What's Actually Stopping You? Meeting Your Fears
“How ironic that working on a workshop called What’s Actually Stopping You? would bring up so many of my own fears.”
In this episode, I peel back the layers on fear. Not the kind that keeps you frozen on stage (though we talk about that too), but the quiet, persistent inner voice that shows up when you're right on the edge of your dreams.
I share real-time insights from preparing for my upcoming workshop and the fears that surprised me most. And how Human Design gives you language for what may have felt like something you needed to bust through or has always felt like a personal failing.
You're not meant to override fear but instead to understand it.
Whether you're chasing a dream, navigating a big decision, or wondering why you keep getting stuck. You’ll find something here that reminds you: there’s wisdom under the fear. You don't have to go it alone.
➡️ Book a Life & Energy Audit – Discover where your energy is going, what’s working, and what’s quietly draining you. A grounded conversation to help you reconnect to what matters.
➡️ Join the “What’s Actually Stopping You?” Workshop: November 18 or 20
Transcript
Welcome to the Unfolding podcast.
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:I am Erica Voell.
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:I am a Decision Mentor and Inner-Trust
Guide, and I work with women mainly those
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:in midlife, trust their inner guidance,
understand their unique strengths, and
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:stop saying yes to what drains them
Using human design coaching and reiki.
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:We clear the noise so their no feels
powerful and their yes feels true.
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:I wanna ask you a question.
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:How much does fear run your life?
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:Think about that for a minute.
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:That is a question that I ask on my intake
form for clients, and I ask clients to
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:rate themselves on a scale from one to
10, and sometimes I'm actually really
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:surprised by their rating based on
the other ratings they give themselves
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:on questions related to self trust.
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:Because they may say that fear doesn't
run their life, but as we start to
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:dig into the other questions about
self-trust, fear very much plays a role
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:into their why for a particular rating.
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:The stories that they share bring
out the fears that are actually
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:underneath the surface, but
they may not have a clear name.
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:Fear is something we all have,
but it shows up in different
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:ways for different people.
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:And what if I told you that there are
actually innate fears that you have, but
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:not everyone has the same fears and you're
thinking, Erica, these fears are innate.
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:No, I learned these from my parents
or their fears my parents always
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:had, or they have been something
I've been working on my entire
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:life to overcome and I'm doing it.
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:Or I do it better if I just avoid them.
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:We have fear that might show up related
to trauma we've experienced, or there is
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:fear that we have felt our entire lives.
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:It actually might have shown up
in various ways as a kid for you.
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:Feeling like the bad kid when you
received feedback from a parent
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:or another adult in your life.
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:Or maybe it's played out in trying to be
the good student or the good employee,
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:or the perfect partner or the good
mom, but really, how is that working
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:out for you, avoiding your fears?
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:Do you take crazy risks to prove
to yourself that you can face
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:your figures and do it anyway?
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:Do you take these crazy risks to
prove to others that you have no fear?
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:Or do you swallow down the fear and think
that this is just a part of you, you
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:just need to overcome, and then you'll
be a wonderful, stable human being.
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:But what happens when one thing or a
series of things bring up these fears?
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:I am not talking about feeling
frozen and not being able to do
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:anything, though those fears can
show up in that way at times.
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:I'm talking about that inner voice.
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:Some call it the inner critic.
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:Some call it the loud inner roommate.
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:It's that voice in your head that says.
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:You can't do this, or
what are you thinking?
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:What makes you think
people will listen to you?
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:And sometimes that voice stops you cold.
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:You've overcome so much.
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:You've worked on this inner voice
to calm her down, and yet she
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:shows up when you least expect it.
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:When you're invited to share something
with people you don't know or you
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:get invited to speak in front of an
audience or present at a meeting.
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:Or you move into a new job and
something sparks that inner voice.
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:Just pause for a moment and think
about what comes up for you.
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:When I mention those situations, does
it stop your breath or do you feel
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:it deep in your gut, or does your
mind start swirling with all the what
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:ifs and the worst case scenarios?
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:We have all had those dreams.
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:Showing up for a final exam and never
having an attended a single class or
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:showing up to a presentation and you
have no idea what you're supposed to
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:talk about, or you show up to a new job
and you suddenly realize that they hired
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:the wrong person because you don't have
any idea what they're asking of you.
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:It may be that you're asked to
perform surgery and like Ken in
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:the Barbie movie, you've never once
stepped foot in medical school.
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:I mean, we've all had those dreams
and we wake up in the morning
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:and we're like, oh my gosh.
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:But every goal you set, there
is a fear that comes up.
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:I'm not talking about the losing the
20 pounds as the New Year's resolution.
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:That drags up many, many
fears for people and it.
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:Also brings up that
unbelievably loud inner voice.
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:I'm talking about that goal to get a
new job or to start a new business,
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:or just do something that feels
absolutely impossible for you at the
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:moment, but it is a dream of yours.
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:Maybe it's that dream that others think
you are crazy for wanting to try, but
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:it would fill you with so much joy.
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:Maybe it's that goal that you don't share
with others because you know that they
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:will have plenty to say and will tell
you all about their friends who failed.
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:But you would feel like you have
done what your life was made
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:for if you achieved this goal.
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:And when you think about
achieving that goal and the
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:work towards it, what comes up?
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:Is it that you get so in the weeds
with trying to figure out how to get
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:there, that you actually overlook
the one next step that could
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:take you towards that dream goal.
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:I call this goal the CLEAR YES Goal.
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:It's that goal that whenever an
opportunity presents itself to
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:you, that brings you even one
step closer towards that goal.
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:It is a clear yes for you.
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:For so many women in midlife,
we've been taught to just face
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:our fears and do it anyway.
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:And while I find that that can
be wonderful at times, it can
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:also feel so disempowering.
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:It can feel like the advice is
to ignore the signs that your
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:body is giving you that feel
dangerous , and then to do it anyway.
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:And there's a point in that.
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:That without facing some of
these fears, there is no growth.
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:If you don't get past some of
that fear or get to the root of
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:it, then you're never gonna grow.
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:But so many of the traumas women face,
even the microtraumas, every day at
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:work, they dig deep into this innate
sense that something is not good and
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:that something is wrong with them.
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:Because if you could just face
your fears and then you wouldn't
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:be seen as weak or less than.
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:I mean, a man could walk through
the fear with no problem.
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:Think about Ken when he was
in the real world, in the
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:Barbie movie, he had no fear.
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:In a recent interview with Brene
Brown on the diary of a CEO podcast
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:with Steven Bartlett, she said
a quote that just really deeply
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:resonated with me regarding fear.
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:She said, "because it's not fear
that gets in the way of us being
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:brave with our lives and our work.
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:It's the armor that we reach for to
self-protect when we are afraid, and
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:how that armor moves us away from
love, connection and our values.
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:And the hardest work is being aware
of what is my armor when I'm afraid."
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:End quote.
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:For me, I would much rather
not put on that armor.
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:I would much rather not build those
walls because connection, like true
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:connection is far more important than the
protection my fears think that I need.
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:So when it comes to some things, I
don't feel like saying feel the fear
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:and do it anyway, is a great way.
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:Doing it.
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:I mean, goodness.
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:There is a book by Susan Jeffs all
about it that I read a long time ago.
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:But it wasn't until I studied human design
that I really started to understand that
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:there is a place where this criticism,
this self-criticism lives and it has
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:lived my entire life, and why I wanted
to sink down into the floor as a kid,
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:and an adult when I got criticized.
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:I have been diving deep into the
fears in preparation for an upcoming
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:workshop I'm doing in the next week.
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:It's called What's Actually Stopping
You The name of this episode?
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:And something happened as I
was preparing for the workshop.
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:The irony is not lost on me.
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:I will just tell you that.
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:So as part of my preparation, I
listened and I re-listened to some
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:fears workshops that my mentor, Julie
Ciardi, presented in our human design
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:business coaching group that I'm part of.
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:And some of those fears
resonated so deeply in me in
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:ways that they had not before.
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:Things that were always in the
back of my mind that plagued
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:me, but I've never dug into.
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:And in fact, I didn't even
realize that they were fears.
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:I thought that they were just
something that was like always
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:in the back of my mind, like.
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:This self condi, this conditioning
I've had through my entire existence.
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:Maybe they were all about
needing to prove my worth.
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:I knew that there were 20 fears in
human design, but it wasn't until I
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:really re-listened to these workshops
in preparation for my own workshop that
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:I started to see it and to feel it.
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:And those inner voices, they
really, really riled up.
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:When I sat down to prepare for the
presentation, I felt myself freeze.
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:Nothing was coming, nothing was working.
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:So what did I do?
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:I tried, what I usually do
was, and I started changing
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:the colors in my presentation.
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:I looked for new images that like
fit what I was trying to say.
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:I found quotes that I wanted to use,
and then the voices actually got louder.
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:My inner mean girl and that
good student came up and boy did
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:they come in fast and furious.
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:What if I got it wrong?
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:What if nobody showed up?
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:What if I didn't have the answer
when someone asked a question?
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:What if I failed?
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:What if my presentation's not perfect?
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:What if, what if?
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:What if just kept coming up over and
over to the point that I could not
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:move beyond the colors and the images.
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:I mean, it was getting
a little bit ridiculous.
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:So I did what I am so great at when the
inner voices start to take over my mind.
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:I distracted myself because sitting in
that discomfort or actually thinking
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:about where this was coming from.
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:Was too hard, and honestly, I really knew
that like if I tried to push through it,
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:it wouldn't have gotten me anywhere except
a mediocre presentation that I would've
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:spent more time fixing because I hated it.
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:Than to walk away.
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:So what did I do to distract myself?
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:I baked some bread.
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:I tried a new recipe that did not
work, but you know, it's okay.
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:I went for a walk and then I
took a midday shower, and then
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:I took the dog for a walk.
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:Anything to distract me from having
to listen to those voices, they
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:were going to get me nowhere.
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:And then I started to listen to
other things completely unrelated
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:to the workshop, completely
unrelated to human design, hoping
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:that that would help kickstart me.
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:But it wasn't until I actually
acknowledged what was happening that
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:it became so clear, like what was
at the root of these loud voices.
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:What's coming up for me is exactly
what I'm presenting on, and I
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:am, I'm living it in real time.
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:How crazy.
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:I mean, the irony that presenting
a workshop on Fears is bringing
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:up all of my own fears.
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:So I sat with it and wow,
it has brought up so much.
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:And as I've been preparing, it also had
me thinking back on the times that those
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:fears have come up throughout my life.
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:The ones that are so deep that I pushed
down because they felt unacceptable,
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:the ones that I pushed through and
face them feeling like the super-est
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:of superheroes on the other side.
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:My fear of public speaking that I felt
like I had overcome after being in
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:story time class in graduate school and
receiving feedback from my instructor.
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:I'd always thought that my voice was
harsh and I didn't trust my voice, but
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:my instructor told me that I have a
clear and crisp voice and to embrace it.
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:And after I started to embrace it, I
felt myself starting to trust that I had
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:something to say and that people would
listen to me and that they could get
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:past what I thought was my harsh voice.
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:Sometimes as kids, we were
chastised for our fears.
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:Our family would tell us to get over
it because that fear that was showing
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:up was unacceptable in our family.
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:But as an adult, that fear will rear its
head to the point that you can't sleep
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:the night before a presentation or even
before you have to speak in a meeting.
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:Or you feel like you can't
take a step forward towards
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:something, a goal that you have.
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:Maybe you've canceled plans or called in
sick, just to avoid facing that fear when
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:acknowledging it and seeing that there's a
gift in it could have allowed you to step
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:up to that podium or to raise your hand
. Or maybe that fear that what you had to
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:say didn't have meaning is what stopped
you from sending that amazing proposal or
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:applying to something that's been a dream.
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:Because there have been times in the
past that you wondered if you had
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:anything important to say and thought,
well, who's even going to listen?
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:No one cares what I have to say.
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:I experienced this many
times at my former job.
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:There were times that I was
speaking and I was wondering
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:if anyone was even listening.
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:Was I just speaking into the void?
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:Did I have anything meaningful to say?
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:But when I spoke from my experience,
which is actually how I am meant to
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:communicate, which is a whole other
workshop on voice and communication.
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:I would receive emails and text messages
and handwritten notes from people saying,
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:"Thank you for sharing that.
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:That was so powerful, or what you
said really resonated with me and my
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:experience, or you were able to put into
words what I've not been able to express."
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:They meant so much to me, and it also told
me that I was not speaking into a void.
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:We tend to have.
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:Admiration for those of us who we
see going after those big dreams,
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:and we think we could never do that.
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:I couldn't do what they do
is what we tell ourselves.
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:And I am sure that there are things
that you have done in your life that
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:others think the same thing about you.
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:You think, well, I
could never quit my job.
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:I could never move halfway across the
country to pursue an acting career.
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:I could never.
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:I could never, and the
list actually goes on.
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:But I want to challenge you.
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:What if you could, what if there
was one thing you could do?
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:Maybe you don't need to quit your day
job, and maybe you could just take a
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:class or you could go talk to someone
who's doing what you want to do.
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:What if knowing about your fears and
how they show up for you can help you
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:explain that inner critical voice?
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:And not to shut it out, but to acknowledge
it, listen, and then learn that there is
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:power and a gift underneath that fear.
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:Some of the fears that show up in my
human design chart resonated so deeply
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:with me when I've listened to the lessons
that I had, tears when I heard them.
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:In human design, there are 20 fears.
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:I have eight of them.
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:Funnily enough, overthinking
plays into one of my fears.
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:The fear of not knowing.
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:What if I am wrong?
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:What if I don't have the right answers?
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:It's the fear of being misunderstood.
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:Like, what if I can't figure it out?
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:This actually comes up a lot for
me, especially in my business.
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:Like, what if my message
is not resonating?
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:What if people are misunderstanding me?
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:Why can't I figure out how to get
from point A to point D when really I
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:just need to be thinking about point
B or even point C, not even point B.
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:Let's just like one step after point A.
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:The fear of being open and truly sharing
what I want to share with others.
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:This comes up a lot too when I'm meeting
new friends or even with current friends,
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:because what if I overshare, and what if
they think I'm weird for when I'm sharing?
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:The three absolute biggest fears
for me all have themes related
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:to rejection, failure, and not
meeting their expectations.
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:Amazingly enough, they very much
play into my need to feel like the
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:good student, the good employee, the
good girl, having the right answer.
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:I know some of it stems from my
parents and how I was raised.
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:My parents were like, don't
rock the boat too much.
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:You don't wanna get yourself fired.
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:Or my grandma would say, well, don't
be too much this way or that way
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:because you want them to like you.
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:I have a deep curiosity to know
things and that fear of rejection
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:is what if somebody finds out that
I don't know what I'm talking about.
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:Or that, I don't know, something.
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:I think that that need to know
played into my becoming a librarian.
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:And also it coordinates so well with
my human design profile of a five one
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:where the line one loves to research.
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:In preparing for this workshop and to
quell some of those loud inner voices,
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:I had to remind myself that there is
no human design police coming to tell
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:me that what I'm sharing is wrong.
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:Some people might not like how I
share it, but they're not people
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:I would wanna work with anyway.
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:And another one that plays out so
often in my life right now is the
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:fear of not meeting expectations,
the fear of being criticized.
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:This one hits me so deep,
it hits me in my core.
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:In fact, I think it's almost
a core wound at this point.
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:I, for much of my.
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:20 years in libraries, and even
before that, I was always afraid
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:I would get fired because I
was not meeting expectations.
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:When I would sit in a performance
review and I would get feedback
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:that was less than stellar.
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:Even if I got great reviews, but there
was always one that would just dig
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:at me, and it was that deep seated
fear that it would rise so fiercely.
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:And many times, I never
knew the expectations.
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:So when I didn't meet them,
I took it as a personal flaw.
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:It actually shows up differently now that
I'm working with clients and that I'm
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:self-employed because when I get feedback
from clients, I realize that their
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:expectations were either met or exceeded.
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:'cause they came in with a different
mindset than looking to be disappointed.
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:They were excited to work with me.
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:The work we do together can't
be measured in data and numbers.
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:Yes, they are going to do some
assessments, but when we sit down in that
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:last session, after four or five or six
months, I ask them to measure themselves,
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:not by a number, but from a perspective
of what has changed in their lives.
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:And I am always astounded,
and I'm so in awe of them.
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:I'm so in awe of the work that they do.
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:On themselves and learning about
themselves and to see their
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:progression through our work together.
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:It really brings tears to my eyes.
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:It's really a hard session for
me because I have to feel like I
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:have to hold it together when I'm
just like, I am so proud of you.
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:They do the really hard work,
and I am a guide to hold their
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:hand through that journey.
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:I'm not there to be the guru.
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:I'm really there to be the person who's
just like, I can show you a new path.
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:So if this episode resonated with you.
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:Take a moment this week to notice
what inner voices are showing up.
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:And when you get close to those dreams,
when you think about them, like name
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:those fears that are coming up and I
want you to invite some curiosity into it
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:'cause there's really a lot of
power underneath just naming them.
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:You might not have a clear like ex
explanation for what they are, but just
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:noticing them can be really powerful.
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:And if you are interested in learning more
about your innate fears, I want to invite
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:you to book a life and energy audit call
with me where we can see what fears are
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:coming up for you and what's stopping you.
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:This session is a pause button for you.
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:We'll walk through a guided check-in
to see where your energy is going.
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:What's working and what's
quietly draining you.
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:This is a grounded conversation to
help you reconnect to what matters.
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:There is no pressure and
there is no preparation.
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:I do send you the questions ahead
of time just to get you thinking
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:. I have also added a link to the What's
Stopping You Workshop in the show notes.
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:It's on November 18th or 20th.
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:Pick a time that works best for you,
so I would love to see you at the
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:workshop if the time works for you.
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:If this episode resonated with you,
I would be so grateful if you would
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:click the plus sign and follow the show
that helps more people find Unfolding.
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:Leave a quick review and
share it with or share it with
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:someone who needs to hear it.
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:Be well, and I'll talk to you next time.
