Are self-help books keeping you stuck?

Speaker: 00:00:00

Hey, this is Erica Voell.

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Welcome back to Unfolding.

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I am so glad you're here.

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I am a Decision Mentor and Inner

Trust Guide, and I work with smart,

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capable women, often those who are in

midlife, who are stuck in overwhelm

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and overcommitment using human design.

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Coaching and Reiki.

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I help them trust their inner guidance

and understand their unique strengths so

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they can stop saying yes to what drains

them and build a life that actually

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feels sustainable and satisfying.

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My system gives them a grounded plan

that works because it's built for how

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they're designed to operate so we can

clear the noise and then their no feels

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powerful and their yes feels true.

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So a few months ago, a client told me

about a book she was reading, and then a

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friend mentioned one that she was loving.

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And today I opened my inbox to see a coach

recommending a book to her email list that

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she thought was perfect for her clients.

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I will be honest with you, I used

to devour self-help books, personal

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develop books, especially if they

were featured on a podcast I loved.

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I would read six a year.

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But, I had to stop reading them.

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Why?

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Because I started to notice

something happening in me.

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Most of the time.

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I wasn't reading to expand and grow.

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I was really reading to fix something

that I thought was still broken inside me.

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And guess what?

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The very feelings that I was

trying to escape actually got

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louder when I was reading.

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And I would get to the end of the book

and I would be like, that was great.

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And then I would be disappointed

because I couldn't implement it.

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What was I doing wrong?

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Which actually made sense because

those feelings were the reason I had

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picked up the book in the first place.

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That voice in my head that said, "I'm

still not enough, and I still should

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have figured it this out by now."

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And there are some books that have helped.

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I've recommended a few books myself to

other people, even a few to my therapist.

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And I'm currently working on my

relationship with money through one

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that was actually recommended to me,

and it's got some great good nuggets.

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And at the same time, I'm reading

it in a completely different

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way than I used to read them.

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Most of the time I would walk away

with a good nugget after 200 pages.

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But the last time a client

mentioned a book to me that she was

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reading, something clicked for me.

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It is the core issue I have with

the self-help book industry.

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This assumption that you're broken,

that the assumption that there's

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something inside you that needs to

be fixed and that their strategy or

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their system will actually be the thing

that makes you finally feel worthy.

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But what if that strategy

wasn't made for your energy?

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What if it's.

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By following it, you're trying to

force it and you're trying to do

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it their way, and it's the very

thing that's keeping you stuck.

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And it's actually suggesting that

you work against your natural energy.

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I recorded a private podcast episode

about this exact same thing, not to

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shame the books, not to shame the

authors, but to name the subtle harm

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that actually gets missed, that quiet

hunger that we have, that we need

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to be fixing something in our lives.

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We have been conditioned that

there is something wrong with us.

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I mean, think about the diet industry.

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Or even the advertising industry,

there's always something that

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could be better about you.

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Makeup is a perfect example.

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You could fix that one blemish with

this amazing cream, but that belief may

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be that the next book might be the one

that'll finally fix that part of you

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that still feels like you're not enough.

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And before you put that next

recommendation on your library

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hold list or add it to your cart,

I want you to ask yourself, have

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the last few books actually stuck?

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Have they given me

something that I can use?

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And have you implemented that one

thing that you swore you would try?

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Or has it become a distant idea

that's already lost in the pages

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and already lost in your journal.

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You don't need another blueprint.

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You don't need another author's

version of what worthiness looks like.

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You might need to just trust

this version of yourself, the

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version of you that is not broken.

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This idea that you are not broken,

like, oh my gosh, something

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doesn't need to be fixed about me.

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I am whole as I am.

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Like that is a mind blowing thing.

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I still struggle with it with myself.

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And there's the one that

you know is right for you.

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You are, the one who knows what's

true for you, and who is ready to

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stop chasing the fixes that don't fit?

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Let that be enough for now.

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So I want you to just ponder this.

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Think about it like what about you.

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Feels like it still needs to be fixed?

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And maybe there's nothing.

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Maybe you're reading it because you're

truly enjoy just learning about a

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new concept, but I want you to just

pause and think, am I reading this?

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Because I feel like

something needs to be fixed?

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Thank you for joining me.

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If you want to learn more about

your human design, you can

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grab my free confidence guide.

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It's linked in the show notes, and then

you can book your free coaching call with

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me, where we'll explore your chart and

what's coming up for you right now, what's

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working, and maybe where things are off.

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And if you enjoyed this episode,

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Leave me a quick review that actually

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And if there's someone in your life who

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share it with a friend or colleague.

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Be well and I will talk to you next time.