Between Endings and Beginnings

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Welcome back to Unfolding.

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I'm Erica Voell and I use tools like human

design coaching and reiki to help women in

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midlife say no to what drains them because

they start to trust their decisions

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and understand their unique strengths.

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And together we clear

old patterns so that.

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They can make confident decisions

and start putting themselves first.

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Today we're talking about something

that's very real for me, especially

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right now, and I know for a lot of

people transitions, whether it's the

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end of the school year, kids graduating

new jobs, shifting family dynamics,

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or even moving through perimenopause.

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Transitions are part of our life

and they're everywhere right now,

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and they are very rarely simple.

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I love this quote from Rachel Hollis,

"Moving doesn't change who you are.

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It only changes the view

outside your window."

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And wow, that really

hits home for me lately.

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This is a big season of transitions.

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Personally, I am shifting from

full-time employment into full-time

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, and it's scaring the crap outta me.

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And at the same time, I can feel this

whole new side of me coming through.

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And I was listening to a podcast

episode the other day with, uh, Glennon

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Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle.

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We can do hard things is our podcast.

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And they were talking about their

book tour and they mentioned how the

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more anxious we are, the less we're

able to think clearly, and it's part

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of the fight, flight, freeze or fawn.

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And I'm super excited about this next

part, but yet my brain seems to only be

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able to focus on a few things, and I'm

noticing this for some of my clients

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who are also navigating transitions

too, whether it's career, parenting, a

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shift in identity from, you know, a mom

with kids in school to empty nesters or

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even relationships and even with their

bodies as they're moving through midlife.

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And here's the thing, transitions

can bring so much and they

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bring up a lot of resistance to.

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And in our society we're told

we wanna change, but our bodies

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are like craving that familiar.

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Even if we are miserable, we would

rather clinging to the discomfort

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than to know that we could leap into

something completely unfamiliar.

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I was talking to somebody recently

and she was saying that she needs

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to make a change, and yet it felt

epic to take that second step.

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Or even that first step.

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And they were so frustrated

with themselves that they

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could not make that leap.

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And I said, but you what you

know is comfortable, and even

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if it's making you miserable.

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And she said, "Erica, you're right."

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And I likened it to this old t-shirt

that you have That looks terrible.

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It's holy, it's ill fitting.

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And yet it is the first shirt you pull

out when you're feeling like crap, or

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it's your favorite one to go to bed

because it makes you feel just so loved.

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And there's also this like grass is

greener on the other side phenomenon.

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We think that a change

will shift everything.

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We think we'll be smarter or

happier or have more friends, and

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yet when we do make the change,

things might not go as planned.

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We think that the change will actually

change us like a change of location

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will like jolt us out of our old

patterns and into new improved you.

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I can't tell you how many times I

thought that moving to a new city or

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sending a new job or signing up for a

new class would be the thing that finally

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unlocked the "new and improved Erica."

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Spoiler alert, it was still me.

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The same stuff dragged around with me.

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I moved to from city to city, apartment

to apartment, and some things changed,

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like my address or a new skill that

I learned if I was taking a class.

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But the old me that I wanted

to escape was still there.

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The same old patterns

were, I was ready to shed.

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They were still there.

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But as I've gotten older,

I found that there's this.

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"New, improved self" is not what I needed.

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What I needed was to stop shoving the

parts of me aside, the parts that needed

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that attention and to show them some love.

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Those are the parts that I have been told

to tone down or that didn't fit the mold

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that I thought I needed to squeeze into.

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They were the parts that were like

uncomfortable and unacceptable to others.

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But those are actually the parts that

I've started to learn to embrace because

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they're actually what make me, me.

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In my coaching training, we did this

super fun exercise where we explored

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all of our identities that we carry,

like mom and wife for me and librarian

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and what were some of the other ones.

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But then I had to like

exaggerate them to the extremes.

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So I went with a perfect

wife or a good wife.

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Neither one of them felt totally

like me because I don't feel

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like I'm the perfect wife.

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I feel like I have a lot of flaws,

but it was really funny because it

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was really cathartic to see what

standards I had been holding myself

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to, no matter how ridiculous they were.

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I did this collage with it and

I had like the trophy wife and

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I had the Barbie, and I had.

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Like the fifties mom, who was so

happy to make her children and her

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family dinner every week, every night.

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And meanwhile through the window,

you can see this picture of the

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husband who is working on his car

and he is so happy to be home.

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And I know that's not exactly how it is.

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But that's what we were sold.

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And I'm noticing this with clients too.

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There's this hint of wanting to put one

of those new identities on, but maybe.

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Because it'll make the transition

easier, maybe more digestible

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and less uncomfortable.

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But changes and transitions can also be

fun, even if we are gritting our teeth and

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hoping that we don't fall over the edge.

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I am feeling that way right now.

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I am so excited to be moving from.

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Full-time librarian to full-time coach.

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And at the same time I'm

just like, just hold on.

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It's gonna be okay.

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And when I work with clients, we

look at several different areas that

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help us see how we're wired, our.

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Human design type, our authority, which

is how we best make decisions, but

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also other parts of the chart, like

the shapes that are called the centers.

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And these are all areas that give us

clues about how we can move through

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that change without making it so drastic

that you barely recognize yourself.

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And then when you make that, those

drastic changes, nothing sticks.

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Like think about how many

people lose 50 pounds.

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They've been on this very strict diet.

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But then when they start to re.

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Eat regular food, they start

to gain the weight back.

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But if we make small and

meaningful shifts, that's

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where the real work happens.

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That's where the real changes

happen, and we start to notice

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how we're designed and not how we

should be, but how we already are.

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And we use the things that already are

to help build on that, and we notice

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where we might need a little extra

love and where you might need your own

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version of that comfy t-shirt to help you

ease this bumpiness of the transition.

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And yes, we talk about how you handle

transitions and what fears come up.

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The There are fears in human design

that actually show us what fears come

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up for you, and are you making decisions

too quickly When you're really someone

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who's supposed to wait for me, I'm

supposed to sleep on my decisions,

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but if I make a decision too quickly.

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I'm gonna come back to it and

I'm gonna be like, Ugh, this

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is not making me comfortable.

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So through this transition, I am leaning

on the parts of my human design that help

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me, will help me through this transition.

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I.

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Especially my problem solver and

researcher profile, which is a five/

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one, and part of me that knows I have

this secret weapon to help people with

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practical solutions, and I'm trying

to remember to use it on myself.

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It can be hard because

for me, my life's work is.

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Through leading people and

through working with people.

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Some, it's all about themselves.

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So this is keeping me motivated

when I worry that I can't

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possibly be a full-time coach.

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And the more I have leaned in and learned

about the channels, which are the lines

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that connect the shapes in your chart,

the more I have began to love them.

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And these are the gifts that

you're inherently born with.

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These are gifts you

don't even know you have.

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You might know you have, but you don't

realize that they're there because there's

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so much a part of you that you'd think

that everybody has them, but you've

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really had them all along and no one

has ever named them as gifts for you.

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And when I've worked with clients,

this is where I see them light up.

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They're like.

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Oh my gosh, nobody has

noticed that about me.

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How did you know that about me?

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It shows up in their chart and because

these are things you don't have to learn.

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These are the things that you've

always had that were just part of you.

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But now that you start to see them, they

some, they become even more powerful.

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. Clients will say things like,

wait, not everyone has this, or I

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always thought this was just me.

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I didn't know I was anything special.

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Just noticing these gifts can

be really, really powerful.

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A few of mine that did not make sense

to me at first, but actually it makes

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sense to me a lot now, is I have the

gift of vision and direction so I

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can lead others in helping gain their

vision and move towards that vision.

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I also have a gift of patterns

and rhythm so I can help others

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find a rhythm to their life.

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But I also thrive when I

have a routine and a ritual.

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And I also have the gift of sensitivity.

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And it, it's a sensitivity to

the needs of those around me.

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I.

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Can sense how people are, but I also,

it's more of a collective sort of thing.

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So it's really, IM, it's something

that I didn't even know I had.

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Like I can be in a group of people and

I would be like, something is wrong.

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But others would be like, oh,

no, no, no, that's not it.

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But I, and I was also labeled as

a kid as being super sensitive.

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But then when I learned I have this gift

of sensitivity, it made so much sense.

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I wasn't too sensitive.

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I was just being me, and that's

why this work matters so much,

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especially during transitions.

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Because when everything around you

is shifting, you need something

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that will bring you back to center.

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I am reading a book I have been for the

last four or five months, called Your

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Soul Had A Dream And Your Life Is it.

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It's by Rebecca Campbell.

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It's her newest book, and she writes

about the importance of honoring endings

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because we are so focused on this new

thing that we are ready to jump forward,

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but we forget to acknowledge that the,

the endings like we in our culture, we

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celebrate graduations, we celebrate re

retirements, and we celebrate funerals.

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But there are very few rituals about

shifting your career, becoming an

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empty nester, going from an employer

to an entrepreneur, and right now I'm

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really like learning to release this

20 years of working in libraries.

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And even though I felt ready for

this to leave for this, it's still a

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transition and it's one I want to honor.

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So I'm working on what will work best

for me and how can I do this for myself.

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I am also leaning into on everything

I have learned, coaching, reiki, human

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design, and the five element theory that

we learned in our coaching training.

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I need grounding.

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My nervous system needs

care, and I need more sleep.

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I'm also noticing that what season

I'm in, in the five elements,

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there are five seasons and it's not

the literal season that we're in.

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Yes, we are in spring right now, but

it's the season that of the energy.

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Of this transition and for me it's fall.

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It's the season of shedding.

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And at the same time, I'm also

in this late summer season,

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which is the season of harvest.

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And that's something I

have been sitting with.

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'cause not all endings are

about releasing or letting go.

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Sometimes they're about the harvest,

like celebrating what we've grown

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and tended to and brought to fruition

actually what we did well saying,

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wow, that was good and that mattered.

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And from that place we get to ask

ourselves, what am I bringing with me.

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because not every ending, do we just cut

it off and go, we are bringing things

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with us, and what have I harvested

from this season that's actually

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gonna nourish me for the next season?

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I mean, can you imagine what the

trees would look like if they

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never released their leaves?

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We're not meant to be the same.

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And change can really be scary,

especially if we're facing uncertainty.

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And after this fall season, after

this shedding comes the winter

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season, which is like the void.

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It's this.

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It can be this feel like this

in-between space, but there's

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so much that can simmer.

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I like to think about when you're in the

shower, like focus on, you're focused

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on one thing or when you're driving in

silence, you like have all these amazing

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ideas that come from these quiet moments

and that void is where things can start

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to change and things can start to happen.

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I have been sitting with this image

for a little while that's been.

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Just came to me when I was

thinking about this episode.

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It's this old skin cracking open in a

new layer emerging like crabs and snakes.

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They have to shed their skin

so their newer self can emerge.

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And so I feel that cracking, but

also like then there's this void

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and it's where the acorn is like

resting in the winter 'cause.

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Without that stillness,

then nothing could emerge.

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Like the tiny oak tree could not happen in

spring, and we need that pause, that space

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like that right after the crab emerges.

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It's still very tender.

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It's still needs that.

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That time to adjust to its new body.

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'cause it's not all about release,

it's also about emerging and like,

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think of most of us are going

through thi something like change.

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As long as it's on our own terms, we, we

tend to like it if it's on our own terms.

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But the hardest part is when change

is thrust upon us and that's when our

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nervous system gets really haywire and

it can feel sometimes like the floor

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has been swept out from under us.

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And that's where we need to ask for help.

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And I, will be honest.

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It's very hard to ask for help

sometimes, especially for women.

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We are conditioned to be the

helper, not the one who is asking.

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We're the one who will step forward

when people are asking for help.

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And I tend to only ask for help

when I can't do something myself.

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I had hand surgery in January and

it was really frustrating because I

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wanted to do everything myself, but I

also realized I could not do things.

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I only had the use of one of my hands.

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So I've really prided

myself on being independent.

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But when I asked for help, someone helped

and it was so hard to receive it, but I

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was so grateful for people who helped me.

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But asking is really part of being

human and during transitions,

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we need that community.

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We need those people to help us.

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So if you're in the middle of a transition

right now, whether it's a big one or

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this quiet internal shift, I want you

to know that you don't need to become

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someone new, like there's a new part of

you that's growing underneath that shell.

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You just need to start to come home

to yourself because you're going

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to be growing into something new.

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It might not be ready to crack open yet.

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And we don't always need reinvention in

the self-help and, coaching industry.

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Like there's always this like,

you need to reinvent yourself.

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You need to be this new woman.

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But sometimes we just really need to come

back to ourselves and like really reclaim

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who we are and understand that we have

our own rhythm, we have your own strengths

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and how knowing these will help you

move through this transition with ease.

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And that's what I'm here for.

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I.

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So thank you for being here.

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If this resonated, feel free to share this

episode with a friend, leave a review that

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would help other people find this podcast.

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And don't forget to click the plus

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miss out on the newer episodes.

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Talk to you soon.