,
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:was when we planned a family vacation
with my parents and my sister, and
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:the closer we got to this vacation,
the less good I felt about it.
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:I could not put my finger on it.
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:I didn't know it was bubbling up for me.
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:I couldn't explain it.
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:I could just feel it.
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:Something was off.
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:And that family vacation did not go well.
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:My dad could not go because he was sick.
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:My mom was sick the entire
time and just pushing through.
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:My sister and I were on each
other's last nerves the whole time.
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:I felt like I couldn't do anything right.
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:Little did I know that I was in
the middle of burning out and
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:everything was setting me off.
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:I cried more on that vacation
and I rarely cry on vacation.
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:When we came back from that vacation, I
got really sick and I could not get well.
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:And reading about how someone's an
emotional authority needs to sleep on
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:their decisions shifted so much for me.
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:I dug in deep to learn more about things.
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:I want to know more about me.
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:I've read so many self-help books and
hoped that they would help me figure
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:out myself and to fix the things
that I thought were wrong with me.
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:But the longer I studied my Human
Design, what I noticed was I didn't feel
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:like there was anything wrong with me.
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:It was giving me language for my lived
experience in a way that felt like
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:it had read my personal journals.
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:How could something where I put in my
time, my date, and my location of my
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:birth know so much about my life story?
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:Not the events in my life story, but
like the experiences of being in my body.
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:So I just felt like I had
to learn as much as I could.
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:I signed up for a couple of
classes, but neither of them
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:really gave me what I was wanting.
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:They seemed so esoteric
for my logical mind.
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:The ones I wanted were so expensive,
but I didn't, couldn't spend hundreds of
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:dollars just to learn about type and then
to spend more to learn about authority.
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:I was not in a place where I could
shell out $6,000 right away for
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:Human Design classes, and then.
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:Somehow Erin Claire Jones came back up.
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:I found her on Instagram and amazingly
enough, a few months later, she was
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:sharing about her course and that she
was selling it in increments that were
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:actually really affordable for me.
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:And I started to study Human
Design and in turn study myself.
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:When I was learning something, I
would not just look up my chart,
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:but I would have my husband and
my daughters also on the screen.
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:'cause I wanted to know everything and
I wanted to know how this particular
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:aspect was being expressed in them.
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:I learned that in my profile that
I am someone who loves to dig deep.
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:There's sort of a joke I have with
myself that I never met a rabbit
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:hole that I didn't want to fall
down once I started to dig in.
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:I love to feel like I'm becoming an
expert in something that truly brings
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:me joy, which explains why when I
started to learn how to knit, I took
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:a lot of knitting classes and then
I wanted to teach people about it.
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:Then I got into quilting and I
took several classes on quilting
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:and I made a bunch of quilts.
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:And then I got into sewing, and I really
wanted to learn how to sew my own clothes.
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:So I really know that I can
focus and I can dig deep.
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:And one of the things that started
to happen as I was studying my Human
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:Design and studying my family is I
started to see things come to light.
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:I started to see that
I was no longer broken.
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:I started to see why I felt like I
always had to keep up with my husband who
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:can move super fast through the house.
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:I mean, if something needs to be cleaned,
he can make it happen so fast and I'm
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:like step by step and we're gonna fix
this room and then we'll do this room
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:and I have to do all the things in
that one room before I can move on.
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:But he can just like move through
the house and do all of it.
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:I thought there was something wrong
with me because I couldn't keep up, and
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:maybe it was because I felt fatigued
and exhausted so much of the time.
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:I learned that my natural state
of being is doing things in
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:a very step-by-step fashion.
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:I learned that even though my daughter
and I have the same type, the same
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:profile and the same decision making
strategy that it gets expressed
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:very differently in each of us.
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:She has a very unique way
of being, as do all of us.
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:And learning her decision making
strategy and how it expresses itself
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:differently than mine, even though
we have that emotional authority.
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:It saved us so much money.
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:Now I tell her before she buys something
that she needs to sleep on that
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:decision, and a couple of days later,
she's either forgotten about it or if
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:it's still in the front of her mind.
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:I'm like, okay, let's go for it.
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:I mean, we're not talking about
hundreds or thousands of dollars.
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:We're talking about $25 of her allowance.
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:But I want her to learn how to
wait so that then she learns that
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:she doesn't make good impulse
buys and want to return things.
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:And I also want to help her learn what
it feels like to make a decision and
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:then what it feels like to back out.
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:Or to only have two options to choose
from, so that she learns what it feels
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:like when something is right for her.
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:With my husband, I've learned that
asking him yes or no questions is huge.
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:He knows almost instantly what is
the right thing for him, just by
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:me asking him yes or no questions.
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:So how did I start working with
Human Design in my coaching practice?
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:I really started digging into
Human Design around the same time.
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:I didn't realize how much I was talking
about Human Design with other people in
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:the coaching certification program until
one day I was on a practice call and the
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:person on the other end said, "when are
you gonna share this with other people?"
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:I honestly didn't know how much I knew.
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:I didn't think I knew enough.
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:I thought I needed to finish
the Human Design course
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:before I started to share it.
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:Then a friend in the coaching program
said, when you're ready, I would
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:love to get a reading with you.
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:And so I felt some pressure
and I was like, oh, I guess
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:I do know enough to share it.
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:So I decided to finish part of the
course, and then I would be ready.
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:But then as I learned how to coach
with Human Design, I realized I didn't
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:need to know everything to share it.
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:It was just me taking that leap.
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:So I did a reading for that friend.
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:It was so amazing, and she
became my first paying client.
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:And at practice I offered it to other
friends just to help me get my sea legs
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:under me and for me to feel comfortable.
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:I learned a lot about myself and
working with clients in those sessions.
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:I learned that I can overwhelm people
with lots and lots of information
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:because I want to over-give.
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:'Cause I'm like, I know all this.
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:You need to know all of that.
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:But having a lot of
information doesn't help them.
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:So I've refined my approach and
started working with people on a
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:monthly basis instead of sharing
all of that information at once.
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:And during that time of retooling, I was
trying so hard to be a general life coach.
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:But it wasn't until that first
client, who's also a coach, said
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:to me, "Erica, I would not send
people to you for life coaching.
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:I would send them to
you for Human Design."
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:I was a little taken aback.
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:I was like feeling really pigeonholed.
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:But then I sat with it and I talked to
my business coach at the time and she
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:said, "why not go all in on Human Design?"
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:So I did and I got my first
monthly clients after that.
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:I also co-hosted a retreat where I taught
about Human Design and have since led
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:multiple workshops in person and online.
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:And I love sharing it.
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:I love talking about it.
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:When I meet people, I'm like, I wanna
know what your Human Design type is.
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:I wanna know all about you
from your Human Design.
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:I love sharing it with new people and
I'm just like, oh my gosh, I can't
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:wait to see if this is who they are.
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:And like I can really tend to
spot the projectors around me.
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:It's really fascinating.
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:And I love when I just pull
out a couple of things.
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:I love the aha moments that happen
and there's this look on their face
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:that they get and they're like, "oh my
gosh, how do you know that about me?"
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:Because I know how much this can
transform people's lives and how it can
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:transform relationships 'cause I've seen
it happen with my family and I've seen
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:it happen with my client's families.
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:It still blows my mind every time I
sit down with somebody and I'm sharing
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:what I'm seeing in their chart.
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:It happened to me yesterday.
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:And when I ask how is
this resonating with them?
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:And they're like.
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:Yeah.
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:Wow.
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:You know that about me?
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:You can tell me about
that from this chart?
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:It's so fascinating and I've learned
that as I guide them in helping them
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:learn more about themselves, they
start to embody it as opposed to me
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:just giving them lots of information.
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:And it may not surprise you to learn
that I was a librarian for 19 years.
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:I mostly worked as a children's
librarian and I spent 10 of those
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:19 years purchasing children's
and teen materials for libraries.
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:So this natural curiosity in this
research part of me is just so innate.
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:I loved the library, I loved the concept
of the library, but one of the things that
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:happened as I was healing from burnout
and learning my Human Design is that I
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:realized I had followed the "should" path.
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:It was a theme my entire life.
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:I have three college degrees.
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:I have a social work degree because
my mom's friend loved being a social
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:worker, so I thought I should try that.
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:And I loved the classes and I
thought, oh, this could be fun.
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:I could do that.
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:But in practice, I did
not love social work.
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:I tried different aspects of it through
working in the elderly population,
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:and I interned at a public policy
department at Planned Parenthood.
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:Even going to lobbying days in
the Kansas legislature, I thought
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:that's what I wanted to do.
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:I was gonna get my
master's in public policy.
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:But thank goodness for my dad, he
noticed that my heart wasn't in it.
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:So my parents, took me for
aptitude testing, and I tested
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:high in computers and math.
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:So I did some research back then.
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:This was in 1997, and you had to go to
the Federal Department of Labor office and
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:get this booklet about jobs in this field
and what jobs I could do in that area.
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:And I have to tell you, there
was not a lot online about what
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:careers were available in that area.
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:I mean, I knew sort of what it
was, but the more I read about it,
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:the more excited I got about it.
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:So I enrolled in a computer
science degree program.
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:I loved it.
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:I loved learning the new things.
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:I loved digging in.
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:I loved how learning about
how coding worked and the
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:problem solving aspect of it.
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:And so after graduation, I got a job at a
large corporation, and within a few months
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:I knew it was not the right place for me.
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:That job was not right.
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:It sounded great.
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:But it was not what I wanted to do.
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:I didn't want to be digging through
code to find bugs and to fix them in
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:legacy code on mainframe computers.
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:So I found another job within that
same company as a software tester
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:and analyst working on software for
actuaries in the insurance industry.
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:And all that time I didn't
really feel like I fit in.
341
:Part of it was that I didn't want to
socialize with people outside of the
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:organization, and I actually got dinged
on that for my performance review.
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:But even after a year, I
found my interest waning.
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:It wasn't what I wanted to do
for the rest of my life, and I'll
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:never forget realizing that once
again, I was in the wrong job.
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:I dreaded it every single
day, and I was late most days.
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:I now know that this is a sign for me,
that it's that I'm not in the right job.
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:When I have the Sunday scaries and
I have to drag myself into work.
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:I know it's not the right place for me.
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:And then in 2002, I met my husband.
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:He was a librarian.
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:He loved his job.
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:He was so good at it.
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:We actually met.
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:Because of his job.
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:He did a Yahoo search and found
my website because I had listed
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:an obscure band on my website.
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:So about a year after we started
dating, I started to volunteer at
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:the library 'cause it looked so fun.
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:I had so much fun as a volunteer and I'll
never forget going to see the movie Garden
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:State and crying in the car afterwards.
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:I was so stuck in that job as
a software tester and I felt so
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:hopeless about what else could I do?
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:I was learning that the computer
industry and being in a large corporation
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:were not where I wanted to be.
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:So I thought, I love
volunteering at the library.
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:I should go to library school.
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:So we decided a year after we got
married to quit our jobs and for my
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:husband to go to library school because
I did not get in on my first try.
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:I did not get in on my second try.
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:But I got in on my third try after
working at the public library for a year.
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:And I loved school.
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:Are you seeing a theme here?
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:I loved school.
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:I loved learning.
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:I went the route of the youth
librarian track and I really
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:felt like I found my people.
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:I was thriving.
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:I loved my literature classes for the
first time because I had not liked
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:my English classes in undergrad.
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:I dove deep, and maybe because I was in
my thirties when I was in graduate school.
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:I made a conscious decision I was
not going to make the same mistakes
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:I made in undergrad 10 years before.
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:Then I got into the working world and
I loved being at the library, but there
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:was something that just didn't feel quite
right, and about 18 months after I started
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:that first library job, I knew that
that was not where I was going to stay.
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:I was getting into trouble for stepping
on people's toes because I tend to step in
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:when I see something is not getting done.
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:I was having issues where I was
being told I was being too forward
390
:and rocking the boat too much.
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:So I found another library job where I
was buying materials for the library,
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:and I loved that job for about 18 months.
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:And then the same pattern started to
show up from my previous library job.
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:And after those first 18 months,
I also started to see that
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:verbal abuse from my manager.
396
:I was made to feel like I was
the problem and not the manager.
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:But I didn't know where else to go.
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:The library world is small, especially
in Kansas City, where we have
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:four library systems in the area.
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:But I had already worked at two of
them, and one of them was where my
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:husband worked and they had a nepotism
rule where I couldn't work there.
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:And the other one was a 45
minute drive one way for me.
403
:I was a new mom and I didn't wanna drive
that far, so I felt really stuck and I
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:ended up working that job for six years.
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:And then the library where my husband
worked, changed their policy on nepotism,
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:and I was able to apply for another job.
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:About a year and a half
later into that job
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:things didn't feel like they were right.
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:A year after I'd started was
the beginning of the pandemic.
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:So everything was really topsy-turvy,
and I thought that that was the
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:problem, but I was also made to
feel like I was the problem again.
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:I wasn't falling into line
with the organization.
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:I was asking too many questions.
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:I was not fitting in with my coworker.
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:So I changed to another library
branch, and about a year after
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:that, burnout started to settle in.
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:I thought I just needed some time
off, so I went on a retreat by myself.
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:I came back refreshed and things
just never felt right, and
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:burnout really settled in hard.
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:I was pushing through feeling exhausted
every single day, wondering what was
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:wrong with me, why couldn't I feel better?
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:And just before I was diagnosed
with clinical burnout, I had an
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:experience where I heard a voice
telling me to "gather the women."
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:It had me doing a lot of soul searching,
and it made me realize that I was
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:being called to something different.
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:Now, all of this happened before
I ever discovered Human Design.
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:And what often happens when you have
that kind of experience is you can't
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:live with the discomfort and becomes
even more uncomfortable the longer
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:you try to keep yourself there.
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:I worked with a career coach
shortly after some burnout healing.
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:Because I was trying to help me find a
new job, and what she told me was that
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:that I had a lot to unpack before we
could focus on what jobs I could do.
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:I was so desperate and I wanted her
to see something in me that would
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:help me find the right job, but I
didn't need to find the right job.
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:I needed to figure out what
I really wanted to do instead
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:of finding another job.
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:Because that next job could
potentially be another one where I
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:would be miserable 18 months later.
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:I didn't realize I had this pattern until
after I healed from burnout and after I
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:started to really learn my Human Design.
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:As I studied my Human Design, I
started to notice other patterns
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:that had come up in my life.
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:Things that just kept presenting
themselves until I learned the lesson.
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:And honestly, have I learned
the lesson all the time?
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:No, not always, but I am so much
more aware of when it's coming up.
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:And that's one of the things I
work with clients on, is noticing
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:the patterns that are coming up in
their lives and when those patterns
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:are around making decisions.
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:In a recent podcast interview with
Heather Wick, I had a realization that
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:if you had told me two years ago that I
would be working with women in midlife,
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:and that's where I would be focusing.
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:I would've been like, "oh
my gosh, middle-aged women.
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:No way."
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:'Cause I didn't consider
myself middle-aged, even
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:though I was 49 years old.
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:I had always assumed that people
in midlife were older than me.
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:But then I was listening to a podcast
with someone, who is now my mentor,
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:Julie Ciardi, and she said, what if
midlife is not a crisis, but a calling?
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:That whole episode was about
seeing midlife, not as a crisis,
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:but as a midlife awakening.
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:She talked about it as a woman near
50, and I was realized, oh, the
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:people I'm working with are women
in midlife around their forties
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:and their fifties, and I love them.
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:So now that's why those are the
people I focus on working with
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:and why I feel so excited every
day to work with women in midlife.
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:To help them feel like they can stop
comparing themselves to other people.
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:That they can stop feeling like they have
to live by other people's expectations.
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:That they can stop making decisions based
on what will make other people happy or
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:keep the peace and not rock the boat.
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:And women who know that they can
take all the personality assessments
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:and that they can't be defined by
a series of letters or a number.
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:So that's the long story of who I
am and who I work with, and why I'm
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:so passionate about Human Design
and working with women in midlife.
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:I am also happy to report that I
left my library job in May of:
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:and I have become a full-time coach,
Decision Mentor and Inner-Trust
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:Guide, and I love it every single day.
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:I love waking up on Monday
mornings, getting to do a job
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:that brings me so much joy.
479
:If this episode resonated with
you, I would love to invite you
480
:into my Life Patterns Review.
481
:It's where we look at how you've been
moving through your life, the roles
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:and responsibilities you've picked
up, the patterns you've repeated
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:so often without even realizing
it because you're on autopilot.
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:The overgiving, the fixing, the
saying yes when you mean no.
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:The trying to be a version of you
that made everyone else comfortable
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:and who you thought you should be.
487
:You can find the link in the show notes.
488
:If this episode resonated with
you, I would be so grateful if
489
:you would click the plus sign to
subscribe and share it with a friend.
490
:I'll see you next time.
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:Be well.