What We Learned in the Summer of Self-Love
You think self-love is something you arrive at, one aha moment, one conversation, and you're done. It's not. And if your inner critic has gotten louder in midlife instead of quieter, you're not imagining it, and you're not alone.
Erica looks back at the whole Summer of Self-Love series, what she learned, what she didn't talk about enough along the way, and what twelve women told her it meant to be part of it.
* AI Transparency note: AI assisted in writing the show notes
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Transcript
What we learned in the
Summer of Self-Love.
2
:You know when you look back at old photos
and you see yourself differently than
3
:you did when the photo was first taken?
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:Maybe even love what you see
now that you didn't see then?
5
:That's how going back through the Summer
of Self-Love series has felt for me.
6
:But this series was never mine alone.
7
:So much happened in just a few months.
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:12 women and many more of you shared
pieces of your own in comments
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:and on lives, even if your story
never made it into the article.
10
:This whole project exists because
of so many people, not just me.
11
:And it exists because
of you, so thank you.
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:I just never expected to learn
as much as I did this summer.
13
:And throughout the series, and even
after it ended, several of you have told
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:me how it helped you, too, in ways I
did not anticipate when I started this.
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:So this episode is about both my personal
experience looking back on the summer
16
:and what the women I interviewed for
the series shared with me about what
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:it meant for them to be part of it.
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:Hi, I'm Erica Voell, and I want to
welcome you to the Unfolding podcast.
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:I am a human design guide for women in
midlife, and my work is all about helping
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:you connect the dots of how you are
designed so you can see the whole picture
21
:of yourself and your relationships, and
understand why maybe you need a few days
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:to make a decision that you won't regret,
but your partner seems to know instantly,
23
:or why you keep overthinking and replaying
the same conversations in your mind.
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:It is all connected.
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:My clients often tell me, "It
makes so much sense, and I see
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:there's nothing wrong with me."
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:If you're new here, welcome, and if you've
been here for a while, enjoy the show.
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:I want to invite you to a Dot
Connection Session with me.
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:It's a one-on-one, 30-minute session
with me, available to all of my new paid
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:Substack subscribers, built around what
you share with me beforehand, whether
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:it's a challenge you're experiencing or
something you're simply curious about.
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:We'll walk through the highlights
of your human design chart that
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:most directly connect to it.
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:You can learn more at
ericavoell.com/connect.
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:That's E-R-I-C-A, V as in
Victor, O-E-L-L.com/connect.
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:Again, that's Erica, E-R-I-C-A, Voell,
V as in Victor, O-E-L-L.com/connect.
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:Before we get into everything I
learned this summer and everything
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:I didn't expect, let's start
where this whole thing started.
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:The idea for the Summer of Self
Love was born after watching Michele
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:Marie Neyers speak on a client panel
that was part of a masterclass my
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:mentor, Julie Ciardi, was hosting.
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:She shared how human design
helped her learn to love herself.
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:As I was listening to Michele talk on the
panel, I started to cry, and it wasn't
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:just this, you know, tears in my eyes.
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:It wasn't a passing cry.
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:It became a full-on ugly crying,
and it lasted for a while.
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:I had to gather myself to go
pick up my daughter from school.
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:While I was waiting in front of the
school, I reached out to Michelle and
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:said I had had a very similar experience.
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:I had felt for most of my life that there
was something wrong with me and my body.
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:There were always things
that I needed to fix.
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:I wasn't tall enough.
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:I wasn't thin enough.
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:I was too sensitive.
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:I was too moody.
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:I was too emotional, and I came on too
strong at times, and I was too critical.
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:The list could go on for days.
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:And human design completely
shifted that for me.
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:I started to see myself not as someone
that needed to be fixed or who needed
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:to read another self-help book.
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:I started to understand that I was
perfectly designed even with what
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:others might have seen as flaws that
turned out to, I noticed, to be gifts.
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:My sensitivity has me so in tune
with others around me, and my
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:feelings of my lack of self-worth
were actually a lesson for my life to
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:learn that I have nothing to prove.
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:And as I sat with that experience,
I had a download the next morning
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:while I was meditating, and I very
clearly heard the Summer of Self Love.
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:I did not yet know what it would mean.
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:I knew that if this was the experience
of two women and others who shared
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:in the chat during the master
class, I began to wonder if this
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:is the experience of more women.
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:I started to reach out, and I learned
that while our experiences with human
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:design are all unique to each one of us,
the theme of learning to be less critical
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:and more accepting of ourselves seemed to
carry through other women's experiences.
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:When I put out the call, I was
overwhelmed by the number of
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:women who raised their hands.
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:I figured maybe five would say yes.
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:Instead, eleven women stepped forward
and wanted to share their experiences.
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:I was still wrapping up my series
on voice, so I really followed the
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:breadcrumbs of what was coming to me.
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:I knew I didn't want this series
to become a how-to of self-love.
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:I wanted it to be a series of exploration
because we can see ourselves so clearly
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:reflected in other people's stories.
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:We're so familiar with ourselves that
a lot of times it takes a comment
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:or hearing someone else's story that
sparks something inside ourselves,
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:much like Michele's story did for me.
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:I had known that according to my
human design, that the second half
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:of my life was the gate of self-love.
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:But it didn't really click for me
until I was being presented with
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:an opportunity to carry this work
into the world in a unique way.
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:As I planned out the series, it was
gonna be a few articles and podcast
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:episodes scattered throughout the summer.
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:And my human design profile of a 5/1,
the practical authority, was weighing in.
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:Make it practical and do some research.
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:I have a tendency to learn and then
share what I'm learning about a
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:topic, but I can get so stuck in
the learning and not the doing.
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:As I started to read the written
interviews that were coming in from these
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:women, it was clear that this needed
to be more than a few articles around
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:specific topics related to self-love.
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:And again, not a how to
love yourself series.
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:I was so moved by what these women shared
with their struggles and their journeys to
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:more loving relationships with themselves.
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:I knew we needed to hear from these
women live because it's one thing
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:to read someone's story in print,
and it's even more powerful to
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:hear and see them speak about it.
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:I asked the same questions of each
contributor and their experiences with
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:their inner critics varied widely from
the mean girl with plenty to say almost
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:every day to the one that was quiet and
the practical one to not make things
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:harder and to figure it out yourself.
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:As Sam Graber shared, "The smart
girl, the nice girl, the one
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:who got along with everybody."
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:And as Tammy McCrory described it,
to be responsible, she said, "It
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:told me to be good, to be easy, be
the one nobody had to worry about."
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:She said, "I learned early that being
needed was safer than being known."
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:End quote.
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:And their journeys to self-love are on a
continuum from those who have made peace
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:with their inner critic and feel a deep
sense of self-love for themselves to
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:those who are still working through it.
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:We're all on our own journey
and no one is behind.
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:Self-love isn't about this one
magical day that you have that
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:you give yourself a day off.
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:It's about making it an active
part of our lives every single day.
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:Self-love and self-care often get
really tangled up and intertwined.
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:We often do self-care hoping it will
make us feel better and feel that
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:loving relationship with ourselves.
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:And we think, "See, I'm
taking care of myself.
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:I love myself."
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:And then we check ourselves in
the mirror or we put ourselves
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:down when we receive a compliment.
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:Self-love is about self-acceptance.
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:It's also about supporting yourself,
self-persistence, and self-responsibility.
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:For some of us, we've been taught
to confront our inner critic or to
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:counter it with positive affirmations.
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:But it's not affirmations on a sticky
note on your mirror that are gonna make
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:you feel better on the hard days when
your inner critic is so freaking loud.
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:It's digging into what your critic
actually says when she's activated
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:and looking at where it comes from.
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:Does it come from family or peers, or a
need to feel accepted or feel worthy, or
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:is it to be the best and do a good job?
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:It's acknowledging her instead
of shutting the door on her,
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:hoping that she will go away.
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:And we heard that happen on Substack
Lives more than once this summer.
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:Michele shared the story of
the moment her journey of
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:self-love really started for her.
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:She was sitting on her couch with
her Human Design books and her Gene
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:Keys books spread around her, and
a question came into her awareness:
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:"What if you're perfectly designed?
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:What if your body is exactly as
it is, perfectly designed for the
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:purpose you're here to fulfill?"
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:Whew.
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:She said she had goosebumps
all over her body.
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:She said she could not move.
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:She called it a one-way gate.
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:One- once that you go through, you can't
go back to not knowing what you know.
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:And Becky shared about what her inner
critic told her for years that something
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:was wrong with her because she could
never quite be the same person twice.
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:She would adapt to whoever
she was, like a chameleon.
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:And on our Substack Live, we got to
hear more about that story, and how it
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:was a gift in her work as a midwife.
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:It enabled her to walk into a
room and build rapport with women.
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:She said, "Because I could adapt myself
to fit what kind of person they were.
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:It really worked in those situations.
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:It's not necessarily a negative.
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:It's two different sides
of the same thing."
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:End quote.
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:Tammy talked about falling in
love with her voice and doing
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:podcast episodes on Substack.
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:She shared about a piece that she wrote
on Substack that came out of nowhere
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:from a comment on someone else's post
that turned into something of her own.
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:She said, quote, "There was one episode
I listened to over and over again.
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:It just flowed into this piece where I
was like, 'Oh my God, that's so pretty.'
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:I put it on repeat and fell
asleep with it on my pillow.
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:I had never had that before."
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:End quote.
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:Everyone's stories were so unique,
and for some, it pushed them to do
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:something that they had not done before.
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:Go live on Substack, or even to
share their stories publicly.
178
:And I've heard from many of you
how helpful this series has been
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:in your own relationship with
yourself and your inner critic.
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:This series far exceeded any idea of
what I thought it would be, and I am so
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:grateful to the women who shared their
stories, to those of you who commented
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:and shared your own experiences, and
to those who restacked the articles
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:and the lives and shared the podcast.
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:And I loved hearing about all the
different aspects of people's designs
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:through those who shared on Substack and
the two human design communities that
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:I'm a part of, and how they took their
own unique design to develop this more
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:loving relationship with themselves.
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:One thing that I did not expect
to happen this summer was my
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:GlamCam setup with Tommy Collier.
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:You may have seen the transformation
in an article, or you've seen
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:me on camera this summer.
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:It forced me to look at doing some real
reckoning with how I want to show up.
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:It was more than getting a fancy camera
or some beautiful paintings in my office.
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:It actually pushed parts of me to
acknowledge how easy it was for
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:me to hide behind the webcam and
in a room that looks beautiful in
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:person and looks gray on camera.
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:As I was working with Tommy and feeling
this shift within myself and how I showed
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:up on camera, I knew that he and I needed
to have a conversation about bringing
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:the real you out onto your camera.
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:I loved that conversation with Tommy.
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:You can find it in the show notes.
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:If you have not watched
it, I highly recommend it.
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:I share more about my story and
working with him, and he talks about
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:how he came into his work and how he
started to see people transform through
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:the camera lens before his eyes.
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:So the Summer of Self Love focused
on 12 women's experiences, but
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:it was, , also so much more.
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:But there's a part of this I didn't
talk enough about this summer.
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:How loud and how mean the inner
critic can get in midlife.
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:I wrote an article and a podcast about
shame, but how it can signal that there
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:is more than self-reflection needed.
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:Women in midlife experience depression
at higher rates, and women who
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:have never had anxiety before can
develop it seemingly out of nowhere.
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:Someone shared with me recently that
perimenopause brought in a dark inner
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:critic for her, telling her that she was
worthless, and failing at life, and that
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:her husband and kids deserved better.
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:She thought she had done the work, and
she wondered, "Where did this come from?"
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:Perimenopause is definitely more
than the hot flashes that maybe
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:we witnessed when we were younger
With our grandmothers or our moms.
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:But mental health in perimenopause
is just starting to get noticed and
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:talked about, and it's still an area
that needs more attention, and I am
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:not a health professional, and if
you are in a dark place, I really
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:want you to seek professional help.
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:I never had anxiety before perimenopause,
and my depression and burnout
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:were most likely connected to it.
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:Though I don't exactly know when
I entered perimenopause, since
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:I had a hysterectomy at 38.
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:Helena and Betsy talked about this
so openly on their live together.
229
:Helena described brain fog so severe that
she couldn't follow a TV show, couldn't
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:finish a sentence, and was told by
people around her to just deal with it.
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:She wasn't able to concentrate
at her pharmacy job, and she
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:would double and triple check
prescriptions she was filling.
233
:She left her job as a pharmacist because
she said, "I was afraid that I was going
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:to make a mistake and hurt someone."
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:End quote.
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:She said it's not easy when you
feel like you're going crazy.
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:Betsy described this feeling like a cake
pop, like living entirely in her head with
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:her body as just a stick attached to it.
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:Both of them had had mothers who
were told the same thing, "Buck
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:it up, keep going," and neither
mother had any real information
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:about what was happening to her.
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:This summer, I had my own
lessons that I was not expecting.
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:This series pushed me to an edge
with a lot of fears coming up.
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:My fears of being rejected and even my
fear of success were front and center.
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:My inner critic showed up very
loudly, and for the first time, I
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:realized where this is coming from.
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:I stepped past this comfortable space of
posting on Substack and hoping for likes.
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:I was putting myself out as an
interviewer and sharing women's stories.
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:And as I worked on exploring human
design through a lens of self-love
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:and our relationships with ourselves,
the fear of what if someone tells me
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:I'm interpreting it all wrong came up.
252
:I suspected that this summer would be
a learning experience for me as much
253
:as it was for the readers and the
listeners, but I had no idea how expansive
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:it would become for me personally.
255
:We always have the lessons
we need presented to us at
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:the time we need them most.
257
:My life's work, according to my human
design, is all about divine timing
258
:and having the patience to honor my
natural rhythms instead of forcing
259
:things into existence and being patient.
260
:And boy howdy, did the
universe present the lessons.
261
:I was learning about self-love
right alongside all of you.
262
:Self-love is this lesson I'm here to
learn in the second half of my life.
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:About a month into the series, I
had another download to explore
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:self-love more deeply using human
design, and I started to develop
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:what I have named the Inner Codes.
266
:Fifteen parts within the human
design chart that are related to
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:our relationship with ourselves.
268
:It again was sparked by a question
someone asked in our mastermind group.
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:It started small, but as I began to work
on it, I began to see it was much more
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:than how the inner critic shows up and
what it says and what a loving reframe
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:looks like according to human design.
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:And I knew it needed to explore
also how self-love ripples out
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:into our relationships with others.
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:We may have been taught by society
that it works the other way.
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:Others approve of us and give us their
love, and then we'll love ourselves,
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:and then we'll have more love to give.
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:But actually, when we look at
psychology and experiences,
278
:it works the opposite way.
279
:Self-love starts from the inside.
280
:We have to love ourselves before we
can truly and deeply love anyone else.
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:And a number of the women in this series
share what that meant for them and how
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:they saw it play out in their own lives.
283
:On the surface, this probably looked
like a light and fun summer project
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:with some pink images and another
series of conversations and a chance
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:for more visibility on Substack
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:What I heard from the women who
participated in this project was
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:something completely different.
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:Several shared that they didn't
expect that it would surface things
289
:that they had never looked at before.
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:Saying things out loud was powerful,
even for women who have spent
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:decades doing their own inner work.
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:These are their words in full
about what the Summer of Self Love
293
:actually was for them, and I wanna
share those reflections with you
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:unedited and in no particular order.
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:Csilla Gergely.
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:"My self-love journey was
my first healing journey.
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:It was touching to reflect
on Erica's questions and to
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:answer them in her article.
299
:And on our Substack Live, I even
shed a tear mentioning people who
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:believed in me in my teenage years.
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:I'm so happy how far I've come, and
now I can say that I love myself.
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:It's an amazing feeling.
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:It felt very vulnerable to talk about my
journey on video, but I'm happy I did it.
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:I appreciate you, Erica, organizing this
in a very professional way and giving
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:space for women to share their stories."
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:Therese Holden.
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:"Being part of the Summer
of Self Love was such a joy.
308
:Reflecting on what self-love means to me
and exploring the human design self-love
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:gates with Erica felt deeply resonant.
310
:Hearing the stories of so
many women reminded me how
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:connected our experiences are.
312
:A truly inspiring circle."
313
:Sam Graber.
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:"Being part of the Summer of Self
Love has felt deeply personal to me.
315
:For much of my life, I was the woman
who held it all together at all
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:costs, often more compassionate toward
everyone else than I was toward myself.
317
:It took some hard seasons and
eventually the unraveling of who I
318
:thought I needed to be to start seeing
myself through a different lens.
319
:I'm turning inward the kindness
I've shown everyone else.
320
:That feels like self-love to me."
321
:Jen Orman.
322
:"When Erica asked me to be part
of the Summer of Self Love, I said
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:yes without hesitation, which is
actually very on brand for me.
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:What I didn't expect was how much her
questions themselves would do the work.
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:I've been coaching women through their own
thresholds for a long time, doing my inner
326
:work even longer, decades in fact, and
still I sat down for this chat and found
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:things I hadn't looked at directly before.
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:The stories that surprised
me most weren't new.
329
:I've shared them before.
330
:I told them to make a
point about self-doubt.
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:What I hadn't done until Erica asked
me to sit with it out loud was let
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:myself actually feel how much that
pattern of playing small has cost me.
333
:Not to wallow in it,
to be honest about it.
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:There's a big difference, and most of
my clients know exactly what I mean.
335
:Some of my takeaways, self-abandonment
doesn't look dramatic.
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:It looks like saying, "I'm
fine," so often that you forget
337
:to ask yourself if it's true.
338
:It looks like bending over backwards
to give other people compassion
339
:while withholding it from yourself.
340
:It looks like staying in the
co-captain role your whole life
341
:because claiming the whole thing
feels like too much of a spotlight.
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:I also came away more certain
of something I already believed.
343
:I've built a business teaching women
to reclaim their inner authority,
344
:and I'm still in real time learning
to stop treating my husband's
345
:basic observations as criticism.
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:Yep, this is what ongoing
growth looks like.
347
:We never do arrive, and that works for me.
348
:What I loved most about this
was the opportunity to connect
349
:on a deep level with Erica.
350
:She's a beautiful soul who asks deep
questions that make you pause first.
351
:She genuinely cares and has a calming
and fun energy that puts you at ease
352
:and opens you up at the same time.
353
:That's rare, and it's why this
resonated for as many women
354
:as it has, myself included.
355
:She's a bright light and a true gem.
356
:I walked away from our conversation
with a page of notes for future
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:articles, a clearer read on my own
patterns, and a genuine appreciation
358
:for what Erica has built here.
359
:The Summer of Self Love didn't just
give me a platform, it provided
360
:a mirror more than a microphone.
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:That's the real gift here.
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:And it's exactly what I'm
inspired to build next.
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:A space where women stop performing
for the peanut gallery, stop hiding
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:their light under a bushel, and
begin creating their next act
365
:from their own inner authority,
not from an audience's applause."
366
:Helena Marchetti.
367
:"It was an honor to participate
in the Summer of Self Love series,
368
:and I'd like to thank Erica and
Betsy Forsythe for making my first
369
:Substack Live a positive experience.
370
:The series allowed me to take
a walk down memory lane, and
371
:not all the scenery was pretty.
372
:It was eye-opening to witness the
extent of my negative self-talk,
373
:how downright mean I was to myself.
374
:Thankfully, that has
mostly improved with age.
375
:I'm able to view my younger self
through the lens of compassion
376
:rather than harsh criticism.
377
:I'm grateful for the opportunity
to see how far I have come."
378
:Jenn Gemma White.
379
:"Being part of the Summer of Self
Love series was so eye-opening.
380
:I originally said yes because I am
raising a daughter, and I want her to be
381
:able to practice self-love, especially
as she moves into her tween years.
382
:One of the most powerful parts of
it was reflecting on the questions
383
:Erica asked before the Substack Live.
384
:Being able to look back at how I used to
critique myself and compare how I talk to
385
:myself now showed me that I have come a
long way, but I still need to be mindful.
386
:Being able to share my experience
with Erica and have her reflect back
387
:through the lens of human design was
incredibly powerful and something I would
388
:definitely love to explore more deeply."
389
:Michelle Marie Neyers: "It was really
special for me to be invited into
390
:this series, especially knowing its
seed came from something I shared
391
:during a panel discussion in May.
392
:Human design helped me recognize
that my seemingly imperfect,
393
:flawed body was actually perfectly
designed by my creator for the
394
:divine purpose I am here to fulfill.
395
:I loved witnessing all the women
share their beautiful stories as well.
396
:I felt part of something truly
inspiring and meaningful, awakened
397
:women using our voices and stories
to amplify the message of self-love."
398
:Tammy McCrory: "Being highlighted in this
series allowed me to feel more comfortable
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:being seen and celebrated while finding
a new creative outlet on Substack.
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:The day I did my recorded session
alongside Csilla Gergely was
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:an exhilarating experience.
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:What a gift.
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:My own human design has a transformation
happening, and it shows up from, "I know
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:something, but I can't quite decide how
to say it," to, quote, "There, that's it.
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:That's the sentence," end quote.
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:Watching and learning from Erica
as she shares stories about finding
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:her voice has been truly inspiring.
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:I knew that when she curated her
series of self-love, it would be a
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:direct reflection of her own journey.
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:It offered connection, reflection, impact,
and the chance to stand in my own knowing.
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:It was the highlight of my
summer, and I am truly grateful
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:for Erica's unwavering vision."
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:Erika Sardinha.
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:" I had the pleasure of participating
in the Summer of Self-Love series,
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:and it was the warmest, most
seamless, and lovely collaboration.
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:Erica's questions were really powerful
and inviting, and it was a pleasure to
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:show up not only in written form, but
live as well and be in Erica's energy.
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:Because of this series, I was given
the opportunity to think back on
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:my life and see how far I've come,
how human design has impacted me,
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:and I also made connections with
other women inside Substack, and
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:for that, I am forever grateful.
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:We can feel the energy and love
Erica pours into her work, and it
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:is beautiful, inspiring to see.
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:Thank you, Erica.
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:" And thank you, to all of the
women and all of those of you
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:who have shared your stories.
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:When this series came to me, what
I did not realize is that it would
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:land on the edge of Venus going into
retrograde in Scorpio on October
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:third, diving into our own relationship
with self-love right along with it.
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:Now, I am not an astrologer, nor
do I pretend to play one on TV, but
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:I'm really fascinated by astrology
and how human design work together.
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:But astrology has always felt a
little too complicated for me.
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:But still, I can't ignore the lessons
that seem to come with each retrograde.
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:So when I came across a guide to
the Venus retrograde in Scorpio, the
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:link is in the show notes for those
of you listening, and a practice to
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:go along with it, I had to share it.
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:Writing a daily letter to yourself and 10
things that you love about yourself each
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:day for 40 days without repeating any felt
like something worth passing along, and
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:like the perfect way to end the series.
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:Writing those letters to yourself
every day is one way to start
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:connecting your own dots to yourself.
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:Connecting the dots is exactly what we
do in my paid Substack subscription too.
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:I help you connect the dots of how you are
designed so you can see the whole picture
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:of yourself and your relationships.
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:And as a new paid subscriber,
you'll get a one-on-one 30-minute
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:Dot Connection Session with me.
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:That's 30 minutes built around whatever
you bring, either a challenge, a
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:question, or something you're curious
about, so we can help you start to
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:connect your own dots and understand
why maybe you need a few days to make
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:a decision that you won't regret, and
your partner seems to know instantly,
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:or why you're overthinking or replaying
conversations in your mind, or why your
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:kid needs rest in the middle of the day.
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:It's all connected.
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:Clients tell me, "That makes so much
sense, and there's nothing wrong with me."
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:And you know what?
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:There never was anything wrong with you.
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:It was you viewing yourself
through an old conditioned lens.
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:As one of my clients said, she
felt like she was cleaning off her
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:glasses to see herself more clearly.
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:And if you're new here, I would
love you to subscribe to the show.
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:Follow me on Substack at
ericavoell.com/connect.
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:That's E-R-I-C-A, V as in
Victor, O-E-L-L.com/connect.
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:I'm so glad you're here.
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:Thank you for listening.
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:Be well.
