Navigating Family relationships with Human Design

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Welcome back to Unfolding.

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I'm Erica Voell, a confidence

and wellbeing coach, and a

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certified human design guide.

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And I work with women in midlife

so that they can say no to what

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drains them because then they

start to trust their decisions and

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understand their unique strengths.

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And together we clear old patterns

and they learn how they're designed

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to make competent decisions and

start putting themselves first.

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I believe your human design is your

roadmap and your permission to do

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things differently and confidently.

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And today's episode is one part

parenting, one part human design

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wisdom, and a whole lot of "me too."

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Family dynamics have become one of my

favorite parts of human design recently,

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because family, let's be honest, we

all have one or maybe we have two.

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Or we married into one that's very

different than the one we grew up in.

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And this can be the source of gr our

greatest joy, but it can really be

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part of our, our greatest WTF moments.

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And in our house, we have an

11-year-old right now, and I keep

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reminding myself that she's gonna be

this amazing leader one day because I

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really need that reminder, especially

when I'm being interrogated over a

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decision that she doesn't agree with.

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I'm sure you've had this

experience if you're a parent.

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And many times I just need five

minutes of silence after she's

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debated shower time or bedtime.

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And I know we're only in the

beginning of this since she's 11.

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But lately, as I've been prepping lessons

for my Empowered Confidence Collective

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and building something really exciting

behind the scenes for a special upcoming

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special in bay, I've noticed how much more

drawn I am to this question, like, how

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do our designs shape our relationships?

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Because if you're navigating motherhood,

a life transition, an identity shift,

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or just feeling like you're losing

yourself in the process of taking care of

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everyone else, I want you to know this.

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You are not broken, and neither is

your kid and neither is your partner.

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We're all navigating life differently

with these different energies that we're

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born with, which can be challenging

in itself because we were raised to

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think that we all operate similarly.

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Especially if you were raised

in a household with a certain

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type of parent and they expect

you to just all fall in line.

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But obviously when you're out on your

own, you know that's not the case.

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And parenting's the same.

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It's not a one size fits all

either because neither are we,

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we're all different as parents.

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We're all different as a, as people.

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And human design actually gives

you a language for what you already

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feel in your body and your heart.

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And what I love is that it's

not about fixing anything.

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It's about really understanding how

you're wired, how we are wired, and

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how then your partner and your kids

are wired, and how you can meet

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each other in the middle somewhere.

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So let me give you a couple examples.

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For my daughter, she has what is called

a collaborative definition, which means

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that she needs someone around a lot of

times for her to process information.

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She needs someone close by when she's

like navigating something new, and

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it's not for us to hover, but it's

really to give her an anchor so that

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she feels safe, to stretch her wings.

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This little insight alone changed

how we approach new situations.

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My husband and I both have single

definitions and we process things

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fast and we're very independent

and we couldn't figure out why

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she needed us there with her.

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And once we learned this, that

seemed to shift the energy so much.

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And then another example is

my sister, she's a projector.

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For so many years, I thought she was

just giving me advice, always seeing

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things that I was, I didn't wanna see.

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And now I know that she's really offering

wisdom because she actually sees things

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and feels things that I don't, and she

knows when something can be better.

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So shifting my understanding

is actually softened things.

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I feel like we have a better relationship

and I went from feeling criticized

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to now I actually feel supported.

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And it's, it's a really amazing thing.

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And one of my clients recently told

me, and you'll hear her interview in

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a few weeks that understanding her

husband's charts and her son's charts

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actually helped her better communicate

more effectively and meet their needs

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in a way that truly supports them.

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She's a generator and she lives with

two projectors and they need that

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invitation, but they also need more

rest, and she no longer sees their midday

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rest as laziness, but it's something

that is essential for their energy.

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And this is why I do this work and why I

have dived so deeply into human design.

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The more I learn, the

more I want to learn.

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And I see so many practical applications,

especially with parenting, because we get

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these little humans and we think that.

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Oh my gosh.

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I just need to keep them

alive for that first year.

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And then as they grow and that

personality starts to come out,

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helping them navigate the world can

be really challenging, especially

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if they're so different than you.

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So learning how to parent without

guessing, and then also navigating

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your relationships and trying to

figure out why you feel like you're

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constantly meeting resistance.

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You don't have to keep fighting

your way through conversations and

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wondering why everything feels hard.

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With human design, you can start to see

the patterns and you can start to soften

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them or even break them, and then you

can show up as a parent with a lot less

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doubt and so much more trust in yourself

and in your kids and your partner.

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One of the things I love most about

human design is that it gives you

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permission to be who you truly are

and to stop trying to do it the way

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your friend does or your parents did,

and to stop thinking that your kid

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should be more like someone else's or

that one kid if you have two or more.

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One kid should be one way and

one kid should be the other.

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I don't know how many people say,

you know, I was always told I

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should be more like my brother or

I should be more like my sister.

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But there was never any honoring of how

they operated and how their energy worked.

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And so with human design, I give

you tools that will recognize your

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strengths and theirs, and then you

can meet each other with more grace.

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Navigating those hard days without

guilt and a lot more clarity.

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And if you're like me.

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I love to share what I've learned

and I love to pass along things,

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and I love those aha moments.

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And interestingly enough, that actually

shows up in my chart and I can't help it.

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So we'll talk about that more another

time and then you'll understand why I'm

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so excited about what I'm building now.

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Because I know this isn't just

helpful, it's actually life changing,

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and honestly, I wish I had known

this about my family years ago.

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I wish I'd known this about myself

as a teenager, a 20 something.

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I know I needed to make those mistakes.

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I know I needed to navigate it

my on my own, but I would've

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understood why I was operating the

way I was and that I wasn't broken.

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I spent so much of my life trying to

prove my worth, but I don't have to.

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And I know that I make decisions in a

much different way than most of my family.

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So if you're feeling like you've

been white knuckling your way through

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parenting, or you just wanna understand

yourself better or your kid better,

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I invite you to stay close because

I've got something really exciting

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coming that I think you're gonna love.

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And in the meantime, I would

love to leave you with this.

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You're doing better than you think.

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You have nothing to prove and

your kid doesn't need to be fixed.

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Your partner doesn't need to be

fixed, and you don't need to be fixed.

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You all need to be better understood.

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And I'll leave you with this.

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You're doing better than you think.

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You have absolutely nothing to prove

you're worthy just for existing.

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Your kid doesn't need to be fixed.

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Your partner doesn't need to be

fixed, and you don't need to be fixed.

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You all just need to be better.

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Understood.

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Thanks for spending

some time with me today.

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I'll see you next time on Unfolding.

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I'm Erica Voell.

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Thanks.