"I'm Fine" and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves: A Conversation with Talia Toms
In this episode, Erica sits down with actress and coach Talia Toms to talk about what burnout in the acting world actually looks like and why it might sound a lot like your life too.
Talia spent years doing everything she was told, the classes, the coaches, the hustle, while not getting results. Her strategy didn't change. Her relationship with herself did. She shares what it took to stop performing her worth, how she went from spinning her wheels to booking consistently, and what she learned when she discovered she was a Human Design Projector.
Talia Toms is an actress and life and career alignment coach who helps actors become Grounded and Unstoppable by learning to move through their career with self-trust instead of fear and desperation.
Website: https://thelifeforwardapproachtobooking.com/
Find her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theactorsflow/
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Transcript
Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast, a space where we explore what
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:it looks like to really trust yourself,
say no without guilt, and live your
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:life like it actually belongs to you.
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:I am Erica Voell, a Decision Mentor
and Inner-Trust Guide, and I help
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:women in midlife untangle from the
life patterns of shape shifting
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:and keeping everyone else happy.
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:Claim how they are uniquely
designed to make decisions.
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:And understand their unique strengths
using human design as a lens, we clear the
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:noise of conditioning so their no feels
powerful and their yes feels true, and
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:they can move forward without self-doubt.
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:Guilt or the pressure to prove anything.
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:On this show, we have honest conversations
about self-trust, boundaries, energy
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:and identity, especially for women
in midlife who are done living by the
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:shoulds and second guessing themselves.
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:If you've taken every personality test,
followed the recommended path, and still
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:can't shake the feeling that you've
been spending your whole life trying to
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:fit in when what you really wanted was
to belong, you're in the right place.
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:You'll have stories, insights,
and tools rooted in human
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:design, coaching, and real life.
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:Not to tell you what to do, like
a self-help book, but to help you
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:really hear yourself so you can stop
overthinking and start making decisions
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:that feel grounded, clear, and true.
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:Our guest today is someone that I
just love and I tell you that I love
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:everybody, but really the people
I bring on my podcast, I are the
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:people that I genuinely want to talk
about and I want to share with you.
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:Our guest today is Talia Toms.
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:She's an actress and a life and
career alignment coach for actors.
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:She helps actors become grounded un
unstoppable by learning how to move
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:through their life and career with
clarity, intention, and self-trust
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:instead of fear and desperation for
her successes isn't about landing
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:the role, it's about becoming the
person who can enjoy the journey.
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:Talia and I met through one of our
business coaches, and I am so excited
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:for you to hear this conversation.
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:I had chills multiple times.
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:I even teared up a couple of times.
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:Her story is just so beautiful and
she shares something at the end that I
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:think is gonna really resonate with you.
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:Talia, welcome to the Unfolding podcast.
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:I'm so glad you're here.
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:Welcome.
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:Talia Toms: Thank you so much.
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:I'm so grateful to be here.
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:I love your podcast, and I love the
guests that you bring on, so I'm honored.
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:Erica Voell: Well, tell us who you
are and what you do and how your work
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:has evolved, 'cause we know you were
acting, and now you're in coaching.
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:Tell us about that.
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:Talia Toms: Okay.
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:Well, I'm...
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:So Talia Toms.
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:I am an actress.
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:I did take a break there, but
I'm still getting back into it.
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:So I'm, I'm an actress, but
I'm also a life and career
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:alignment coach for actors.
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:And honestly, I had a health and
fitness coaching business before
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:I had the coaching business
now, what I coach on now.
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:Um, and that's, that's, that's
where I started coaching people.
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:But with the acting, as far as, um...
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:Basically, I had a health issue come
up, so with the acting, I had to
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:go on pause for a good five years.
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:I kept coaching, but the coaching
evolved into more than that because
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:actually how my acting career got off
the ground is now what I teach to actors.
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:Erica Voell: Mm.
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:Talia Toms: So, so it's, it's kind of
evolved along with my acting career.
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:Erica Voell: So can you walk us
through y- your journey of into
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:acting and then into coaching, and how
does it now overlap with your work?
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:Talia Toms: Okay.
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:Well, I'll be honest.
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:I was in...
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:I lived in Atlanta at the time.
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:You want the whole story of
how I got into acting, or...
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:Erica Voell: I w-
whatever you wanna share.
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:Okay.
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:I would love...
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:I love...
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:I'm so intrigued by your story.
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:Talia Toms: Aw, thank you.
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:Okay.
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:Well, how I got bit by the bug,
I was in Atlanta, and I had...
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:I started out with on the modeling side.
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:And my agent was like, "You can make
more money if you do commercials, too.
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:So I need you to go take
a cl- an acting class."
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:And I resisted at first,
to be honest with you.
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:I was like, "I don't
really want to, but okay."
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:Um, so long story short, I took the
acting class and had the best time.
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:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
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:Talia Toms: I, I definitely got
bit by the bug, and I knew it's
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:what I wanted to do, to pursue.
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:And so I didn't stop.
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:I, I just grew more and more confidence
about myself and believed that I,
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:that I can make it and make a mark and
actually get myself from wanting to just
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:be an actor to actually on the screen.
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:And I did achieve that,
which I'm so excited about.
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:It started with commercials,
then it got into film and TV.
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:So, um, but it was interesting
because as I was going through my
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:acting journey- Before actually th-
things actually started to take off.
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:It was, because it's a long journey.
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:It, it, it can, it can be
a hard journey for actors.
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:Um, but now that I've learned what
I teach other actors, you can adjust
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:your mindset, and so it's, it's
not, it, it doesn't have to be hard.
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:But it, it is a journey though, that
you have to have thick skin around.
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:And as far as how I came upon wanting
to teach actors, how I got into actually
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:become a working actor, um, I, I honestly
went through my own story where I
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:was doing hustle culture really hard.
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:Like, I was, you know, A personality.
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:I just did everything.
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:I was doing everything right.
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:They said, "Do this."
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:Okay, I'll go and do this.
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:I was taking this acting class.
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:I was following this career coach.
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:I was taking challenges that the
career coach was, was giving out to us.
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:You know, m- making ha- making
sure I had a headshot and a reel
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:and all the necessary things.
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:And I still wasn't getting any results.
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:I still didn't get auditions.
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:I didn't book them.
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:And long story short, I, I honestly got
to a point, it was beyond burnout, 'cause
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:we all can easily experience burnout.
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:Mm-hmm.
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:It was beyond burnout.
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:But I got to a point where I, I, I
didn't know how to word it then, but I
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:know how to word it now in hindsight,
but I lost, I, I completely lost track
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:of myself, and honestly, my life, and
making sure my life was okay and grounded.
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:So I decided to...
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:I actually did have an agent at
the time, and I was getting some
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:auditions, and I basically decided
to honor that relationship with my
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:agent and also my auditions, 'cause
it's, it is what I love to do.
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:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
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:Talia Toms: But I got to a point
where I was like, "No more."
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:No more of doing every,
checking everything off the box.
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:I, I stopped.
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:I, I, I couldn't...
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:It, it's like I was so lost
spiritually that I actually
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:signed up for a spiritual class.
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:And so I stopped doing all the things they
say doing in the acting career, and I just
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:went on this journey of finding myself.
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:I got my finances back in check.
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:I was making sure my health was in line.
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:I, my job was no longer a side
job that I hated, 'cause that
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:also affects your creativity-
Mm-hmm ... and your spirit, just,
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:you know, just in your everyday life.
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:And I, I, and I call it
complementary passion.
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:I teach actors that it's really helpful
to have a complementary passion,
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:especially one that also can pay the
bills or contribute to your income.
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:And so I loved showing up
for my complementary passion.
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:At the time, it was a
health and fitness coach.
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:And I, I noticed I would go into my
auditions with much more confidence,
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:not no- the desperation w- was gone.
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:I no longer needed to book it.
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:I no, no longer needed the auditions
'cause I was happy in the rest of my life.
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:Not everything was perfect.
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:I still needed to work on relationships in
my life, but, um, and my mom had passed,
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:so not everything was perfect by far.
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:You know?
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:But I was starting to piece
things together in my life.
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:It's like what I s-
you know, teach actors.
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:It's like we're gonna ground your life
first, you know, because that's, that's
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:where we, that's where we perform from.
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:That's where we act from.
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:You know, just as people in general,
that's how we're able to show up for
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:work, be the mom, be the dad, you know?
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:So it's play the roles
that we play in life.
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:Um, so especially for an actor to carry
on, you know, extra roles that we do,
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:um, and to, to perform that and to have
it come from us authentically, like we,
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:it is so helpful to be grounded in your
life and to, especially within yourself.
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:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
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:Talia Toms: And so, um, I, I,
all of a sudden, I, I just, my
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:confidence just, just really blew up.
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:Um, and I was just so focused on,
it was so nice to be done with the
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:hustle culture with all the busy work.
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:I could focus on what was in front
of me, and that was the audition,
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:you know, and just enjoy that.
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:And, and also enjoy and feel good in
the rest of my, in most of my life.
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:And so I just started booking like crazy.
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:You know, I booked my first co-star.
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:I booked, I've, I've booked
a number of them since then.
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:I booked two pilots.
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:They both started out as co-stars.
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:They both wanted to write for me,
so they became reoccurring roles.
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:I've been on HBO.
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:Like it just, my career
just started taking off.
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:Um, and I was like, "Whoa,
what's going on here?
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:How did I make all this happen?"
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:So long story short, I really just
kinda sat back and I was like, "How
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:am I in such a flow right now?"
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:And that, hence the name of
my business, The Actor's Flow.
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:I was like, "How can I
teach this to, to actors?"
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:'Cause I am doing way less,
worrying none, having fun, and
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:I'm actually hitting my goals and
dreams of booking those acting jobs.
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:It was amazing.
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:So that's when my, I started
just brainstorming, just
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:piecing it all together.
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:Mm-hmm.
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:Um, so now it's, my framework is
called Grounded and Unstoppable.
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:And so that's when I became very
grounded in my life and unstoppable
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:because I was booking just about
everything that I would go out for.
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:But it, for sure, the word
unstoppable is not just booking a job.
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:Um, it's definitely, you know,
unstoppable with me coming back from
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:a health journey, a, a, a crisis where
I had to bring myself back, and so now
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:I'm back in the business of acting.
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:You know, it's unstoppable in
your mindset, so when you're not
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:getting auditions, you don't spiral.
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:You know?
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:So it's, um, so the core belief around
my framework, Grounded And Unstoppable,
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:is basically this one belief of
when you and your life are grounded,
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:your acting career is unstoppable.
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:Erica Voell: Oh my gosh.
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:I have chills as you were talking,
'cause I, I know that feeling of,
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:like, when you start to embody this
part of you, like, people notice.
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:I mean- Mm-hmm ... I, I
tell the story all the time.
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:Like, when I started to really
embody that I was leaving the
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:library, people could see it.
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:Like, I came into work and
people were like, "There's
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:something different about you."
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:Like-
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:Talia Toms: Oh
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:... " Erica Voell: Did you get a haircut?"
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:And I was like, "No.
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:No."
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:I just had had, like, I had changed some
things in my life, and had done enough
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:work that, like, then I could embody what
I really wanted and who I wanted to be.
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:So.
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:Yes,
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:Talia Toms: yes.
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:Erica Voell: Yeah.
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:And, oh, I love this story so much.
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:This is exactly why I wanted
to have you on the podcast.
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:So you talk about, um, a little bit
about, like, things changed for you.
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:Um, when did things
start to show up for you?
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:Like, I, I, I wanna, I'm curious
about was it in midlife that
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:things started to show up for you?
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:Like, where does the, did, when did
this shift happen and, like, what
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:were things that you did, in addition
to what you've already talked about,
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:that helped you start to show up
better and really affected how you w-
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:you were as an actress or an actor?
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:Talia Toms: Okay.
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:An actor and coach, or...?
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:Erica Voell: All of it.
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:All of
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:Talia Toms: it, like- Okay.
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:Okay, so how did things
begin to get better?
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:Erica Voell: Yeah.
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:Or you can, I mean, you could even
take us back even to your journey,
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:like, what were some stories that
you had to, to rewrite and release
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:to get you to, to be able to, to ha-
start to do this journey and to heal?
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:Talia Toms: I know, I know a big one
for me is, man, stop, stop putting
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:so much, 'cause with, when you...
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:It's like when we, all us actors, we
just have these blinders on, and that
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:we're so focused on getting an agent, on
getting an audition, and getting booked.
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:It's not even becoming famous.
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:You just wanna work as an
actor and get paid for it.
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:You know?
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:And, and, and- Get bigger and bigger
roles, more fun roles, and, you know,
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:it's just, I got to a point where since
I had everything else grounded in my
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:life, or enough of it anyway, um, and,
uh, and definitely a job that I really
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:enjoyed, I no longer found myself...
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:And I was reading a lot of
personal development books.
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:That helped a l- quite a bit, too.
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:Um, and it helped me.
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:The personal development books that
I was reading, like, it would help
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:me bring myself back to myself.
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:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
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:Talia Toms: And, you know, and so
that took my whole audition experience
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:to a whole nother level, too,
because I had this inner confidence.
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:You know, so, but I would s- I
would go into audition rooms no
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:longer trying to perform my worth-
Mm ... and be chosen, and get the
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:job, and be worthy, and be enough.
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:I just, I just went in there and did
my thing, enjoyed doing my thing, and
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:then had a job that I had to go back to,
that I got to go back to, and had fun.
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:So I would say it was a mix of personal
development books, that spiritual class,
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:just becoming just grounded within myself.
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:I've done a lot of inner work.
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:So I, I would just say, you
know, tools and modalities and
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:exercises that I would learn.
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:There's one coach, um, it's the Body
Wisdom Academy, and she would take
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:us through tapping and, you know,
all this nervous n- you know, nervous
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:system regulation and stuff like that.
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:So that's also a part of my program,
like what has helped me to be strong
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:and grounded, I teach now to actors.
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:Erica Voell: So you said something
in the application that you sent in
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:that I, like, it totally stopped me.
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:You said, "Burnout in this industry
doesn't always look like a breakdown.
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:Sometimes it looks like saying,
'I'm fine,' when you haven't
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:taken a deep breath in weeks."
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:That just, like, hit me so hard,
because I've dealt with burnout.
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:It was a several y- I had some
really rough years, and it just, I
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:was like, yes, because so much of
that time I was saying, "I'm fine.
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:I'm fine."
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:And then somebody finally said to me,
"Do you know what fine really means?"
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:And I was like, "No."
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:And she said, "Fine means
feelings I'm not expressing."
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:And I was like, "Oh."
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:Talia Toms: Oh.
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:Erica Voell: Oh.
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:I like
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:Talia Toms: that.
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:Oh, it's so true.
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:Erica Voell: Yes.
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:So what has been your experience?
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:What does burnout look like for the
actors that you work, you've worked with
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:or are working with, and, like, how do
they appear to be fine when you can see
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:that there's some burnout happening, or
they've, they've just said- They come to
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:you 'cause they're like, "I need help."
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:Mm-hmm.
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:So talk about that.
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:Talia Toms: It's, it's when...
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:And I w- I was doing this for decades.
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:I was so guilty of this until I woke up.
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:Um, it's that desperation
that you carry with yourself.
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:I need to get representation.
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:I need to book this job.
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:I need to climb the ladder.
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:Just like in, in any industry,
we wanna climb that ladder.
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:Like, I need this, I
need this, I need this.
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:And, you know, there's so many
deeper stories underneath ourselves
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:from our inner child, from our
nervous system, that is s- telling
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:us that we need this in order to
be someone, in order to be enough.
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:So it really comes from
that desperation energy.
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:And now I'm trying to
remember your question again.
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:Erica Voell: So, like, when they come
to you, where, where are they at?
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:Talia Toms: The burnout.
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:In- Yes, thank you ... the burnout.
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:Thank you.
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:Thank you so much.
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:Yes.
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:So it, it is, one, that desperation
energy is lagging, is, is tugging on them.
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:That's where I was going with all of this.
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:And it's, it's following...
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:It's being a part of the hustle
culture in order for one to make it.
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:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
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:Talia Toms: And doing all the things
that you're, that you're trained to do.
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:In acting class, the teacher, the
acting teachers are great with
333
:acting, but they don't necess- But
they'll tell us things over here also.
334
:And so you need to stay up till
2:00 in the morning to make sure
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:you have your audition down.
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:It's like, it's little things that
we're taught like that from...
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:I know a lot of it, for me,
was taught by acting teachers.
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:I'm like, I, "You all just stick
to teaching us how to act, because
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:that's what you're really good at."
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:As far as, like, lifestyle around
developing a career and being a human
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:while going after this career, they would
give a lot of hustle culture advice.
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:Now, their intentions were great and well
for us to succeed, but in reality, that's
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:where a lot of actors will burn themselves
out, because they will do exactly
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:what everyone is telling them to do.
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:It's also a, it is also a huge
mental game, um, for actors
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:to want auditions and not...
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:They're not coming in, or
you're getting auditions and
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:you're still not getting booked.
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:It's a lot to balance.
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:So there's burnout on the mental
side, there's burnout on the emotional
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:side, and there's burnout on the
physical side of taking action in
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:order for you to be a working actor.
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:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
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:Talia Toms: And so when they come to me,
what was my biggest problem and what I
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:talk about the most is you're doing all
the right things, but you're not booking.
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:You're staying stuck.
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:So that burnout- It's like you don't,
and I don't wanna say you wear it
358
:like a badge of honor, but it's
something, the whole, "I'm fine.
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:I got this.
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:I'm fine.
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:I'm fine."
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:It's, it's like it's, it- it's just a
part of you and you don't know different.
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:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
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:Talia Toms: You know, to keep going.
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:I hear that.
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:Erica Voell: Yeah.
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:Talia Toms: Yeah.
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:To keep going, to keep striving, but
you don't realize the truth of it all.
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:You know, like the feelings
that you're not expressing.
370
:That's another thing with my
Grounded and Unstoppable framework.
371
:I give, I teach actors about journal
speak, giving them permission to
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:actually journal, take 10 to 20
minutes to journal about how you
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:are really feeling right now.
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:Let your inner child out.
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:Cuss if you need to.
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:Yeah.
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:Like, just let all your feelings out.
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:You know, burn it, tear
it up when you're done.
379
:You know, take a minute to regulate,
put your hand on your heart, and
380
:after that, go about your day.
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:But none of us, we weren't taught w-
when we were growing up, especially if
382
:you were born in the '70s or before.
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:Yeah.
384
:We weren't t- we weren't taught any
regulating tools or any, you know,
385
:we actually get to say how we feel.
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:Erica Voell: Uh-huh.
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:Talia Toms: You know?
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:And no one, I watch these, you know, these
other acting gurus in the industry, even
389
:ones that I follow and look up to and,
you know, buy their courses or whatever.
390
:No one is giving actors the permission
to say how they really feel.
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:Take, take, take any industry.
392
:No one of us, no one has given
us the permission- No ... to
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:say how we really feel.
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:So I, I, that part excites me, to
give actors that permission, um, as
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:long as they don't stay in that space.
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:Mm-hmm.
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:You know, just express it, let
it out, you know, and regulate,
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:and then go about your day.
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:So that's, actors are spinning their
wheels like crazy when they come to me.
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:And- Mm.
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:Th- there's two kinds that come to me.
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:They're spinning their wheels and
they're spent out, and there's,
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:there's no results for themselves.
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:Or it's the kind of, they'll see
my social media posts or they're
405
:on my newsletter list and they're
like, "I want the easier route.
406
:You know, I want to go about it
how she's talking about it, and
407
:she became a working actor, too."
408
:Do you know?
409
:And it's, it's just like when I
booked, not too long ago, this
410
:year actually, I was selected
to be an extra for a steakhouse
411
:commercial, and I was so excited.
412
:It's the first job that
I booked this year.
413
:I, there was a road trip.
414
:They put us up in a hotel for two nights.
415
:I had the best time.
416
:And you know, when I came back
from a eight, I had to get up,
417
:my alarm clock went off at 3:30.
418
:I had to be there at 5
o'clock in the morning.
419
:We worked for eight hours, and
I came back to the hotel room
420
:and I just did the Running Man.
421
:Erica Voell: Ooh.
422
:Talia Toms: I was so, I was,
'cause it's just what I love to do.
423
:And I have not...
424
:And I've booked, I've, I've done
a guest star before, reoccurring
425
:roles, you know, bigger roles than
just an extra job, but I've never
426
:done the running man afterwards.
427
:That's also that definition
of being unstoppable.
428
:It's, it's where you're
grounded in your life.
429
:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
430
:Talia Toms: You know, unlearning
the hustle culture is basically
431
:what my framework comes down to.
432
:Erica Voell: I love that you keep
talking about unstoppable because,
433
:uh, one of the songs that I listen to,
actually the song I listen to before
434
:I do a sales call with a new client-
435
:Talia Toms: Uh-huh
436
:... Erica Voell: or do a workshop,
is Unstoppable by Sia.
437
:I love it.
438
:And I love that song so much and I...
439
:You know, it's, it's like- I
could do that ... I love the image
440
:of this, of being unstoppable.
441
:Because, like, it's not that we're
running ourselves ragged and that we're
442
:just, like, running ourselves thin.
443
:It's like we are solid in who we
are and grounded, unstoppable.
444
:I, ooh, I love that so much, Talia.
445
:Talia Toms: Yes.
446
:Erica Voell: So are there...
447
:When...
448
:So they come to you, like, what are
some techniques you do to help them
449
:untangle the noise, besides the
journaling and the, the, um, nervous
450
:system regulation, what are other things
that you're doing with your clients?
451
:Talia Toms: To un- To, to let
go of the noise from the hustle?
452
:Erica Voell: Some, yeah, untangle
some of that noise that's been...
453
:I mean, 'cause we get so
in our heads that, like...
454
:And we know that what gets in
our heads can then filter down
455
:through our gut and into- Yes.
456
:Yes ... like, I had something happen
today and I was just like, "Ugh."
457
:And, you know, it was all in my
mind, but my body was reacting to all
458
:of the things that were coming up.
459
:So- Mm-hmm.
460
:Talia Toms: Mm-hmm
461
:... Erica Voell: talk, talk more about that.
462
:Talia Toms: So what you're speaking of
right there, I love to teach the pattern
463
:interrupt, and that does come down to...
464
:'Cause what you were feeling, that comes
from, I could go so deep into this.
465
:You know, it's, you know, take your pick.
466
:Your inner child's not feeling safe,
your nervous system not feeling safe,
467
:and so those thoughts are running on
autopilot, and they just kinda take over.
468
:You know, and, you know, that's when you
do a pattern interrupt, and you just...
469
:It's, 'cause you can...
470
:W- awareness is a big thing.
471
:I teach awareness.
472
:If you're not aware of what...
473
:That's great you became aware
of that situation for yourself.
474
:Mm-hmm.
475
:If you're not aware of what you're at
and what could be running the show,
476
:like your inner child, thoughts,
and feelings, and your nervous
477
:system, then you can't stop it.
478
:So a pattern interrupt is basically, you
know, taking a moment, hand on heart.
479
:You do at, at least a deep breath and
exhale even longer, and then you say a s-
480
:a statement where, you know, "I am safe."
481
:So it's basically, a pattern
interrupt is giving a statement to
482
:let the body know that you are safe.
483
:Erica Voell: Hmm.
484
:Talia Toms: Versus staying in this, this
pattern of fear- And, you know, just being
485
:scared, um, and freaking out about it.
486
:That's when you have to
do a pattern interrupt.
487
:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
488
:Talia Toms: And then I also
take them through, I call it
489
:releasing the old scripts.
490
:And so we, we take time to go through old,
um, old beliefs that they have or scripts
491
:that just run, just kinda run the show.
492
:And so we, we take time
to up- update that.
493
:Uh, and then they, I also have
them do a mirror challenge.
494
:So I have quite a bit of stuff
that- Cool ... that speaks to the
495
:body, speaks to your nervous system.
496
:Mm-hmm.
497
:Just, uh, just upgrading your system.
498
:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
499
:Yeah.
500
:I, and I, I didn't realize how much...
501
:I love this, all of this.
502
:And I, what I loved about being
in a program with you and a couple
503
:of other actors was that, like,
I had no idea how, you know,
504
:fast of a turnaround things were.
505
:Like, you had to do the self ta- I didn't
know what a self-tape was, and I was
506
:like- Yeah ... "What's a self-tape?"
507
:And then you all, you
all educated me on that.
508
:But then, like, somebody said she
had an audition due at 2:00, and
509
:she found out about it the night
before, and, you know, it's...
510
:A- and I was like, "Are you serious?
511
:This is..."
512
:I had no idea this w-
this was how it went.
513
:Because, you know, what I, I, growing
up in the Midwest, like, y- you
514
:know, you heard about actors, but,
like, my, my exposure to actors was
515
:watching TV and through the movies.
516
:I ha- or, and then, you know, on DVD
when there was a special features
517
:and you could watch, like, their
audition tapes, and I was like,
518
:"Oh, that's cool, and that's funny."
519
:Yeah.
520
:But, like, I didn't realize how it
actually worked and that, like, I remember
521
:watching a video recently with, um, oh,
the woman who plays Haley on Severance,
522
:and, like, she was like, "I'm doing
this particular, um, audition in my
523
:bathroom in front of my bathroom door."
524
:And I was like, "Oh."
525
:Talia Toms: Yeah.
526
:Erica Voell: It's not as
glamorous as it looks.
527
:Talia Toms: Oh, it, definitely not.
528
:Erica Voell: And
529
:Talia Toms: I just- And you're also,
you get that last-minute audition to
530
:put yourself on tape, and you have
to juggle the rest of your life.
531
:Erica Voell: Yeah.
532
:You have
533
:Talia Toms: your job.
534
:You have your kids.
535
:You have your- Mm-hmm.
536
:You don't, you have...
537
:So it's, it's not just, um, you have this
free time all day long, and then you have
538
:to get a short last-minute audition in.
539
:You also have to figure out when
to get it in because you have the
540
:rest of your life to consider, too.
541
:Erica Voell: Yeah.
542
:Oh, I just...
543
:It, it was such a learning experience
for me, and I was like, "Oh, my gosh.
544
:This is why I'm so..."
545
:I became even more curious about
it, and I started looking up-
546
:things about people's auditions,
'cause I was like, "Oh, that..."
547
:'Cause especially when
they would describe it.
548
:Um, so what, you talk about
building a life that supports your
549
:career, not the other way around.
550
:Talia Toms: Mm-hmm.
551
:Erica Voell: How does that look i- in,
what does that look like in practice?
552
:Talia Toms: So by the time- For
553
:Erica Voell: you and your actors.
554
:Talia Toms: Okay.
555
:So, so by the time the ac- 'cause they
work with me for three months through
556
:the Grounded and Unstoppable Journey.
557
:Um, and by the time, before they
leave me, so through those three
558
:months, I'm giving them the tools
to live by, um, to implement.
559
:And but by the time they leave, I leave
them with not a checklist, but your
560
:daily flow that puts you into a rhythm.
561
:And so, you know, we wake up, 'cause
the first thing we do when they come
562
:into the program and the journey is
we look at, we take a life assessment,
563
:and to see which part of their life
needs more alignment and attention.
564
:And so we, you know, we work from there.
565
:But as far as, like, putting it into
practice, into practice daily, and
566
:what I do for myself, is basically
it's really important that I've
567
:helped the actor ground themselves.
568
:Um, that grounding is everything
when you show up in an audition.
569
:That's how, that's how you
can truly be the character.
570
:And I- it's really important that actors
remember that they are a person first.
571
:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
572
:Talia Toms: Acting is what they
do for a living and for fun,
573
:but you are an actor first.
574
:So I'm really big on grounding
the actor throughout.
575
:And so it's, it's stuff that I do
for, what I coach is what I live by.
576
:Um, you know, so it's basically, it's
having that, it's, it's important to
577
:have that morning routine in the morning,
you know, to ground yourself there with
578
:meditation, some type of movement, you
know, taking a walk, have nourishing food.
579
:And also, I suggest journal
speak, that journaling process.
580
:Or if it's not ready to hit you in
the morning, you know, whenever it
581
:hits you throughout the day and you
have time to sit down and just write
582
:your feelings out, just go for it.
583
:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
584
:Talia Toms: You know, um, and then also
with all the nervous, the, the nervous
585
:system regulations, when resistance comes
up, when those old scripts come up, it's
586
:so important, because I, I teach a lot
about identity, um, 'cause I'm working
587
:with identity coach, and it's been a great
help for me to turn around things for me
588
:personally, health-wise, and, you know.
589
:And it's one thing that she
says is, "You don't get what
590
:you want, you get what you are."
591
:Erica Voell: Ooh.
592
:Talia Toms: Right?
593
:I love that.
594
:Ooh.
595
:Erica Voell: Yeah.
596
:Talia Toms: I, I, I love that,
and it's so freaking true.
597
:Mm-hmm.
598
:It's, it's like now I've become so
awa- she was like, "Talia, you are so
599
:aware of your programs that are running
on autopilot," that she was like,
600
:"Many people do not recognize this."
601
:And so it's, I really have the
actor be really aware, as best
602
:possible, of what's coming up, and
stop in the moment, and doing that
603
:nervous system, that regulation.
604
:Because if you don't, it runs the show.
605
:Mm-hmm.
606
:But if you can do that pattern
interrupt, then the next step is for
607
:you to take that next future step,
that step that you really wanna take,
608
:but you don't have to deal with the
resistance or the old scripts running,
609
:the old, you know, limiting beliefs.
610
:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
611
:Talia Toms: Um, so it, it looks like that
as well, and it looks like, um, I'm, I'm
612
:really big on play and leisure, to have
at least one fun day throughout the week.
613
:So it's...
614
:And then there's some journal prompts that
they have an option to do at nighttime.
615
:And also taking, I'm very big
on taking intentional steps.
616
:So it's they take one intentional action
for their life, that area in their life
617
:that needs more alignment for the day,
and they take at least one intentional
618
:step towards their acting career.
619
:Erica Voell: Mm.
620
:Talia Toms: So it's, it's very
intentional, and it's very grounded,
621
:very nervous regulation, and just
spending that time with yourself
622
:at nighttime or in the morning.
623
:Erica Voell: Mm.
624
:Oh, that's so beautiful.
625
:So I, we...
626
:I, I shared with you, I don't know, a year
ago about your human design chart, and-
627
:Talia Toms: Yes
628
:... Erica Voell: I am curious, like,
what resonated with you when you
629
:learned you were a Projector?
630
:Talia Toms: Oh my goodness, that
whole where you can see things about
631
:people before they can't, like...
632
:Was like, "Damn."
633
:Erica Voell: Yeah.
634
:"There's a
635
:Talia Toms: name for this?"
636
:You know, I remember when I first
started, he was my boyfriend at
637
:the time, my husband, um, and it
would get on his nerves a little
638
:bit that I could read into people.
639
:Because a lotta times it wasn't
positive what I would say,
640
:so I'm like, "Yeah, we..."
641
:So it would kinda get on
his nerves because he wasn't
642
:seeing what I was seeing.
643
:Erica Voell: Mm.
644
:Talia Toms: You know?
645
:And then it would get on his
nerves when later down the line
646
:it would be proven to be right.
647
:He was like, "How do you know?"
648
:And I'll be honest, I had...
649
:I got to a point where I,
I kinda had to turn it off.
650
:I'm like, "Can I turn
this down a little bit?"
651
:Um, and so especially when
I'm coaching, I try not to...
652
:And with my husband, I really had to
learn not to s- you know, working with,
653
:um, one of my, um, system coaches.
654
:She's like, "You have to,
there's your 50%-" And then
655
:there's the other person's 50%.
656
:And so I've had to learn, learn
for myself not to step on another
657
:person's boundaries- Mm-hmm ... and
also don't step outside of my own.
658
:Don't extend my own boundaries.
659
:'Cause a lot of times people don't
really want the advice or don't
660
:wanna be told, or they resist it.
661
:And, you know, it's...
662
:And so it's, I've had to...
663
:So I was, I was really taken
aback when I learned that I was
664
:a Projector and what that meant,
um, because I was so big on that.
665
:I really had to unlearn
giving advice all the time.
666
:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
667
:Talia Toms: Do you know what I'm saying?
668
:Because it would hurt my energy
when people wouldn't respond
669
:in the way that I thought they
would want, would, would respond.
670
:My inner child is like, "Oh, boy,
now everything, everyone gets along,
671
:and I'm helping you, and everything's
gonna be great for you," and, you know,
672
:just thinking you had all the answers.
673
:And, and it's interesting.
674
:I had a massage therapist and
he had connections with the
675
:angels and stuff like that.
676
:Mm-hmm.
677
:He was like, "The angels are wanting me
to tell you that it's not your job to
678
:tell people, you know, all the time what
they need to do for their journeys."
679
:And I was like, "Oh my gosh."
680
:Wow.
681
:Because that is what I do.
682
:Erica Voell: Uh-huh.
683
:Talia Toms: You know?
684
:So the one thing I did love about what you
read off my human design, and it's also
685
:what I try to teach actors, not everyone
has a strong ability to do this, but it
686
:is also what I teach actors through the
Grounded and Unstoppable Framework, is
687
:following and trusting their instinct.
688
:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
689
:Talia Toms: Because that
is always your next move.
690
:And I found that I, I...
691
:So when you, that came up in my chart,
I was like, "And that's exactly what
692
:I've been trying to teach actors."
693
:Do you know?
694
:And that's how I got myself from spinning
my wheels, then to stopping, and then
695
:to becoming a, a, you know, working
actress, because I started to actually
696
:listen and pay attention to my instincts.
697
:Erica Voell: Mm.
698
:Talia Toms: Oh.
699
:And then intentionally
took action after that.
700
:So that's what I teach actors as well.
701
:Erica Voell: Oh, Talia, I mean, wow.
702
:And, like, your profile's a 5/1, which
is that practical leader, and clients are
703
:looking to you for practical solutions.
704
:And- Yes ... when I saw that and
I was like, "Oh my gosh," 'cause
705
:I guessed you were a Projector
when we were working together.
706
:We were part of a little pod,
um, accountability pod, and I,
707
:there was just something and I
was like, I remember asking you,
708
:"Could I look up your birth chart?"
709
:And you were like, "Sure?"
710
:And it was so cool when I was like,
"You're a Projector," and I was
711
:reading it to you, and you're like...
712
:And, and I grew up with a sister
who's a Projector, so I know that
713
:that- unsolicited advice, I was
always like, "Why does she not, why
714
:does she not think I'm capable?"
715
:Yeah.
716
:That's how I always felt.
717
:Talia Toms: Okay, that's how you felt.
718
:Erica Voell: And now I know that, like,
she sees things that I can't see, and
719
:so I listen and I'm like, "Thank you."
720
:Talia Toms: Mm-hmm.
721
:Erica Voell: And sometimes I'm
like, "I'm still at square one.
722
:You're already at square nine.
723
:I can't get that far.
724
:My brain's not, not able to get there."
725
:Talia Toms: Uh-huh.
726
:Erica Voell: I'll worry about that later.
727
:Talia Toms: Right, right.
728
:Yes.
729
:Erica Voell: Yes.
730
:Talia Toms: Now, how did you
know that I was a Projector?
731
:What gave, what
732
:gave it away?
733
:Erica Voell: There were just
questions that you were asking, and
734
:there were certain things that you
could see when we were working, you
735
:know, on our accountability pod.
736
:'Cause it, sometimes it
was just the two of us.
737
:Yeah.
738
:And you would just ask questions
of me and my business that I was
739
:like, "How does she know that?"
740
:Okay.
741
:"How did, how is she seeing that?"
742
:And there was one time you offered some
advice, because I asked for advice, and
743
:the way you delivered it just made me
think like, "Huh, I just need to know."
744
:Because I feel like for me a lot of
times, when I know people's energies,
745
:then I have a, I feel like I can have a
better relationship and I don't feel like
746
:there's this resistance that comes up
that's like, "Okay, well, you're giving me
747
:all this advice," and I just f- like, I,
I'm really good at putting up a wall and
748
:being like, "Oh, I don't wanna hear it."
749
:Talia Toms: Okay.
750
:Erica Voell: So, but hearing that and
then I was like, "She's a Projector.
751
:She can see things that I can't."
752
:And then I would be like,
"Talia, what are you seeing?"
753
:Right.
754
:I started to ask you certain
questions because I was like,
755
:"She can see more than I can see.
756
:What is she seeing that I can't?"
757
:Mm-hmm.
758
:So I, that was...
759
:It was really cool to, to see in action
that, like, I guessed it, and I had
760
:experienced you at, for long enough to
know that, like, this is where maybe...
761
:This is what I was seeing, and then to
have to follow, for myself, following
762
:my instinct and being like, "Oh,
yes, this is a good validation."
763
:Talia Toms: Yes, yes.
764
:Erica Voell: Yeah.
765
:Talia Toms: I, now since you told me
the chart, and thank you for sharing
766
:that with me, that was very generous
of you, like, it, it helped me just
767
:kinda step up my game with, um,
768
:when I can feel it coming within me
before I e- because again, I had to teach
769
:myself not to go there all the time.
770
:But n- when I can feel it come
up, I'll was like, I'll say to
771
:myself, "You're projecting, you're
projecting, you're projecting."
772
:Erica Voell: Oh, my
773
:Talia Toms: gosh.
774
:So yeah.
775
:So it, it, it'll help me be a better
coach too, knowing that that is...
776
:Mm-hmm.
777
:It's so nice to have it be stated to me.
778
:Erica Voell: Yeah.
779
:Talia Toms: I just- I, I, so now
I, to understand more of myself
780
:and, you know, what that is, but
it helps me be a better coach.
781
:Um, I already listened well, but
it'll help me kinda collaborate
782
:together more with the client-
Mm-hmm ... versus me just saying, "Well,
783
:this is what I think you should do."
784
:Like, no one wants to hear that.
785
:Erica Voell: Yeah.
786
:Yeah.
787
:We, we, we technically, like, in our
heads we think we wanna be fixed-
788
:Talia Toms: Mm-hmm
789
:... Erica Voell: but then when somebody gives
us that advice of how to fix us, we're
790
:like, "Nope, I don't wanna hear it."
791
:Talia Toms: E- exactly.
792
:I'm good.
793
:I
794
:Erica Voell: don't wanna do the work.
795
:Talia Toms: Uh-huh.
796
:Erica Voell: Too hard.
797
:So Talia, I have one...
798
:This has just been such a delight.
799
:Um, I have two more questions for you.
800
:Talia Toms: Okay.
801
:Erica Voell: One is, if you could go
back to your younger self, Talia, who
802
:was grinding and trying, in that hustle
culture, what would you want her to know?
803
:Talia Toms: You know, um,
804
:one, I have so much appreciation for her.
805
:Erica Voell: Mm.
806
:Talia Toms: I'm impressed by her.
807
:I'll, I still need, I still hold onto
her drive, 'cause that's important
808
:because, you know, I let these actors
know that flow does not mean you lose
809
:drive or you don't put in the work.
810
:But I would tell her, "Sweetie,
you do not have to do so much."
811
:Mm.
812
:"You can relax.
813
:You can trust.
814
:Follow your instinct.
815
:You will not be lost, and
you'll reap the rewards.
816
:You will get what you're wanting."
817
:Erica Voell: Okay, I think we need to,
like, put this on a poster for everybody.
818
:Oh my gosh, Talia, that's beautiful.
819
:Oh my gosh.
820
:I have to make a, a meme of that.
821
:That's just so beautiful.
822
:I'm, I'm tearing up.
823
:Talia Toms: If you do, share it with me
please, so I can remember for myself.
824
:I'll
825
:Erica Voell: put the transcript
into Claude and it'll tell me.
826
:And then my final question for you
is what I ask all of my, um, guests.
827
:What is one unwritten rule of midlife
that you would like to rewrite?
828
:Talia Toms: Oh my goodness.
829
:You know, you sent that list
over to me, 'cause I'm like,
830
:"Break that down for me, Erica."
831
:And the one that I am still working
through, but I'm coming through, is that
832
:whole thing we're not as attractive.
833
:Erica Voell: Mm.
834
:Talia Toms: You know, um-
It's an interesting ride to
835
:start your career out as...
836
:I've had my corporate jobs.
837
:I'm not saying I was just an
artist and that's all I've done.
838
:I've definitely had corporate
jobs too, and I worked in an,
839
:a talent agency and stuff.
840
:But starting out as an artist
and performer, starting with,
841
:with modeling and stuff, man, w-
you know, one is your one focus.
842
:Your, your nails have to be done, your
hair has to be done, you know, your
843
:makeup has to be done, and take care
of your skin, and, uh, you, you know,
844
:you have to have that flat stomach.
845
:And, you know, growing up, I didn't
have problem with my weight at all.
846
:Like, I could eat whatever,
and I just did not gain weight.
847
:Um, but that changed,
you know, in mid-life.
848
:And so, so just stepping back into the
industry now as an actor, and I need to
849
:get new headshots and stuff, it's like
there's the old story running that I
850
:need to be a certain weight, a certain
size, have a perfect flat stomach.
851
:Well, I'm not there, and so it's...
852
:I'm, I'm kind of giving myself more
compassion and training myself.
853
:I'm like, "You know what?
854
:Just F it.
855
:We are gonna go take those
headshots with where we're at
856
:right now, with pooch and all."
857
:Ooh.
858
:Hopefully land some more nursing roles,
because when you have the scrubs on,
859
:you can't tell that you have a pooch.
860
:So I just put to bed that I needed to be
how I looked in my 20s and how I looked
861
:in my 30s, or even early 40s, you know?
862
:So it...
863
:And knowing that I'm taking my
journey to, I'll get to where I want
864
:to be, but right now, it's just that
kindness that I ex- that I extend to
865
:myself, and that permission to look
like the everyday woman, take those
866
:headshots, you know, go out there and
have some fun, book some commercials.
867
:And, um, and the other day, we
have this, we have this closet
868
:with a mirror, and I, I like to
sit in front of it and do my hair.
869
:And I was sitting there, and I
could just see my stomach just
870
:pillowing over my pants, you
know, a little bit, and I just...
871
:And, but I had...
872
:It was so nice to get to this moment.
873
:I just had this beautiful
moment of, "There you are.
874
:I welcome you.
875
:I accept you."
876
:And I just also know instinctually it
will not be like this forever, that
877
:this part of my story too is beautiful
878
:Erica Voell: Oh, wow
879
:... Talia Toms: you know, thank you to
Shonda Rhimes for starting to cast
880
:people that look like everyday people.
881
:Mm-hmm.
882
:You know what I'm say- It
helps give me that permission.
883
:I love, I love when I see a woman on TV
or in real life where they too have a
884
:pooch, and I'm just like, "Oh, thank you."
885
:You know what I'm saying?
886
:So, so your, your looks change.
887
:Uh, your looks change as you get older.
888
:They just really do.
889
:Um, so it's, it's just coming into,
um, accepting your womanhood- Mm-hmm
890
:... Erica Voell: you
891
:Talia Toms: know, and really owning
that and finding the strength
892
:in that versus, "Oh, I look..."
893
:You know?
894
:Uh-huh.
895
:So I- so I'm rewriting
that one for myself.
896
:Erica Voell: Mm.
897
:Oh, I love that.
898
:And I have to say, as a, you
know, Midwestern woman, I love
899
:when there are regular bodies
on TV and I'm like, "Oh, yes."
900
:Like, Ugly Betty is still one of my
favorite shows, and I just love that,
901
:like, Amanda Ferreira show- or America
Ferrera just, like, showed up as- Yeah
902
:her whole self, and I was like, "Yes!"
903
:And-
904
:Talia Toms: Uh-huh
905
:... Erica Voell: my daughter and I
watched it, and she's like, "Mom."
906
:Like, that was a great show to
watch with a 12-year-old because she
907
:started to see the body differences,
and we would talk about things,
908
:and she'd be like, "Oh my gosh.
909
:Like, that's how people live?
910
:People don't eat very much?"
911
:And I'm like, "No, they don't."
912
:So it was a really good
conversation starter, and it's
913
:Talia Toms: def- Or they eat a lot
and they just don't gain weight.
914
:Like, that- Yeah ... that's
where I was forever.
915
:You know, but it catches up with you.
916
:Sorry, I didn't mean to-
917
:Erica Voell: Yeah
918
:... Talia Toms: go off there.
919
:Erica Voell: No, but it was just a great,
you know, way for her to see, like,
920
:the fashion industry, and y- I know
the acting industry is very similar.
921
:Like-
922
:Talia Toms: Mm-hmm
923
:... Erica Voell: the way there was so much
weight put on how people looked- Yes
924
:... and it was a really good way for us to
have some really honest conversations.
925
:Talia Toms: Yes.
926
:Erica Voell: Um.
927
:Talia Toms: Yes.
928
:And, and I just feel, you know, as I
step back into the industry and like,
929
:"I'm gonna go take those new headshots.
930
:I don't care if my body is not, you know,
what I'm used to or where I would like."
931
:Um, I, I, I honestly feel like, and th-
that's how I keep stepping into my flow.
932
:Erica Voell: Mm-hmm.
933
:Talia Toms: You know, that the goal
that I have there, the purpose of the
934
:headshot is to help you get the job.
935
:Do you know what I'm saying?
936
:And that will happen.
937
:So.
938
:Yeah.
939
:Erica Voell: Yeah.
940
:Talia Toms: Yeah.
941
:Erica Voell: So where can people find
you, Talia, and what do you, if, do
942
:you have anything going on right now?
943
:Talia Toms: Okay, well they can
find me at, at, um, @theactorsflow
944
:on Instagram or LinkedIn.
945
:Those are the two places that I'm at.
946
:And, um, I teach actors a grounded
and unstoppable framework,
947
:but honestly it's for people.
948
:We would just pick your industry,
you know, to work on, um, for
949
:you to take intentional steps in.
950
:So it's hon- it's, it's like my
husband and, um, his mom said, he was
951
:like, "This is for everybody, Talia."
952
:You know, it's just I'm an
actor and I know the actor's
953
:struggle, so that's the focus.
954
:Mm.
955
:So, so all are welcome though.
956
:Erica Voell: Well, thank you Talia.
957
:It was so great to talk to you.
958
:Everyone, I hope you found
parts of Talia's story in your
959
:own story, and thank you Talia.
960
:It was so great to have you.
961
:Talia Toms: Thank you.
962
:Thank you so much.
963
:This has been, this has been so awesome.
964
:Erica Voell: If this episode resonated
with you, I would be so grateful.
965
:If you click the plus sign to subscribe,
share it with a friend or colleague.
966
:You can also find me on substack, where
I publish articles, host workshops, and
967
:share more about human design and midlife.
968
:Thanks for joining me and be well.
